[GenCat]

Or can you ever be ready for therapy? I feel like my therapy is a lie to my T. Can you do therapy wrong?

"I feel like my therapy is a lie to my T."

What does that mean? I'm not sure I understand.

[HazelGirl]

I don't think we are ever fully ready for therapy. And as far as I am aware, the only way to do therapy wrong is to show up and expect the therapist to do all the work while you change nothing in your life.

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

"I feel like my therapy is a lie to my T."

What does that mean? I'm not sure I understand.

She thinks I've made this great progress, but I think I've got twice as many problems as I did and T doesn't see it. I feel like my T sees a lie, how I act like I'm fine when I'm not but can't tell her.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by GenCat

She thinks I've made this great progress, but I think I've got twice as many problems as I did and T doesn't see it. I feel like my T sees a lie, how I act like I'm fine when I'm not but can't tell her.

Have you told her this?

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Have you told her this?

I've told her I don't see what she sees. And everyone tells me how strong and independent and brave I am. I don't see it, infact I know they see the fake me, and I see the real me. Broken and in pieces over the simplest things.

One thing I've learned about myself is that I am actually rather strong and independent AND very broken at the same time. It is possible for both to exist at the same time. When we are feeling so broken on the inside, it is hard to see our own strength and resilience, even when it is clearly there.

I wonder if you tend to put on a front for your therapist due to the informal boundaries and relationship you have with her though. I wonder if you worry that she will only like you if you act a certain way. If that is the case, you two need to have a very honest talk about honesty and transparency and professional boundaries that will help you approach her as the professional she should be to you instead of the friend you want her to be. Something to consider.

I have recently come to understand in my case anyway, that the first 2.5 years of my therapy was laying the groundwork for the phase I'm entering now... Shadow work....

[Wren_]

What you are describing seems more like a difference in the way you and your T are seeing yourself rather than about readiness or not in relation to therapy. I've been really frustrated in the past when I had a T telling me how well I was doing and how much progress I'd made etc. because it didn't match at all what my experience was. It felt dismissive when he intended it as encouragement; and also left me feeling helpless because he didn't understand the severity of the way I was viewing my life. I hope you can keep sharing with your therapist about the differences in your views; and also ... I like what Chris mentioned about being able to be:

rather strong and independent AND very broken at the same time

maybe your T is focussing more on the strong independent side; and you are focusing on the very broken instead of you both seeing the fuller picture?

[Victoria'smom]

Can these issues be less severe then your original.

[GenCat]

I feel like I am too much for my T to handle. To complex and to insane. That T doesn't know what to do with me.

[Parley]

Originally Posted by GenCat

I feel like I am too much for my T to handle. To complex and to insane. That T doesn't know what to do with me.

From the thread about giving her a gift, i'd say your T doesn't know how to handle herself and owes you a refund for the session she dumped her issues on you.

If you were too complex and insane, do you think she would share her business with you. I don't think so. She is being unethical and abusing your attachment and concern for her.

She should be ashamed, not you. That's just my opinion.

Is there a possibility that you are running from the hard stuff?

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

Is there a possibility that you are running from the hard stuff?

so your saying I should stay with T and work through things? Not run away from her?

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by Parley

From the thread about giving her a gift, i'd say your T doesn't know how to handle herself and owes you a refund for the session she dumped her issues on you.

If you were too complex and insane, do you think she would share her business with you. I don't think so. She is being unethical and abusing your attachment and concern for her.

She should be ashamed, not you. That's just my opinion.

are you speaking from experience?

[Parley]

Originally Posted by GenCat

are you speaking from experience?

Experience in what?

Knowing the destruction that someone can cause by not maintaining boundaries? Absolutely and I’m still dealing with that destruction.

The destruction of someone abusing my connection and concern for them? Yes, and that was tied to the first violation but by other people. I also justified, made excuses, and understood, while denying the pain it caused me.

Have I ever had a therapist dump her personal issues about divorce and an abusive spouse or anything else? No, that would be a violation of ethics and if we were lucky, I’d walk!

