[JonB]

Well, I left T three weeks ago for our respective vacations and my "assignment" was to think about what direction I wanted things to take when we get back. How I thought things were going, whether or not I was willing to open up more and all that stuff. I did think about it a lot and wrote down my feelings and ideas about it and I have a pretty clear idea of how I want things to go. And I do want things to keep going.

So, what's the problem? Well, he usually doesn't give me assignments. It's only happened a couple of times - and, although, I did the assignments thoughtfully, they never came up and were never discussed. He never asked about them, I never mentioned them. So, I'm wondering if this is even going to come up when I go back next week. And, if I even want it to come up. Part of me thinks it would start a really good discussion and part of me just wants to sit there and not get too deep.

I know I could get into it if he pulled me in, but I don't think that's going to happen, and I'm no good at bringing it up because I'd just assume sit there as initiate conversation. I really and truly do want to progress with this therapy thing I just think I need someone who's going to kick me in the rear to do it or at least attempt to draw me out a little.

I've spent the last three weeks thinking about how much I can't wait to get back and say all these things I thought about. But now that the big day is approaching, I sense that I'm going to be too quiet and closed off. Any suggestions? Anyone know where to get truth serum? I've often thought some of that or a shot of whiskey would make my sessions much more productive. I guess I'm just going to have to grow some balls before next week to go along with all the spines that are being grown around here (no offense or vulgarity intended).

How do you all start off after a break?

[sunrise]

Jon, my T has given me assignments a few times but never asked about them the next time we meet. I have come to assume that the assignments are for my benefit and it is not necessarily mandatory that we discuss them. He always leaves it up to me as to how I want to spend the time in therapy, and I have felt the assignments had value just for myself. Rather than discuss the homework per se, you could always just take the therapy in the direction you decided you wanted in the homework, which after all, was the assignment. So discuss the content of the homework, rather than the homework itself, if that makes sense.

I think if you feel it will be valuable to share the actual homework with your T, then you should go ahead. Write it down on a piece of paper and walk into the session holding the paper, then you can't pretend like it doesn't exist, and your T might even ask you about it.

Good luck.

sunny

hrm. they used to give people sodium amytal (yup, truth serum) to help them open up in therapy. i've heard that ecstasy has also been used to similar effect...

the shot of alchohol could be a good idea. i don't know how your t would feel about it. but it could well loosen you up a little and give you some of the courage to get some of it out.

sometimes it can feel (to both client and therapist) that things have reached this impasse... i understand how you would just as happily sit there in silence as say anything. i have that same thing. but after sessions and before sessions i'm just bursting with all this stuff i want to share and talk about. but once i'm actually there in therapy my courage just melts away...

sometimes t doesn't know what to do...

could you write something out and give it to him? your post even.

because there are things that both of you can do to help you come out of your shell a little more and it sounds like... working on that could be really very useful.

(are there situations outside therapy where a similar thing happens?)

[bipolar_bear]

My t often gives me assignments but we go over them the next time we meet. I journal about them and bring them into t with me. Each of us then have a copy of my responses to the assignment. Maybe this would work for you? I am not sure how what direction you would like your t to continue can not be discussed so that both of you are on the same page. I guess I would discuss this with your t and see what he says.

[Perna]

"I'd just assume sit there as initiate conversation" -- sorry, it's your therapy, not your therapist's. You can only move ahead by your own work. I didn't figure that out until the end of one session when it felt like the session had been a "waste" and I asked my T whether we hadn't been talking about the "wrong" subject the whole time and she thought about it and agreed. It then dawned on me that there was no one "in charge" like I thought, it was going wherever I was taking it, not where someone "else" was guiding it.

[JonB]

I definitely agree with what you're saying about it being my therapy and not his and my responsibility to guide it. I just get paralyzed by trying to pick one of things I've been thinking about to talk about. And then, if I do manage to blurt one out, I never seem to have much to say about it. I think I just need someone to whack me with a stick and say "keep talking there's more." I want to be better at it, I just haven't made any actual progress at that yet. See the "How to you get started" thread for my new experiment I'm going to try on doing things different.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I wrote down my ideas for a plan and I'm going to tell him even if I have to read it write from the paper (maybe I need some powerpoint slides or some illustrations)!