[emptyspace]

Is it important to you that your T says they care?
Or does it not matter to you?

I don't really have to hear him say that. His caring is evident in his actions. Actions speak much louder than words to me.

[kaliope]

I think it would creep me out...too intimate for me....my t has said she really enjoys working with me and that is enough to make me feel special

[HazelGirl]

It matters greatly to me. I would feel bad if she didn't genuinely care, and I fight against leaving therapy randomly when I start to wonder whether she does or not.

ETA: I don't need to hear it. I just need to see it in actions.

Wanted to add . . . he has told me he cares directly, but it wasn't particularly surprising to hear it from him, and it wasn't something I needed to hear to believe.

[stopdog]

The therapists have said it. I do not know why.

[CameraObscura]

At stage of therapy I'm in right now, yes.

In other stages of therapy, it's not as important as long as the relationship is stable and clear.

I don't think my t has ever said it. She hasn't HAD to say it, it's evident in her tone of voice and her actions and that means more to me that hearing the words would.

[clairelisbeth]

I can very much tell through her words and actions that she cares a lot, but there are times when I am struggling in a certain kind of way that I need a bit of reassurance (even though I know deep down).

[MoxieDoxie]

I can not have an emotional connection with someone or even open up to them if I feel they do not care for me on a personal level. I need to be more to them than dollar signs.

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I can not have an emotional connection with someone or even open up to them if I feel they do not care for me on a personal level. I need to be more to them than dollar signs.

But do you have to actually hear them say that, or are you able to understand their level of caring without the word?

[Wren_]

I need to hear it and see it in my T's actions
I know he does by his actions but hearing the words helps towards healing places inside me that need words as well as actions
Words without actions would seem fairly meaningless - I need and want the complete package

[MoxieDoxie]

Yes they need to articulate it.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Due to an extensive history of "empty word" experiences and trust issues, T saying she "cares" would not make one bit of difference. I've learned to trust people through actions and remain skeptical until the words are proven and evidence exists.

[Mactastic]

I'd say extremely important. My T would never say he cares about me (not his style) but he does say I "affect him" and I matter."

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[Freewilled]

I don't necessarily need to hear he cares, but the times he has told me (while sometimes quite hard to take in) have been pretty meaningful. In fact, he told me at our last session....I never know how to respond. I really appreciate his consistency, warm demeanor and what appears to be a genuine interest in me. Hearing him say it kind of corresponds with his behavior and makes it all make a little more sense. Like it all lines up or something...

I'm not sure if what I'm saying here makes sense but all this to say, I really appreciate him telling me he cares.

[growlycat]

Actions are best, but sometimes it is just nice to get a verbal confirmation.

[Bells129]

Although I can happily imagine her telling me that, I don't think I'd react that well if she said something so personal and almost intimate to me in reality. She's never told me she cares, but from the things she does for me I can tell she does.

[stopdog]

I usually ask "why are you telling me that in general and why did you choose now specifically?
It always seems so weirdly out of blue.

[rothfan6]

Words are ok but only if actions match. In my experience someone can say they care but then hurt me so words alone don't mean much.

My T hasn't said he cares directly but it helped a lot to hear he was in my corner and would be there for me. So far he's stuck to that.

[Rive.]

Not particularly. It is extremely rare for people to say something and actually mean it and/or follow through. And you soon realise that words are cheap and they didn’t mean anything.

If you (general you) want to get the measure and genuineness of someone’s caring, how they act is a better, or truer, indication. Actions do speak louder than words.

[Petra5ed]

I said no because I don't need to hear him say it to feel that he cares, in my particular case, my T is just good at showing he cares. I don't trust words as much as my gut, and I don't trust people and what they say a lot, I listen to the whole thing because most communication is nonverbal anyways. BUT, it is nice to hear he cares, and he's said that.

[RTerroni]

Yes that is very important, which is why I told the person who was recently assigned as my new Therapist that I just didn't think that things were going to work out between the 2 of us.

[Parley]

no~ at this point, I don't want to hear it and it would probably make me doubt she did care.

T is a professional. He does his job, and he does it well. He provides me with plenty of professional interest during my sessions. That is not the same as "caring". And reading the other thread about how people know their therapists care really brings home the fact that he doesn't.