[Findingjoy1795]

Ok. So here's the deal. I'm a 19-year-old female and have been getting treatment for depression for almost 3 1/2 years. I have tried countless medications as well as multiple counselors. I'm seeing a new counselor (have been for about two months) and we click VERY well. She's young and sweet, and I think she totally gets where I'm coming from. Our sessions are the one time each week when I really feel heard and understood, and I kind of push feeling away during the week until that time.

So I guess that leads me to the problem. 45 minutes isn't nearly enough time to talk about all I need to, and I leave my appointments (with current counselor and am past one) feeling more depressed than before. In fact, I usually go home and have a good cry. And then count down the days until I see her again.

Now, from what I've researched, when people talk to their counselor they get a lot of intense emotions out and running around, which can be emotionally exhausting, and that's why people feel bad afterwards. And while I definitely believe that's part of it, I really don't think that's the full problem.

I think I look forward to my appointments too much. I think I'm living for them and floating through life between them. It sure feels like it. I could not tell you how many times between appointments I think about them. And I remember thinking just the other day "you can make it. Two more days and you're back."

Yesterday my counselor canceled my appointment for this week (she's out of town or something). I was devastated and felt really blue the rest of the day. Which makes me even more convinced about my theory.

So yeah. That's it. And I'm not sure what to do about it.
Anyone else feel this way? Did you tell your counselor? Then what happened? What do I do?

[atomicc]

Hello Findingjoy1795 and welcome to PC!
What you are describing sounds to me like there may be transference going on, but I am no expert. I definitely think you should bring up to your counselor, she is trained to deal with these and can help you work through your emotions. Good luck and again, welcome to PC!

[Leah123]

Have you considered having two sessions a week, would that be an option? You might just need more support to do your best- I do.

Also, I would definitely support your idea of telling your counselor this, and want to add that it's normal and common- why wouldn't you relish the hour where you have a devoted, caring, helpful listener?

Hopefully she can help you both with concrete steps to enjoy your life outside therapy better as well as supporting you in therapy so that you get to a place, when you're ready, where you grow out of your needy feelings for it. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, in my experience, it's something to accept and trust that you'll get through it with work and time.

[Wysteria]

I feel like that a lot...so I can definitely relate. My T gets it and he is cool with my emailing him either journal entries (which gets him up to date and ready for appt faster), emails about how I'm feeling or about an event or whatever...we have an understanding that he may or may not be able to reply...but when he does it really helps me to stay on top of our connection..

It mostly means that he is important to me and that I need connection as I have very little interactions otherwise. I don't really think of this as transference per se.

Right now I am also seeing him twice a week for a while since I've been struggling....like Leah recommended. Perhaps next time you talk to her, you could explain how things are going for you.

Connection is so important and it sounds like you need more support. Perhaps you could also add some group therapy or something? Just some ideas...

Take care and advocate for what you need...

Hugs,
WB

[Petra5ed]

It's totally normal. I feel that way, all of the psych literature is written as though it is almost expected clients will feel that way too. It's really kind of crazy actually. I would recommend checking around online to confirm this so you feel good about it, but yes do tell your therapist. If she's any good she should be able to help you. She should know exactly what you're talking about.

[Findingjoy1795]

Thank you all! Seriously. So helpful. I will definitely tell my counselor
when I see her next week. And I'll let you know how it goes! We were already
thinking about bumping up to 2 times a week, so I'll also see if she's still on board with
that. I so appreciate any and all advice and comments. So glad I found you guys!

I'm glad to hear that you are going to talk to your counsellor about this, and also that you have the option of going twice a week. Twice-weekly sessions makes it easier for me (and my therapist has said that he would see me three times a week if it were possible.) So you are really not alone or weird in any way for feeling like this.

[Mactastic]

I totally understand! Problem is, I don't believe my T genuinely cares. I 100% he cares in sessions but I think he forgets me midweek and that hurts (see other thread lol!) but I ended up telling him all this and it helped so much. I agree you should talk to her about this. Good luck

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[Findingjoy1795]

Well, I just had my appointment with my T and told her what I said here.

She agreed that bumping up to twice weekly would be a good idea, but didn't say much else about it. She asked if I have anyone else in my life that could give me any parts of what I get from her (understanding, a listening ear, support through my depression). But there's really not. I feel like I'm burdening people if I talk about my problems. Although I pay my T, so to me that's ok.

I see her again Monday, but got home and cried as usual. Here begins the five-day countdown.

[precaryous]

Finding joy, I have felt that way. I still feel that way. To me, it feels like I hold my breath all week long until I'm in session.

I'm glad you can see her twice a week. Therapy can be intense.