T's Reactions to Our Stories

[QUOTE=HazelGirl;3788788]

Why do you think you were over-dramatic? Maybe you weren't and they chose to respond that way anyway?
QUOTE]

Their reaction made no sense. There was no reason for them to over react.

If I can add something to this...
My previous T said at the beginning that he might have to cry "for me" first before I will allow myself to do it... My reaction was rather "no way! You'd really think so, I'll rather think that you're weak and pathetic"... Of course I didn't say it aloud... I only said "I don't think so" and he said "we will see", so we saw and none of us was right - he cried but I didn't but I also didn't find it pitiful...

However, with my second T it is different, I and have this bad feeling that if she starts tearing up, I might join her... But I know why... In my case it is that I do not have much feelings about myself, I'm rather emty as I've burried all emotions many years ago but... I do have a lot (too much?) empathy and I feel for others, when someone is happy I am immediately happy even if I have no reason to be, if someone is sad I become sad... So if my T starts tearing up and makes one of her very sad faces, I might feel so sad that I might tear up as well. Weird, huh? I'd cry because of T who'd cry because of me...

My exT's reaction:
- at the first session I told him in few sentences about the reason of the therapy (csa) - he was absolutely okay with that
- after some session, I told him a bit more - he was still okay, like not a big deal and we have to understand why I reacted how I did etc.
- I gave him two examples in details - he was terrified, cried, said that within 30 years of experience he had other clients with csa history but nothing even half as bad etc.
- it ended up that he was not a good T for me and sometimes I am not sure if my story wasn't just too much for him...

My current T:
- before the first visit I sent in the e-mail the very triggering sentence which my previous T told me (I've even posted it here), so she knew what kind and l"level" of the abuse it was
- My T does only quick diagnosis or trauma work, so I am sure she is much more experienced with such stories
- she doesn't know much details, she makes sometimes very sad face but hasn't cried (yet). I hope she can handle a lot because the experience with my previous T was not so cool...

T says he feels angry sometimes at people in my past. he mentioned that he has talked to his therapist about a portion of my story. T doesnt cry with me or i havent seen it. i dont think i would want him to cry. it would make me uncomfortable.

Mine has shown anger and shock/surprise. I also felt he overreacted. Like I wanted to take it back cause maybe I was being dramatic or maybe I was wrong in what I said....But part of me felt cared about in some way.

I think it was my post on the other thread? My T told me he had tears in his eyes and was upset. I felt really bad but he said it was okay, he was willing to be upset. He said he didn't mind, quite the opposite.

I asked him today if he meant he LIKED being upset and he said yes actually, in a way because it made him feel connected to me.

Yes, it was yours. And it has sparked some great conversation, so thanks for sharing!

My therapist does feel sadness or anger or joy when I tell him about some things that have happened or are happening to me. Once he even said he was affected that I had just been treated very badly that day and that it's normal to be affected when someone important to you is treated like that. It's comforting to me. At the same time, I find it so comforting because I know he takes good care of himself and that he has a good support network too. So I know that he's not too affected. I think this balance is important.

I think the idea of a therapist and comfort together baffles me in general.

Thanks for listening!!

No, he does not seem happy when I tell him about my childhood - what I talk about is minor things, like being slapped and treated with a couple of days days of total silence by my dad when I was 4 years old and had said the wrong thing. So really nothing that could be thought of as abusive. But T is very clear on the fact that he thinks my parents did not treat me well, and he has even said that he disagrees with me about it being all my own fault. But he doesn't convey feelings of personal sadness or anger.

I had a happy childhood, I just didn't manage to be happy.

Although it is true that when I mention positive things that happen to me now or positive things that I do for myself, T does seem happy about it. Which is really nice.

This has been a wonderful thread...Thanks HazelGirl for starting it...

(((thread responders)))

WB

I wouldn't call that happy. And that is definitely abusive, although certainly not seen as "bad" in our world. My T says that emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse. 4 days of silence is incredibly mean, harsh, and abusive.

Nope, it was helpful instead: it made me realize the seriousness of what happened and rebuild my perception of things and a self defence idea which I was totally missing, as crazy as it may sound. (Actually now I'm having a very hard time with this new view of things and T is literally keeping me together.)

This happened in my therapy session two days ago.

My therapist didn't cry, but she did tell me a long list of how she felt when I was reading part of my stories as she likes to call it.

It really stunned me because no one has ever expressed any feelings about my stories. I never even really thought about it until she told me how she felt, but it upset me quite a bit. Not that she had feelings about my stories, but how someone else actually has feelings about my stories.

To be honest when she first started telling me how she felt she said angry and I was triggered. I felt like maybe she was angry with me. I hold a lot if blame for the abuse I went through. I came to terms with it a little bit that's not what she meant, but not completely. I still feel a little triggered about it.

I almost want to ask her why she has feelings about what I've been through, but feel like it might be inappropriate. However if it triggers me I guess it would be good to talk about it.

My old T used to cry ALL.THE.TIME. I mean, it got to the point where I would get super uncomfortable because she would always cry with the stories I told her. My current T has never cried, but she does show a lot of sympathy and kindness and emotion, never tears though, which I'm very relieved about.

My T has been a therapist for a while now too, but she still is very sympathetic and shows sadness, either genuine or very convincing, and a range of other emotions with the things I tell her. I feel like she does care about me, she goes out of her way to do things with me to help with my therapy.

I understand about the anger thing. It makes me really nervous when my T says she is angry, because I need to know that she isn't angry at me and won't take her anger out on me.

Ugh. Crying all the time would be really weird. I would hate that.

My T has teared up never cried. She helped me go through 3 deaths of the most influencial people of my life, literally the people who made me who I am and helped me through my MI as a kid. She teared each time for them. She also has teared the times I have walked in so depressed that I was non-responsive.