[HazelGirl]

I don't exactly know how to ask this question. It came from another thread where someone was talking about how their T was upset because of their story. And I am wondering if anyone else has had that happen? Has your T expressed their own sadness/tears/sorrow over what you have gone through?

My T has said that she understands what I am feeling, but I don't know how much it really affects her emotionally. Is it a mental acknowledgement that it would be upsetting to go through something like that? Or is she sad about what I am talking about? I don't know the answer for her, but I haven't ever seen her tear up or anything. Maybe she's just heard so many stories at this point (she's been a T for 20+ years) that nothing really phases her by now.

Anyone else have any stories or experiences regarding this?

[jacq10]

Great question.

One of my old T's and I were very attuned with each other's feelings. She also lead my mindfulness class and so we did a lot of work on just that. One time, during a particularly hard session, T shed a tear with me. Another time she ran her hand across my face to wipe away a tear. She was lovely.

I haven't really had anything like that with my current T ... but I think she understood how I was feeling when my 51-year-old Dad randomly had a stroke. She mentioned how her Dad had health issues too, and so she was particularly helpful to me during that stressful time.

I think that there is a fine balance that a T has to find between not feeling too emotionally involved in the stories we tell them (so they don't take them home with them and/or burnout), and being empathetic and providing us the support we need.

I am so thankful for my T(s)

[stopdog]

Both of the ones I see have over-reacted to things I have explained about my past.
As far as I know, they have not cried.

Oh, most definitely.

On a few occasions he has expressed his anger with the people who hurt me so badly in my past.

Probably the most touching was when we knew my sister's death was impending within the next day or so. I was distraught, and I realized my T was crying. He had lost a very close cousin when he was in his early 20's and my pain brought that up for him. T had been with me through my sister's cancer, through my testing for bone marrow compatibility, through my months of being with her in the hospital and the non-stop medical crises with her for that past year. And he was with me at the end of her life and honestly, we were all so emotionally exhausted by that point, he was feeling it too.

That was probably the point where I felt he was most attuned to where I was emotionally at a given moment.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Oh, most definitely.

On a few occasions he has expressed his anger with the people who hurt me so badly in my past.

Probably the most touching was when we knew my sister's death was impending within the next day or so. I was distraught, and I realized my T was crying. He had lost a very close cousin when he was in his early 20's and my pain brought that up for him. T had been with me through my sister's cancer, through my testing for bone marrow compatibility, through my months of being with her in the hospital and the non-stop medical crises with her for that past year. And he was with me at the end of her life and honestly, we were all so emotionally exhausted by that point, he was feeling it too.

That was probably the point where I felt he was most attuned to where I was emotionally at a given moment.

Wow. That's an incredibly touching story.

Now that you mention it, my T has gotten angry at people around me who have treated me badly or were being extremely selfish around me. And she has gotten angry (or had some sort of negative reaction, I don't know if angry is quite the right way to describe it) towards people who have hurt me in the past.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by jacq10

Great question.

One of my old T's and I were very attuned with each other's feelings. She also lead my mindfulness class and so we did a lot of work on just that. One time, during a particularly hard session, T shed a tear with me. Another time she ran her hand across my face to wipe away a tear. She was lovely.

I haven't really had anything like that with my current T ... but I think she understood how I was feeling when my 51-year-old Dad randomly had a stroke. She mentioned how her Dad had health issues too, and so she was particularly helpful to me during that stressful time.

I think that there is a fine balance that a T has to find between not feeling too emotionally involved in the stories we tell them (so they don't take them home with them and/or burnout), and being empathetic and providing us the support we need.

I am so thankful for my T(s)

I think that maybe if my T cried, it might make me feel more okay with crying. Or it would freak me out. I'm not sure which, haha.

[sweepy62]

Yes my old t expressed anger when I was talking about CSa, she threw her notepad down on her desk and said, this should not have had happened to you.

Another time, I was reading something to her and she told me to stop, she got emotional.

This t is very attuned to my feelings and I can sense her pain.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I think that maybe if my T cried, it might make me feel more okay with crying.

I find that a curious concept - do you know why or how it could do that?

