[purplemystery]

Last week I had my last session ever with my T since I have graduated. Awhile ago I had asked my T to come up with a list of books that she has read and that I could read so that I could continue our work together after termination. It would be a way for me to still hold onto her, and was especially fitting since she had once given me a bookmark as a gift.

On our last day, my T had said that she was a disorganized person and didn't have the list yet, and would have to get it to me "at a later date." I was a little upset because I felt like I needed that list on the last day because that was how I was going to survive without her. So I asked "did you forget?" She said no (and I thought she may have been offended), and that she had been thinking about the list ever since I had asked for it. She said that she wanted to do it, but revealed that she felt intimidated because she thinks that I have read a lot about Psychology and have formed opinions about things. I was relieved that this was the reason, and told her that I would never judge a book she suggested and that I really don't read as much as it seems like I do.

We left it at that and I never actually asked her when/how she would send me the list. I assumed it would be through email, but it has been a week since our termination, and she still hasn't sent me the list. I'm kind of worried because:
1. It is not normal for us to email, as my T has very strict boundaries. Both of us in the past have asked before we sent an email (which has only been like once for each of us in our 3+ years). My T never actually asked to send me this email, so what if she feels that she doesn't have permission and it would be too big of an assumption that I would be okay with it? So maybe she will just never email me the list out of this fear?
2. What if she decides she isn't comfortable with writing the list, but again doesn't feel she has permission to let me know? She has said before that she would do things, and then later told me that she was uncomfortable with it.

I can't contact her to ask. If she is just taking her time making the list, it would seem very desperate, rude, and pushy, especially since I had asked her before if she had forgotten. But what if she never emails me? How long do you think I should wait before I contact her to ask? I know I'm being very impatient, but I'm freaking out because I don't know for sure what's going on...

[Wren_]

I would email and ask now if it were me ... rather than get more worried and upset about it
From what you wrote it wasn't totally clear if she actually confirmed she would send you a list ... and I can see why waiting and not knowing would be really difficult especially when it was your last session and this is something that is important to you
Maybe just an email sharing some of what you wrote here?

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

She said no (and I thought she may have been offended)...

I'm kind of worried because:
1. It is not normal for us to email, as my T has very strict boundaries. Both of us in the past have asked before we sent an email (which has only been like once for each of us in our 3+ years). My T never actually asked to send me this email, so what if she feels that she doesn't have permission and it would be too big of an assumption that I would be okay with it? So maybe she will just never email me the list out of this fear?
2. What if she decides she isn't comfortable with writing the list, but again doesn't feel she has permission to let me know? She has said before that she would do things, and then later told me that she was uncomfortable with it.

I can't contact her to ask. If she is just taking her time making the list, it would seem very desperate, rude, and pushy, especially since I had asked her before if she had forgotten. But what if she never emails me? How long do you think I should wait before I contact her to ask? I know I'm being very impatient, but I'm freaking out because I don't know for sure what's going on...

I have a sense from this post and previous ones that you discredit your feelings. You're quick to judge yourself negatively it seems: I don't perceive you in this interaction as impatient, rude, pushy or anything even close.

Your therapist did not come through for you and I hope she will soon. I encourage you, like the previous poster did, to just ask directly. (And try not to discount your feelings, they're so important and valid!)

I'd just call or email inquiring about what she had decided about the book list. She may have decided not to do so based on what you mentioned, and you can just ask her if that is the case, and that if she still intends to send the list, what might be the time frame on it coming.

That isn't a "needy" email. Just an inquiry about something you had discussed and the loose ends need tying up.

[purplemystery]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the validation of my feelings and the advice. Leah, I was surprised that you could tell that I discredit my feelings sometimes. I just feel like I can see multiple sides to situations, and I never know which one to trust. On one hand, I'm a little angry at my T because this is really important to me and she knows that. She knows that I'm grieving for her right now, while clearly I'm not high on her priority list. As far as I know, she can't even be that busy because she's not even seeing other clients right now (since everyone is on summer break). On the other hand, I feel like I could be being unfair; maybe there are things keeping her busy that I don't know about, and a week isn't THAT long. For all I know, she is putting a lot of effort into it. I also worry that she just doesn't want to contact me because I wrote her a very sentimental card when I left, and maybe she doesn't want to... acknowledge it?

I think I will wait a little longer because I would prefer for her to contact me first. I'm really interested to see what she would write in the email, and if I were to email her first, she may not say as much, if that makes sense. Maybe I'll give her the rest of the week and contact her on Monday or something. Thanks for your replies everyone-- I feel less like my email will sound needy.