[monkeybrains21]

Been thinking a lot lately an think of completely purging myself from my past to T. Of course this completely opens me up and makes me more vulnerable Than I ever have been by choice. Just because I think I want I doesn't mean I will.

Yet I can already feel the anxiety from it. My next T will be the last fort 3weeks due to me getting away. When I come back I have my first Pdoc appt then 2days later T. So there would b 3weeks I increased anxiety and worry about the repercussions for my confessions. I do not lie to T in essence of saying things but have learned that by omitting things I am in Essence lying.

I feel the purge would be beneficial in the long run but short term might push me a bit far An unknown how I'll handle it.

Any insight on topic would be appreciated.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

Been thinking a lot lately an think of completely purging myself from my past to T. Of course this completely opens me up and makes me more vulnerable Than I ever have been by choice. Just because I think I want I doesn't mean I will.

Yet I can already feel the anxiety from it. My next T will be the last fort 3weeks due to me getting away. When I come back I have my first Pdoc appt then 2days later T. So there would b 3weeks I increased anxiety and worry about the repercussions for my confessions. I do not lie to T in essence of saying things but have learned that by omitting things I am in Essence lying.

I feel the purge would be beneficial in the long run but short term might push me a bit far An unknown how I'll handle it.

Any insight on topic would be appreciated.

Can you test the waters and make it easier on yourself by selecting one specific item from your past to discuss? I agree with you that it's a valid concern about the backlash if you do this before a three week break, meaning your therapist won't be there to process the serious disclosure with you and you may worry about their reaction.

[HazelGirl]

It is much harder if you do things all at once. Try to take it one thing at a time.

[monkeybrains21]

I have over the past 2months started. First with 4pgs previous posts have mentioned and then a few weeks ago a book of things. The problem with the books is that thy are not truths. They are poems and stories. T says she can see parts if me in then but they are not truths. They are thoughts and emotions abstractly placed on paper in the form of stories through made up ppl.

I know it's a big risk to do all at once but I feel if I don't then I never will. I get side tracked by so much. For Christ sakes we were talking about my writings last week and my brain for the first time since I've been seeing T sees this stupid chair as I ask about it. I never saw that chair in that office before. I was flabbergasted!!

I crave so much to pace Ts office and purge it all but there is no space for pacing. It actually a wee bit claustrophobic.