[Abby]

I think I have gone as far as I can in therapy.

I told my therapist that one of the main reasons I continue with therapy is that I feel I have a hole in my heart. It allows all positive stuff to leak out so when times are rough I have no memories or feelings to hold on to. I told her it causes me great amounts of pain. I told her that despite being able to acknowledge the positive feelings, if they can't sustain me then life doesn't feel worth it. I end up coping through hurting myself because I genuinely do not know what else to do. She understood, she has watched me and been with me through it over the last few years. It's real.

I asked if it was simply who I am, an unhappy person. She said it might be, and then asked what I would do if it were. I gave her some options, one was to keep looking for someone to fill up the emptiness. She wondered if that person could be me, and I agreed it should be but part of me is too angry because I have only been able to rely on me and I am tired and angry at that. I cannot seem to let the rage go, the idea that if I do it will "let people get away with it". I don't even know what 'it' is or who I am so angry at. So I feel stuck and helpless.

I left feeling horrific. I can't continue with this pain, no matter how rational, functional and sensible I am, the pain is just as real. My self harm continues and is simply one tiny external manifestation of the pain. I understand I am sensitive and feel my emotions more intensely than others, and that how I feel is in no way pathological. I can accept I am sensitive, I cannot accept that I will always be in such pain. Should I have to?

I give up on my therapist, honestly I feel she is telling me to continue despite knowing the level of pain and how extreme it can get. I feel I'm being told this is me, I am pain.

I feel hopeless. I thought therapy might help me to reduce the pain, it has helped a lot but this main issue remains, and it seems as though it is simply because of who I am.

[HazelGirl]

What type of therapy does your T do? Maybe you need another type?

This sounds like a psychodynamic or a T focused on your relationship might be more beneficial.

[Abby]

I think it is psychodynamic. It is certainly more talking than any practical skills, and it isn't CBT.

I feel I've worn her out, or she doesn't know what to do..... Actually, it is more that perhaps she can't say anything because there is nothing she can say, and she knows that which is why she isn't recommending another type of therapy etc. Existential angst is what I seem to suffer from...

[Leah123]

I suggest DBT. You can counteract a lot of that negativity with skills based practice, like an exercise regime to cut loose extra fat. Takes comittment and regular practice. If you haven't tried it, I definitely recommend it, with her, on your own, in a group, however you prefer. I do a workbook on my own and then sometimes we focus on it in session if I want.\

http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Be.../dp/1572245131

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Abby

I think it is psychodynamic. It is certainly more talking than any practical skills, and it isn't CBT.

I feel I've worn her out, or she doesn't know what to do..... Actually, it is more that perhaps she can't say anything because there is nothing she can say, and she knows that which is why she isn't recommending another type of therapy etc. Existential angst is what I seem to suffer from...

So maybe a more skills-based therapy might work better? DBT, like what was already mentioned, or even CBT? Or try something very different like finding a therapist who focuses on attachment or if you have trauma, EMDR.