[catastrophic]

Just like the title suggest, I always apologise, I feel like I am sorry for everything I do.

Mostly tho I apologise to my T. Apologise for having a bad session, or for crying in the session, or for pretty much anything.

My T tho, says that it is unnecessary because we are not in a normal relationship therefore the normal social nicety's don't apply.

But I am still not sure how to stop apologising...

I feel really bad that I am wasting her time, or that I am even existing... That even after all this time I still have issues with trusting her - and she has been amazing. I feel like I'm just a asteroid of space in all honesty. Some days are better then others...

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[nottrustin]

I can relate to most of what you said. Especially about the trust part. I feel like I trust her completely, yet I often find that I have fears of telling her things that I am ashamed of.

You are not wasting her time though. If she felt it was a waste of time she has the ability to change it.

[HazelGirl]

I think this is pretty normal in counseling, especially if you have low self-esteem, which it sounds like you do. Your T has had many clients who are similar, and it (hopefully!) doesn't bother her. Have you been able to talk about why you apologize so much? I know it's hard to admit to someone else that you feel like you aren't worth their time, but it can be good if you allow her to know what you're feeling and allow her to help.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T once noted to me that most people apologize for actions or words that have impacted another person in a detrimental way. I apologize for feelings, thoughts, and sometimes just existing. I try to keep those words in mind, and when I feel the need to apologize, I try to ask myself what I'm apologizing for and if it's really necessary. If I haven't done or said something to T that is hurtful to her, then I try not to apologize. It's hard, though. I will often tell T that I feel the urge to apologize and why, and we talk about it, rather than my just uttering the apology and her telling me it's not necessary.

[jacq10]

oh my goodness my T and I just had a similar discussion this morning!!!

Last week I got in a particularly bad situation (medically) and ended up texting her and then she ended up calling me to make sure I got the help I needed. I felt SOOO bad having taken her time outside of work, and worrying her like I did, that I spent the first five minutes of my session just apologizing - and then wrapped up the session with some more apologies despite our prior conversation on how it was unnecessary!

I also am not sure how to stop apologizing. If you find out how, please let me know

This is something I do too, but I really try to watch it because i find it so annoying and insincere when other people do it.

[liveinspired]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I can relate to most of what you said. Especially about the trust part. I feel like I trust her completely, yet I often find that I have fears of telling her things that I am ashamed of.

You are not wasting her time though. If she felt it was a waste of time she has the ability to change it.

I can relate as well.

I apologize a lot in general, but especially in general.

The other week after I had processed the week before I couldn't stop laughing in therapy and there was nothing remotely funny going on. I told her I was sorry for wasting her time and because I was laughing. She replied saying that I didn't need to apologize because I wasn't waiting her time and that I was laughing because I was trying not to cry.

So you're definitely not alone.

[catastrophic]

Thank you all for your responses.
We kinda have had a chat about why I feel like I need to apologise. But it didn't really go anywhere, if thAt makes sense.

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[RTerroni]

I seem to apologize a lot as well.

[Elektra_]

hi. it has to do with ur sense of self-worth... did u suffer some kind of abuse/bullying? maybe whenever u feel like saying it stop urself and think "im a valuable person, i deserve to be treated" (something like that). tc

[growlycat]

I talk about this w/my CBT T a lot. He gently teases me that I've apologized for speed bumps, the sun in his eyes and of course, that time he smacked his elbow on the bookcase behind him. I told him apologizing for me is like a tic I can't help.

I think growing up everything pissed off my parents so I was constantly apologizing. I hate it and I have a hard time stopping. What I don't get is that it never served me well as a coping mechanism so why do I do it?

Does your T have any thoughts about compulsive apologizing?

I'm constantly apologizing to my therapist. And then I start apologizing for apologizing too much. It's something I'm trying to work on.

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

[Wysteria]

I went to a group home for a bit a few months back...I was constantly apologizing trying to not offend anyone and to stay in the background. Did not think my experiences or hurt counted.

As a group, they chastised me EVERY SINGLE time I apologized...nearly broke me of the habit...lol...nearly.

Still hard to see myself of worthy of attention...

wb

[stopdog]

I never apologize to the therapist unless I am late (very rarely) or if I bumped into her (I have never bumped into her but I would apologize if I did) or something like that. I cannot imagine what else a client would have to apologize for really.

In real life, I find people who apologize for things they are not and could not be responsible for to be confusing and oddly keeping the focus on them.

[feralkittymom]

I think it's often either a need for attention or a need to disappear. Either way, it seems to come from self-esteem issues. I think apologizing as a tic or compulsive ritual is less common. I don't apologize unnecessarily in RL, and learned not to make it a feature of my communication because it is misread between genders in the workplace.

But in therapy, apologizing was often a cue to my T that I was feeling regressed, so it was valuable in his attunement.

[Patagonia]

If I have nothing to say I apologize. I'm sure there's something I did wrong that I didn't notice yet.

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