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I find that a curious concept - do you know why or how it could do that?

Maybe it would make me feel more like it's okay or allowed, or like she won't judge me for it. Or maybe even that it's appropriate for me to feel sad and cry around others. I absolutely hate crying in front of others, because I'm so worried about making them feel uncomfortable.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Yes my old t expressed anger when I was talking about CSa, she threw her notepad down on her desk and said, this should not have had happened to you.

Another time, I was reading something to her and she told me to stop, she got emotional.

This t is very attuned to my feelings and I can sense her pain.

What is that like, to sense her pain? Do you find yourself reacting or responding to it?

[jacq10]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Maybe it would make me feel more like it's okay or allowed, or like she won't judge me for it. Or maybe even that it's appropriate for me to feel sad and cry around others. I absolutely hate crying in front of others, because I'm so worried about making them feel uncomfortable.

Might be a good thought experiment for you to discuss with your T!

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by jacq10

Might be a good thought experiment for you to discuss with your T!

We have at times. I don't like talking about it, so I don't really allow her to ask too many questions, or I will deflect and not really answer her questions. Eventually, maybe I will. But not yet.

My T has been angry at those who have hurt me too, On one occasion she did have tears in her eyes when I was telling her something very traumatic.

[Ambra]

My therapist looked speechless when I disclosed to her for the first time. Then something I would classify as anger and sadness followed. She teared up mybe, once, but never actually cried (neither have I so far). I think it's very ok for me. I can still disclose knowing she is there and at the same time, I found it sweet and caring of her (she didn't overreact anyway).

[sweepy62]

It's very deep to sense her pain, I feel sad, in a way like I'm hurting her, and I feel disgusted and ashamed for doing so like I'm pushing her away, she says it's totally opposite.

In another way I feel closer to her like she is holding me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Krazy Cat

My T has been angry at those who have hurt me too, On one occasion she did have tears in her eyes when I was telling her something very traumatic.

It is very validating when a T gets angry on our behalf, like we have a right to feel angry and wronged, too.

Originally Posted by Ambra

My therapist looked speechless when I disclosed to her for the first time. Then something I would classify as anger and sadness followed. She teared up mybe, once, but never actually cried (neither have I so far). I think it's very ok for me. I can still disclose knowing she is there and at the same time, I found it sweet and caring of her (she didn't overreact anyway).

Her being speechless didn't bother you?

Originally Posted by sweepy62

It's very deep to sense her pain, I feel sad, in a way like I'm hurting her, and I feel disgusted and ashamed for doing so like I'm pushing her away, she says it's totally opposite.

In another way I feel closer to her like she is holding me.

Thanks for answering my question! I think I might have the same reaction if I felt like she was extremely sad. I think I would freak out and get scared that I had said too much. But I also understand the opposite side of that, feeling closer to her because she understands. It is really weird some of the non-verbal communication that goes on.

[lightcatcher]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I don't exactly know how to ask this question. It came from another thread where someone was talking about how their T was upset because of their story. And I am wondering if anyone else has had that happen? Has your T expressed their own sadness/tears/sorrow over what you have gone through?

My T has said that she understands what I am feeling, but I don't know how much it really affects her emotionally. Is it a mental acknowledgement that it would be upsetting to go through something like that? Or is she sad about what I am talking about? I don't know the answer for her, but I haven't ever seen her tear up or anything. Maybe she's just heard so many stories at this point (she's been a T for 20+ years) that nothing really phases her by now.

Anyone else have any stories or experiences regarding this?

My T has expressed anger at the people who have hurt and failed me. I have also seen T tear up a lot when I talk about my childhood; I've thought about this and pondered why. Maybe it triggers something for T, or maybe she is expressing what I need to. Sometimes when she sheds a tear as I talk I think, 'huh, maybe it really was sad and upsetting'. Maybe T is teaching me about my feelings by showing me, like parents would with their children??
I'm ok with it, it makes me feel that she understands and cares about me.
Her tears are never over the top and never becomes a topic of conversation. They just are.

[monkeybrains21]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Oh, most definitely.

