how do you know your T likes you?

Hmm I guess I really can't be certain. I tend to think it isn't possible for anyone to like me so I lose all expectations.

As long as she at least pretends and keeps it believable it's good enough I suppose.

This is something I've been asking myself lately. Just last session I told her that I believe that anyone who really knows me doesn't like me. I named various family members, but I was actually wanting her to say she liked me. After all nobody knows me as well as she does. She didn't say it. Even though we talked about lots of other, positive things, I left the session very disappointed.

I've never asked her and yet she's told me at least a good fifty times. She also knows that my judgements on her come from her actions and not her words so she just continues to prove it by being herself.

It's funny how with current T, we've never had this discussion or any even remotely similar discussion, and yet I know without a doubt that she is very fond of me. I don't know exactly why I am so sure of this - maybe because she smiles and laughs a lot with me and often tells me I've given her something new/interesting to think about, or just the tone she takes with me, or that she offers me extra sessions without me even having to ask even on days she doesn't usually work, or that she doesn't mind if we run a couple minutes over session, or maybe just little things she says that she knows make me really happy, like the other day I mentioned to her something a very dear (PC) friend had said to me, and she said, "That sounds like something a mother would say to her daughter," and she just said it in such a way like she knew she was giving me a gift by saying that. Or that last week she told me she really likes how excited I get when she gives me a particular appointment time, or how she jokes with me that she knows I already know 99% of the things she tells me but is going to remind me of those things anyway because it's good to bring them to the front of my mind (mostly re. me having no reason to feel guilty about certain things). Just stuff like that.

I don't think I can know with certainty whether my therapists likes me or not. I really hope she likes me; but I will not ask, and I don't think she would tell me. Liking me is not her job.

My sense is that there are things about me she likes, and things she doesn't. I am actually not sure therapists benefit their clients by telling them they like them as a person (I know this is controversial and most would disagree). I worry that saying nice things about a patient can become a reinforcer and that instead of working on themselves, clients will try to elicit "liking" behavior from the therapist. I think it's much better to reinforce when a client does their homework on engages in adaptive behavior. I guess I wouldn't want my sense of worth to depend on what my therapist thinks of me.

I also believe that anyone can say "I like you" and not really mean it, the way people show it is through their actions.

My therapist friends say that they try to find something they like about all clients. They also say that the patients they truly have not been able to like, sense it and end up dropping out of therapy because it is a bad fit. They also have a good sense of who they want to work with and who they don't (ex. a lot of therapists only treat a narrow set of diagnoses).

I am really bad at knowing if she likes me or not. If I look at the evidence, i *think* she does like me. She gives me lots of extra time, she works really hard at helping me, tells me she thinks about me outside of session, she sometimes hugs me after I've been upset and while I was upset last week and kind of checked out, she held and rubbed my hand. She also said ( after I asked if she hates me) that in her job she does get very fond of people and attached to them... Is that her way of saying she is fond and attached to me?
Probably... but then I get a critical voice that picks it all apart until I'm not sure at all if she likes me or just says nice things cos it's her job to.

She tells me, fairly regularly.

she said she likes me and she honestly really can't see why anyone wouldn't like me. I was like, oh heck naw, check yah transference.... umh. but I'll take it anyway.

It's a working relationship....& if it works....that's all I care about......we get along in that working relationship & she works well with me & I relate well with her.....& I appreciate the feedback & thoughts that she provides for me to ponder on.......she's a nice person. I think that like can be limited to being able to work well with someone without having the emotional ties that one has with other people. I know that I would miss having her & also my DBT group leader in my life.....they are both great people & the working therapy relationship is something that I have never experienced before in all my years of therapy. I think there has to be a certain level of like that exists for that to work as in not rubbing the person in the wrong way.

I would imagine that T's are very much like me....a person has to be a real jerk for me to NOT like them at some level. I get along with most everyone....& I think that T's are the same....just because you like someone, it's more like you don't NOT like they that's the important aspect because then nothing can be accomplished. Like can be at so many different levels.

My T and I used to get along fine but stuff happened now she doesn't like me. She is angry and cold. It doesn't matter though, I don't really use her anyways

I'm not sure if she likes me after my last e-mail but I guess that in general she likes the fact that I listen to her, I try my best to follow her advices and if I don't agree with them I tell her about it and why... I tell her what I can do, what I cannot, what I think about something etc. and she does the same and she sometimes says that we think very similar so I guess she doesn't hate me

I think I need to work on my embarrassment on the subject of if she likes me or not. All those transference. My big fear I think is not believing her. some thing needs doing their.

I do not care a rats behind if my T likes me or not. I do not see a T to be liked but to learn from the therapy they provide. I am more concerned that they try to understand what I am trying to communicate and have answers to my questions.

Mine said he likes me /: yeah, well, I DO think of it like the "you look great in those pants" little white lie. But in my heart, I know my T's intentions are good. He told me it for a reason, so I try to accept it like that. I don't know his reasoning and probably never will, because he won't ****ing tell me but he has good intentions and I believe that pretty much 100% - I can tell by his actions and not his words. His words mean little to me but his actions speak volumes. I have transferred a lot of negativity towards him. I've been boring. I've been so consistent in coming to see him, it had to have driven him nuts at times. I've been angry toward him. I've given him the look of death. I've tried to get him to be "honest" and just tell me that he's sick and tired of me. I've whined to him about stuff that I'm sure isn't the core stuff he sees. I've minimized, denied, blamed, accused, etc. etc. etc.

And yet my T is always there. He's almost always warm and caring. He is the most consistent human being I've ever met. He is open to me contacting him outside of session via text, email or phone although I hardly do. He sits with my pain and I can see it must hurt him, especially when I drop the bag off with him and refuse to pick it up He's moving to another job and offered to have me come with him - he seemed genuine about it and he could've used it as an excuse for why I can't continue with him SO easily. I definitely don't deserve that at.all.

So saying it was nice and unprovoked....but his actions speak so much louder...

T is very mechanical, so I don't think she likes or dislikes me. She's just doing her job.

I think I can tell when she would rather go home than continue talking to me though, and when she is genuinely interested.

When they smile at you when you say hello

That could be lies, too.

My T is excellent at her job and very very professional, so I truly don't know whether her affection for me is genuine or not and I don't think I will ever find out.

She has told me she does. And she has also said she won't ever lie to me about that (it's one of my issues that I think people are being nice to me because they have to and that they're not genuine). So I do trust that she likes me.

I asked once, and her incredulous laugh made me trust her answer. "Oh Leah, of course I like you!"

She has demonstrated it plenty though, too. I feel it in some of our conversations, when we're talking about shared beliefs and common experiences. When the dialogue is a such pleasure it's hard to imagine how we wouldn't like each other well.