[rainbow8]

I felt better during the 2 weeks than I did in my session.I talked about all of my activities and I showed her my artwork. When it came to hand holding there was only 15 minutes left. I couldn't calm down or feel it. I tried! T said the good feelings are inside of me.

I left feeling sad and disconnected. I think I'm realizing it's up to me, not T. It hurts but at the same time I know it's not about her. I called her and she had about 1 minute when she called back. I should go inside and try to feel the good feelings. I feel like I'm moving away from T but I don't want to.

[growlycat]

Does visualization on your own help bring back those feelings?

"I think I'm realizing it's up to me, not T."

I'm sorry you are feeling sad and disconnected, Rainbow. I don't understand the quote. I know it is not about her. It's you and your Therapist working together to figure out how to get through this. Good luck to the both of you.

[Aloneandafraid]

I relate rainbow. I can feel your pain. I'm sorry you're feeling this. You are doing so well. Keep going. It will get better. Xxxx

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Does visualization on your own help bring back those feelings?

I'm sorry I was away for 2 days so I'm just reading the responses now. It helped to go over the whole session in my mind, therefore realizing that T was acting the way she always does but I couldn't relax enough. So I can feel the good feelings but I didn't get them from holding her hand. I felt rushed because there wasn't enough time left.

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

"I think I'm realizing it's up to me, not T."

I'm sorry you are feeling sad and disconnected, Rainbow. I don't understand the quote. I know it is not about her. It's you and your Therapist working together to figure out how to get through this. Good luck to the both of you.

Thank you. I immediately went into "all or nothing" mode,I think. If T can't make the feelings happen, then it's all up to me. I can't count on her for anything. I know that's not true. Not every session is going to be 100% productive. I get disappointed easily; I have to work on that.

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I relate rainbow. I can feel your pain. I'm sorry you're feeling this. You are doing so well. Keep going. It will get better. Xxxx

Thank you. I erroneously thought every session was going to be as good as the last 3 or 4 have been. Therapy doesn't work like that.

I realized something else. I miss the excited, in love feelings I used to feel a lot of the time with her. Now I just feel like she's just a "regular person" like she told me once. This is a Good sign but shows too clearly what I'm missing in my life.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm sorry I was away for 2 days so I'm just reading the responses now. It helped to go over the whole session in my mind, therefore realizing that T was acting the way she always does but I couldn't relax enough. So I can feel the good feelings but I didn't get them from holding her hand. I felt rushed because there wasn't enough time left.

Thank you. I immediately went into "all or nothing" mode,I think. If T can't make the feelings happen, then it's all up to me. I can't count on her for anything. I know that's not true. Not every session is going to be 100% productive. I get disappointed easily; I have to work on that.

Thank you. I erroneously thought every session was going to be as good as the last 3 or 4 have been. Therapy doesn't work like that.

I realized something else. I miss the excited, in love feelings I used to feel a lot of the time with her. Now I just feel like she's just a "regular person" like she told me once. This is a Good sign but shows too clearly what I'm missing in my life.

This is a really hard realization. I had this a few years ago with a woman I was very close to (I used to see her for reflexology and ended up telling her more than I should) we became very close and it all went horribly wrong when I felt abandoned by her and realized she is just a regular person. She sees many, many clients, has a family (happy and large) of her own. It was really painful. I relate. I moved on and I still see her very occasionally for a treatment or a coffee. It isnt the same. My feelings have changed and I see her as just a regular person. All those "in love" feeling have gone. It hurts and does make you look at your own life. But I think it is a sign of healing too. I am all over the place atm. Sorry I am not making much sense.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Sorry you are experiencing a disconnected feeling. I think it is a pretty normal occurrence. It still feels crummy, though! Have you communicated this feeling to your Therapist yet?
Try to keep in mind it is temporary and the connection will be back.

Could it be you really are beginning to internalize those good feelings and it scares you because that means the connection is not as strong between you and your Therapist when you are together? For instance, you could be feeling these great things every day and when it comes time for your session the feeling is "nothing new". I can see how that could cause disconnect.