On a few occasions he has expressed his anger with the people who hurt me so badly in my past.

Probably the most touching was when we knew my sister's death was impending within the next day or so. I was distraught, and I realized my T was crying. He had lost a very close cousin when he was in his early 20's and my pain brought that up for him. T had been with me through my sister's cancer, through my testing for bone marrow compatibility, through my months of being with her in the hospital and the non-stop medical crises with her for that past year. And he was with me at the end of her life and honestly, we were all so emotionally exhausted by that point, he was feeling it too.

That was probably the point where I felt he was most attuned to where I was emotionally at a given moment.

I wanted to pm u but can't. What kind of cancer? I myself had a different experience. I was a forced bone marrow, blood and tissue donor. Ive never met or heard of another person like me. U r the closest I want I know more.

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

I wanted to pm u but can't. What kind of cancer? I myself had a different experience. I was a forced bone marrow, blood and tissue donor. Ive never met or heard of another person like me. U r the closest I want I know more.

My sister had mylodysplastic syndrome (MDS) as the result of chemotherapy to treat breast cancer (exactly like what happened to Robin Roberts on Good Morning America). It is a pre-leukemia condition that can be survivable through stem cell transplantation as we've seen the great result that Ms. Roberts had. My other sister and I hoped we would be a match for her, but we were both only 50% matches (and ironically 100% matches for each other). They did find an anonymous bone marrow donor for my sister. The transplant went fine, but she suffered constant problems with HVGD (Host Versus Graft Disease) and wasted away due to those problems. It was a very difficult process for all of us.

[stopdog]

I did not find their over reaction useful or comforting. I did wonder if perhaps I had been overly dramatic when I described things to create such a response from them.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

I wanted to pm u but can't. What kind of cancer? I myself had a different experience. I was a forced bone marrow, blood and tissue donor. Ive never met or heard of another person like me. U r the closest I want I know more.

That sounds horrible. I am sorry you were forced into such terrible procedures.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I did find their over reaction useful or comforting. I did wonder if perhaps I had been overly dramatic when I described things to create such a response from them.

Is there a missing negation after the "did"? (Apologies if I'm being presumptious - if you did find it useful I'm glad, it just seems grammatically and semantically more likely that you meant to say "did not".)

I'm not sure whether I would like T to have an emotional reaction to anything I say. In a way it would maybe make me feel more as if my history matters, but I suspect I would be a bit uncomfortable if he were to seem sad or upset about anything I said. (I don't think I have any stories to tell that might evoke such reactions anyway, but I know that it's hard to be sure what might seem strange or upsetting to other people.)

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by lightcatcher

My T has expressed anger at the people who have hurt and failed me. I have also seen T tear up a lot when I talk about my childhood; I've thought about this and pondered why. Maybe it triggers something for T, or maybe she is expressing what I need to. Sometimes when she sheds a tear as I talk I think, 'huh, maybe it really was sad and upsetting'. Maybe T is teaching me about my feelings by showing me, like parents would with their children??
I'm ok with it, it makes me feel that she understands and cares about me.
Her tears are never over the top and never becomes a topic of conversation. They just are.

I am glad you find them helpful. It sounds like your T is very open and honest.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I did find their over reaction useful or comforting. I did wonder if perhaps I had been overly dramatic when I described things to create such a response from them.

Why do you think you were over-dramatic? Maybe you weren't and they chose to respond that way anyway?

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I'm not sure whether I would like T to have an emotional reaction to anything I say. In a way it would maybe make me feel more as if my history matters, but I suspect I would be a bit uncomfortable if he were to seem sad or upset about anything I said. (I don't think I have any stories to tell that might evoke such reactions anyway, but I know that it's hard to be sure what might seem strange or upsetting to other people.)

If I remember, you had a relatively happy childhood, correct? Maybe hearing about parents who did things right would make your T smile and be happy for you.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Is there a missing negation after the "did"? (Apologies if I'm being presumptious - if you did find it useful I'm glad, it just seems grammatically and semantically more likely that you meant to say "did not".)

Thanks, I fixed it.
I meant i did not find it useful at all.