[lostwonder]

I am concerned about somehow hurting my help by him hearing my story. He is incredibly empathetic, and it has taken years for me to get to the point of remembering enough of anything to begin to process. I'm worried about overwhelming him. I know that I should let him worry about himself, but I don't want to hurt him.

Never even thought of that. I thought T's were supposed to be able to handle anything. If your story is that bad maybe give some kind of warning.

[Wren_]

have you talked about this with your therapist? hopefully your t can reassure you
most are used to hearing a lot but discussing it with your T might be good

[NWgirl2013]

It is possible that your T will feel real feelings of personal empathy and concern for you. That is a good thing. But a T has the skills to put things in perspective and should be able to help you do that too.

Of course you could start the disclosures with the caveat that you don't want to make anyone feel bad about your story or bad about you, hence the reason you don't share it. The T will understand that.

Best of luck to you as you move toward healing in this

[HazelGirl]

They're pretty tough. They are soft and empathetic, but they can handle an awful lot of s**t.

[lostwonder]

He has admitted that he might feel overwhelmed. The whole human bit.

[HazelGirl]

Really? I would question why a T would say something like that, unless you directly asked.

But being overwhelmed by the story and being traumatized by it are two totally different things.

[lostwonder]

Because I directly asked if he was sure he can handle it. I can spot bull-**** from a mile away, and he knows it.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by lostwonder

Because I directly asked if he was sure he can handle it. I can spot bull-**** from a mile away, and he knows it.

And he was honest. Which means he will be honest if you end up hurting him. Can you trust him?

[lostwonder]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

And he was honest. Which means he will be honest if you end up hurting him. Can you trust him?

He has never given me any reason to not trust him. I want to trust him. Do I trust him? I don't know. I may have some trust issues.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by lostwonder

Can I tramuatize my therapist with my story?

Yes, it is called "secondary trauma" when that happens. It is not uncommon among the helping professions. Therapists are familiar with this and should have coping skills for this or know to go see their own therapist or supervisor. You don't have to worry about them, they know how to deal with it. If you are worried, please bring it up with your therapist so you can get some reassurance.

[lostwonder]

I've actually heard of that before. I have checked and he does seek supervision, so maybe I shouldn't worry about it.

[stopdog]

Therapists might have reactions to the things clients tell them. But it is up to the therapist to handle it - not the client to worry about it.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by lostwonder

I've actually heard of that before. I have checked and he does seek supervision, so maybe I shouldn't worry about it.

I really think it's the T's job to worry about their own reactions to things.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Yes, it is called "secondary trauma" when that happens. It is not uncommon among the helping professions. Therapists are familiar with this and should have coping skills for this or know to go see their own therapist or supervisor. You don't have to worry about them, they know how to deal with it. If you are worried, please bring it up with your therapist so you can get some reassurance.

Never heard of that- thanks.

[tinyrabbit]

My T says it is possible he could become overwhelmed but, if he does, it won't be my fault or my problem - that he is willing to be overwhelmed. That it's not my job to look after him.

I think the same applies here. It makes sense that you are worried, but it's not your responsibility to take care of your T. That's his job.

[musinglizzy]

This is what they do. They are trained to listen, to hear stories that sometimes are difficult to hear. I wouldn't hold back fearing traumatizing my T, this is what they're here for.

I will admit though, I have wondered how they sleep at night. After dealing with troubled people all day long, probably hearing some pretty upsetting stories, etc etc. I've only barely hit the tip of the iceberg with my T, but I thought about how much I myself couldn't do such a job. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Well, I'm not a T, and don't sleep at night anyway...lol

[Aloneandafraid]

I wonder if they worry about their clients and the issues they hear about. How they actually let go? Do they really care? I was just thinking about this in relation to how they go about the rest of their lives without dwelling too much on all the stuff they hear in confidence. I guess that's what supervision is for - but what about the supervisors and the supervisors supervisors!!

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I wonder if they worry about their clients and the issues they hear about. How they actually let go? Do they really care? I was just thinking about this in relation to how they go about the rest of their lives without dwelling too much on all the stuff they hear in confidence. I guess that's what supervision is for - but what about the supervisors and the supervisors supervisors!!

It is just a job like any other. Other professions hear and see bad things too, lawyers, judges, mds the x-rayy tech and so on. If you can't handle it, you find simething else to for a living.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I wonder if they worry about their clients and the issues they hear about. How they actually let go? Do they really care? I was just thinking about this in relation to how they go about the rest of their lives without dwelling too much on all the stuff they hear in confidence. I guess that's what supervision is for - but what about the supervisors and the supervisors supervisors!!

I don't think they forget about them when they walk out of their office. But I don't think they obsess about them because it's their client's lives, not theirs.

[tinyrabbit]

My T says he does think about his clients at other times, that you can't just care about someone for an hour a week.

[nottrustin]

I know they think about clients and the trauma they have endured. T frequently say things like "I can't help but think about how you said..." However, I believe they are able to compartmentalize things. Also it is important to have their own support system so that if work starts to bother them they have other people to talk to. They are human and handle it just like anybody else would...

[tinyrabbit]

Something relevant to this thread just happened in my session so I thought I would share.

We were talking about how I often feel responsible for things that aren't my responsibility because I never learned what I'm actually responsible for and a lot of things have been given to me as my fault. (For example, my dad said we - his family - made him feel SU.) So I have trouble knowing when something is my responsibility and my fault.

I started saying something, and my T said: "Actually, could you give me a minute?" I asked why, and he said he felt really upset. I asked why he was upset, and he said because of the pain I was in, because the things I've gone through in my life are things he thinks are upsetting. He said he had tears in his eyes and he felt really sad.

I have had fantasies about my T getting upset and crying on my behalf (I think because I would like to do that for myself and I usually can't) but when he said that I freaked out a bit and started saying I wasn't supposed to upset people. I said I felt really selfish because I kind of wanted him to get upset, as I wanted to know if it was worth getting upset about. My T said it was absolutely fine, he was willing to be upset. I asked him to send me that in writing, which he has - he sent me a text after the session saying it's not my responsibility if he's upset, and he doesn't mind.

He has told me he's upset a couple of times before but this was different because he actually said he felt like crying. I kept saying: "I can't believe you think it's worth crying." I meant: I can't believe you think I'm worth crying about. And then I had to check if he was really upset because I'd experienced upsetting things, or because it was horrible of me to tell him about them. (It was the first one.)

I feel a bit stunned now basically.

[HazelGirl]

I wonder sometimes if my T gets upset like you describe, or if she has heard so much that it doesn't matter to her anymore. She says that some of what I have gone through has been sad, but I don't know if it makes her sad or if she just acknowledges that I could be sad about that.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I wonder sometimes if my T gets upset like you describe, or if she has heard so much that it doesn't matter to her anymore. She says that some of what I have gone through has been sad, but I don't know if it makes her sad or if she just acknowledges that I could be sad about that.

I suppose it also depends on her modality - some Ts might not speak about how they feel.

I freaked out a bit and texted my T asking if it's really okay that I upset him. He said: "YOU didn't upset me. I was upset." I'm really confused now.