[rothfan6]

It seems like a straightforward idea. Sit and talk to someone about my problems but it freaks me out. My T is online so for the last 9 months I've been behind my computer but in the next session we are suppose to try video instead of just text. I brought it up but I'm thinking about just telling him I don't want to try it. I'm in awe of everyone here who faces their T each session. How do you do it? I just don't have that much courage.

[Leah123]

You remind me a little of my daughter, who sometimes feels anxious about going to sleep.

"I can't do it."

"I'm trying and it just doesn't work!"

"Honey," I say, "you don't need to 'do' anything, just be still. It's all right."

All you need to do is sit in front of your computer, just sit there and answer the video call when it comes. You don't need to feel a certain way, act a certain way, say certain things. You just show up, and it'll be fine.

And you are very brave to be doing therapy. Remember.... you already have that bravery.

[HazelGirl]

You can do it! It is scary, and can be overwhelming. Don't expect things to click immediately, it will take some time (at least several minutes, maybe a session or two).

[rothfan6]

QUOTE=Leah123;3806294]"I'm trying and it just doesn't work!"
[/QUOTE]

I used to say the same thing when I was a kid. You sound like an awesome mom!

It makes me so anxious. I do feel like I have to 'do' something. I hope I can just answer the call but it's so hard. What if I can't say anything?

Thank you hazel! I'm trying not to have any expectations but I keep worrying that it will be weird or we won't click. Too many what ifs going around in my head.

[Elektra_]

wow i didnt even know that online therapy could be just msgs.. i think is quite important for u both to see each other. is one of the reasons why Ts dont like exchanging emails with their clients. cant experience tone, expression, attitude... so i think is quite important for u to try it. u already open up to them so now u will only have look at them. tc

[Leah123]

Well, maybe we should play the "what is the worst thing that could happen" game. Once in a while, I play it with myself when I feel really anxious, so anxious that I hardly know why I'm anxious anymore.

"What's the worst thing that can happen if you answer the call and feel so anxious you can't speak for a while?"

I guess the absolute worst, if you couldn't say any words at all for a long time would be that he would end the call, and you could try again later.

My therapist doesn't mind silence in therapy at all, and I bet your therapist will know you're nervous and will be very understanding.

What do you think is the worst thing that could possibly happen?

Also, what's the best that could happen?

[rothfan6]

The worst is probably I can't talk at all or I just say I'm fine and not be honest that I'm struggling. Or just hang up on him and have to apologize or not go back. It's like giving an oral report but 100 times worse. It's kinda of like starting over.

The best outcome we connect and it's easy to talk to him.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by rothfan6

The worst is probably I can't talk at all or I just say I'm fine and not be honest that I'm struggling. Or just hang up on him and have to apologize or not go back. It's like giving an oral report but 100 times worse. It's kinda of like starting over.

The best outcome we connect and it's easy to talk to him.

The worst, not being able to talk or be honest, doesn't sound too catastrophic. So, worst case scenario, it's tough, you don't speak up, and then....

you can schedule another session, yeah?

Also, have you warned him how nervous you're feeling? Might be good for him to know that to give you extra help through it.

My therapist has been extremely kind, understanding and patient when I've let her know about these things, and not been able to talk. Sometimes we just sit in silence, or I try and send her a link to a song that helps me express my mood and she'll listen to that. I think it's all part of the journey.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by rothfan6

It seems like a straightforward idea. Sit and talk to someone about my problems but it freaks me out. My T is online so for the last 9 months I've been behind my computer but in the next session we are suppose to try video instead of just text. I brought it up but I'm thinking about just telling him I don't want to try it. I'm in awe of everyone here who faces their T each session. How do you do it? I just don't have that much courage.

I have always found it hard to talk with my T - I emailed early on in our time together and I found it so much easier to be open. However apparently it is better to do it in real time face to face as then the work can't take place in such a detached way (so emailing is banned). I think the whole reason why it is harder face to face, can be because we are tapping into a different part of us.

The only courage I have is to turn up (and that is often so hard for me). Sometimes I say very little and can't even look at T, so I guess even in real time, I don't always "face" T.

I think it is about taking small steps.

What actually worked very well for me is asking whether you can write an email first. Me too, I have a lot less difficulties with writing things down than saying them. So I tried to mention what was going on, what was bothering me that week, etc. Then my T could use this for our session. And thank God, because I hate this 'how are you'-question and you sitting there, not knowing whether to throw things in right at that moment or to go for the safe 'I'm fine' or something (and then later regret you didn't talk about what you wanted to talk about).
I also think it helps when you have already been discovering things for yourself, you explored your feelings before you start talking that day. So in fact you're better prepared and sometimes a bit less stressed out. I really like that.
Now I sometimes still use it when I know that there will be things I would otherwise avoid telling. As to give myself no chance to go for the safe 'I'm fine'-option. But then again, of course this can cause more stress. So I'd try not to do this the first time and to go for just a short version of what happened in between sessions. And honestly, believe me that after a while you will start to appreciate the extra info you get (and give) when speaking. For me for example the difference between a call and a video chat was huge. I refused to do it for a long long time. But after a couple of video sessions, I can't say I really loved it, but it made things so much easier.
When you write, all of your sentences have kind of the same 'weight'. Not when speaking and definitely not when doing a video call. I believe it helps very well to get to the core issues, making things a lot more efficient. But yes, a bit scary too sometimes. :-)

How about you try at first without speaking? I mean, you watch each other on the video, and you talk through the text. That way you can even ignore that the camera is on if it helps you. And perhaps, some time into the session, or in the next session, you'll feel comfortable enough to speak.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I still struggle with talking to my T. I find email easier because I can emotionally "vomit", not see her reaction, and it gives her time to process.

But I do actually love talking to T in person, and I've learned to like talking to her on the phone. It makes her real to me. I find her voice so soothing and comforting. I now wish I could call her and just listen to her voice msg (but I'm scared she'll pick up). I also have found that I enjoy her expressions: the smiles, the laughs, the sad face, and the concerned face. I know that the expressions are genuine because I can see the response time.

I think talking to people about our problems is difficult for a lot of people. We often are told thing such as "suck it up", "deal with it", etc. We are taught not to air our problems out in public. And we fear being judged. Yet in a therapeutic relationship, we do the exact opposite. But I think it's worth it. We all need a safe place to express ourselves.

I always tell my T that I'd rather talk to her than a wall

[rothfan6]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Also, have you warned him how nervous you're feeling?

I told him I was nervous but didn't say how much. I think some of my fear is just trusting him and feeling safe. He's been understanding so far. Being seen and heard is a whole different level of trust.

Originally Posted by Breadfish

How about you try at first without speaking? I mean, you watch each other on the video, and you talk through the text. That way you can even ignore that the camera is on if it helps you. And perhaps, some time into the session, or in the next session, you'll feel comfortable enough to speak.

I think I could manage this. That still leaves typing as an option and talking if I'm able. My T has offered to do a session with just audio first but I think I'm going to have to just go straight to video or I'll lose my nerve.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I also have found that I enjoy her expressions: the smiles, the laughs, the sad face, and the concerned face. I know that the expressions are genuine because I can see the response time.

This gives me a little hope and something to look forward to. Seeing his expressions while we're talking versus an emoticon.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by rothfan6

How do you do it? I just don't have that much courage.

I just give it my "F" it attitude. For me being embarrassed just gets easier the older I get. I tell myself much like I do when I'm going to have a pedicure or something, I'm paying for this ****, and this person has a professional oath to keep my secrets. Then I do all the embarrassing stuff I just cant help myself from doing apparently, and it ends up being therapeutic because I don't need to beat myself up over it.