[pianolover]

Hi everyone! I had originally posted this in the "General Q&A" section, but it was made evident that I might be able to get more responses here~ So sorry for the double post >_<;;;

Anyways, I've been seeing my current therapist for about a year. She is very nice, but there are a few things I have noticed about her that have become a bit bothersome to me. Lately we've been having appointments once or twice a month, as things in my life have become more stable. I've been facebook friends with my T for a few months now, and I've noticed that lately, she seems to comment on almost EVERYTHING I post. I'm talking not even useful comments, comments like "Lol". Also, at the end of every appointment, and at the beginning of my last few appointments, too, she's given me the loooongest hugs. I'm not a huggy person unless you're one of my close friends, and it's a bit much and makes me uncomfortable when she constantly hugs me, and doesn't ask permission for it ("I need a hug!" she'll always say). Also, she brings up things that I've said I don't want to talk about, and she tends to laugh at things I say a lot, which is alright, but once or twice, when I've come across a problem, she's started laughing, and said, "You're screwed!". I don't know what to do anymore. I luckily had my appointment cancelled for this month, but I really don't want to see her next month, in fear that she'll hug me and talk about how much she's 'missed' me (she does this quite a lot). I guess it's 'sweet' and what-not, but it's a bit too much for a person who likes their space.

Any advice, or input from you guys would be great~ Thank you so much in advance

[Freewilled]

I'm sorry....it sounds a bit closer to a friendship than a therapeutic relationship. At least to me. Has it always been this way or has her behavior changed recently?

[HazelGirl]

Eek! You're paying for this? There are major boundary problems going on, and I think it's time to find a T who is willing to be a true therapist to you, not a friend.

Much too informal and unboundaried . . . You probably need to find a T who will be exactly that and not try to be a friend. It just doesn't work well.

[Petra5ed]

It sounds weird. My T has hidden his Facebook, definitely wouldn't friend me on there I don't think, definitely wouldn't like/comment on my posts if he did (what if someone asks me who he is and I don't want them to know I have a therapist?). I don't think I've ever heard "I missed you." We hug, but I've never heard him say he needed one, and get the impression the hugs are for me, since I'm the sad one in therapy.

The main problem with your T that I see is she seems needier than you, but the relationship should be the reverse of that. I'd be worried if my T seemed desperate like that. Go with your gut on whether to get a new one. If you can gather the courage, and if you care to do so, you might want to bring it up with her first at the minimum so she could maybe learn and improve for the next person. But, go with your gut on that too. Always trust your gut.

My t is really good with boundaries and I'm thankful now. wasn't always that way, I used to want more, but as time has gone by the value of our therapeutic relationship is huge to me and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was telling her one time about how cool it is have gotten back in touch with old friends from camp and high school and stuff on facebook, and she said she doesn't have a facebook because of her profession, she said she is vigilant in keeping herself off the internet. Which of course I learned a long time ago when I did the inevitable googling of said therapist like we all seem to do at one time or another. Boundaries are good in therapy, in my experience. I agree with Petra trust your gut on this stuff.

[pianolover]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I'm sorry....it sounds a bit closer to a friendship than a therapeutic relationship. At least to me. Has it always been this way or has her behavior changed recently?

It's been like this since the 2nd month of therapy O_O The hugs have always bothered me, but the facebook thing started a month or two ago.

[pianolover]

Thank you so much for all the responses! I really appreciate it~
She does the hugging thing with my younger brother as well, so clearly, she doesn't treat just me like this. I think I'll try to talk to her about this at our next appointment, or at the very least, tell her that I really don't like hugs when she tries to hug me. I'm not sure how to bring up the facebook thing, though >~<;;; Or at least, how to word it so I don't sound offensive D:

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by pianolover

Thank you so much for all the responses! I really appreciate it~
She does the hugging thing with my younger brother as well, so clearly, she doesn't treat just me like this. I think I'll try to talk to her about this at our next appointment, or at the very least, tell her that I really don't like hugs when she tries to hug me. I'm not sure how to bring up the facebook thing, though >~<;;; Or at least, how to word it so I don't sound offensive D:

How about letting her know that you've found the Facebook thing isn't working so well for you, so you've decided to de-friend her?

[pianolover]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

How about letting her know that you've found the Facebook thing isn't working so well for you, so you've decided to de-friend her?

Ah;;; I would feel bad, though D: I'm thinking about maybe changing the privacy settings of my posts so she can't see them, but maybe I'll just tell her that I don't want her to comment on my stuff anymore, with the reasoning that I don't want people saying "Who's that?", when I don't want them knowing I have a therapist.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by pianolover

Ah;;; I would feel bad, though D: I'm thinking about maybe changing the privacy settings of my posts so she can't see them, but maybe I'll just tell her that I don't want her to comment on my stuff anymore, with the reasoning that I don't want people saying "Who's that?", when I don't want them knowing I have a therapist.

That could work. I just find her boundaries worrisome, as it is. I would be very wary of her and what she is doing.