[stopdog]

Do you want to know what the therapist would do in situations similar to yours or what they have done when facing the same sorts of things as you do?

[brillskep]

Sometimes I'm curious what he would do. I don't do something just because my therapist would, though.

[someone321]

No, and I am glad, I am not in therapy to hear advices... Telling me what T would have done if she had faced the same situation as I did as a kid, would annoy me, because knowing what I know now, I'd have also behaved differently (at least I hope) than I did then... And telling me what T would do if she was me with respect to present situations? I'd find it weird as I do not consult my present problems with my T... I can manage present challenges, I only have problems with the past and with the effects of the past on the presence...

On the other hand, my T always tells me what she does during the session and why, and she explains every step of the therapy as detailed as I want, so that kind of "telling me what they do" helps

[UnderRugSwept]

I said Other. I don't really ask them (I see 2 Ts) what they would do. I am sure if they gave me their opinions when I had a situation well in hand already that it would be annoying, but they don't do this. However, if I wanted advice on how to handle something, I could see where their opinion might be helpful to me, and I would ask them. I have just never needed to so far.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by someone321

On the other hand, my T always tells me what she does during the session and why, and she explains every step of the therapy as detailed as I want, so that kind of "telling me what they do" helps

Yes, I find the therapist explaining what they are trying to do as a therapist when they act in the appointment very useful too. The second one I see does that.

[Leah123]

I do occasionally appreciate her guidance on parenting, as she's a specialist and I admit to being stumped by my daughter occasionally.

In terms of other suggestions, no... I have a lot of faith in my judgment and don't feel the need to know how someone else would live my life. She doesn't tend to offer advice like that, which I appreciate.

[unaluna]

My t says he makes his bed every morning, listens to music, that the kitchen sink is clean when he goes to bed - normal life things that i have a hard time giving myself permission for. So in that sense, his modeling opens up a space for me to exist in.

[Parley]

it would tick me off. Especially if it was telling me how she would have handled things that got me to this point. I know where i made my mistakes and I don't see the point of her salting it in. If i want her opinion on how she would handle something now, I'll ask her but I doubt she'd give it. she'd say, "lets talk about why you want to know what I would do."

[HazelGirl]

Occasionally, she does. And I do think it helps because I know that others have been in the same situation and have found their way out.

[Ambra]

Only if it can be useful to me. I am not interested in just "what they would do if they were in my shoes", but more in the reasons why they would react or have reacted in a certain way, to have the process explained clearly and more tools to analyze a given situation under a different point of view.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T will typically only offer her opinion on various situations if I ask her for it. Then, it's suggestions of what I could do, not what she would do.

Sometimes, I think it would be interesting to hear what she would do, but the reality is that she's a different person with different strengths, and her approach might not be one I would ever choose. So, it's more helpful to hear ideas for how I can handle a situation, with T's knowledge of me and my own strengths and weaknesses.

Usually, the conversation goes like this:
Me: "here's the thing...blah, blah, blah" (as I describe the situation)
Sometimes T: "would you like to hear some suggestions?" Me: "YES!"
Sometimes Me: "I really need some suggestions on how to handle this"
T: "Well, I can see a few approaches you could take..." (and she goes on to give me ideas)

I have no reason to think that my therapist has faced the same things I do. And I definitely would not want him to tell me what he did, if he had. T is no different from any other person in this respect. I have no problem understanding that the way I do things is generally wrong, but I don't particularly appreciate people shaming me (however unintentionally) by letting me know that they are so much better at life. I can't imagine my T doing that and I am grateful for it.

Like others have said, I am not in therapy to get advice. I trust my T and am sure his advice would be good, but it's not what he's paid for.

Yes, he does talk to me about how he might go about handling certain situations as they arise currently. He doesn't do that in relation to old news, but he does as it pertains to certain current situations. And I'm talking more about crisis-type situations where I may not be sure how to navigate the "bureaucracy" of a problem such as a medical crisis, etc. where he has experience and helpful guidance in that type of situation, I am more than thrilled for helpful hints, advice, insider knowledge, etc. He doesn't do it concerning everyday, long-term things where I have more time to work things out under much less stressful circumstances. I welcome his advice and guidance in a crisis. He's been a life-saver through many a crisis.

[stopdog]

The second one I see does use herself as an example of things and it is not like advice but more like she thinks I am going to be relieved or something that she has the same feeling or type of response.
I almost never, except in the most rare of situations, want the therapist to give me advice.

[nottrustin]

T doesn't do it often but occasionally she does. It usually revolves around parenting issues. Her son is older than my kids so sometimes it is more "the way I handled it with Scotty was" Doesn't mean it is always useful to me as my boys and Scotty is very different.

[tinyrabbit]

My T doesn't really deal in hypotheticals. He might make suggestions as to what I could do, or tell me what he has done, but he doesn't say what he would do in my shoes as he's not me.

[stopdog]

The ones I see don't use hypotheticals - it is more like I say I dislike it when X and the therapist says I get really angry when X happens too like when (and then facts).

[Perna]

I don't really care what my therapists are doing/trying to do, I assume they know how to do "it" as part of their education/experience package and, that they can do it "well" with me or that I will find them not very helpful. I like to think of myself as "unique", too, get anxious if others are too close/like me and use to deliberately give "wrong" answers when asked what I liked so I would not like what someone else in whatever group I was in liked. A therapist telling me about themselves is often too emotionally close and makes me anxious. I did not have much trouble when my T told me she had taken the exact same sailing lessons I had taken (same location/school) but that was after seeing her for over 15 years. I like to be able to control closeness/distance, not have it sprung on me by another.

[Wren_]

Our situations are so far apart that mostly telling me his experience just wouldn't fit ... a few times he has said things like that and I think it helped a little but other times made things worse