Because of other peoples boundary violations, I fear myself and I will admit that mine might be an odd case but I didn't recognize the psychological damage of the beginning when I had nothing to fear.

I know you don't know me but I have seen others question your therapist behavior. It seems glossed over but you Latch on to the ones that give you hope. I don't want to patronize you by this comment but it's so obvious that sometimes I just want to hug you and I don't hug.

I wish you luck GenCat~ don't forget to take care of yourself. Buy yourself a gift.

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by Parley

Experience in what?

Knowing the destruction that someone can cause by not maintaining boundaries? Absolutely and I’m still dealing with that destruction.

The destruction of someone abusing my connection and concern for them? Yes, and that was tied to the first violation but by other people. I also justified, made excuses, and understood, while denying the pain it caused me.

Have I ever had a therapist dump her personal issues about divorce and an abusive spouse or anything else? No, that would be a violation of ethics and if we were lucky, I’d walk!

Because of other peoples boundary violations, I fear myself and I will admit that mine might be an odd case but I didn't recognize the psychological damage of the beginning when I had nothing to fear.

I know you don't know me but I have seen others question your therapist behavior. It seems glossed over but you Latch on to the ones that give you hope. I don't want to patronize you by this comment but it's so obvious that sometimes I just want to hug you and I don't hug.

I wish you luck GenCat~ don't forget to take care of yourself. Buy yourself a gift.

Thank you for your honesty.
Are you saying I am choosing the safe side and familiar, by staying with T? What makes you think I've not been trying to find another T? I actually have been for about two months now.
Do you think my attachment to T and her violations make me not want to leave?
I honestly don't know and am looking for answers.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Originally Posted by GenCat

Or can you ever be ready for therapy? I feel like my therapy is a lie to my T. Can you do therapy wrong?

What would happen if you told your T that you felt like it's all smoke and mirrors. First on your own part and therefore whatever any T responds back would also be a lie?
Tell your T that you feel as though you're not being honest (and perhaps don't know how to be) and therefore can't have any deep respect for positive assessments about your "progress"?
Personally, I'd see no shame that... in fact, profound respect.
See, I've realized in my own walk that I've lied quite a bit to myself... er, opted not to see what was plain to everyone else. But in that, I see that I lied to everyone else.
Now I don't mean to project what I'm dealing with on to you... but it does sound similar at first blush.
And I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself and don't know how to proceed... sorta'. I do believe that honesty is always the best policy.

Speak your mind and be yourself... change at your own pace.

[Parley]

Originally Posted by GenCat

Thank you for your honesty.
Are you saying I am choosing the safe side and familiar, by staying with T? What makes you think I've not been trying to find another T? I actually have been for about two months now.
Do you think my attachment to T and her violations make me not want to leave?
I honestly don't know and am looking for answers.

I am not saying you are choosing the safe side and familiar by staying with your T. I had no thought of you seeking another T because you seem so attached to this one and that would make anyone want to stay, I assumed you did as well. I was wrong and I apologize.

I don't know what makes you want to leave but my guess it would be your attachment rather than her violations. I think it scares you ,as it will scare me. It isn't easy to invite someone in to our skeletons closet.

I just believe before I turn on that light and expose myself, that person should be making decisions based on my needs, not hers. That's what I pay for her, that's her job.

If my therapist fails me, I hope I don't abuse myself.

Originally Posted by GenCat

so your saying I should stay with T and work through things? Not run away from her?

GenCat, I feel for you as you go through this dilemma, do I stay or do I quit? I wish I could answer that for you. Alas, I can't. I don't know you. You have to search within for the answer. Once you decide, the mind flips, then flips again, and you still don't have an answer. So, "I'm angry at my Therapist — no she's good, I'm the bad person, I'm angry at myself — a viscous cycle ensues. If you stay, therapy is going to be as uncomfortable as possible, if you are dealing with attachment issues. If you leave you might stay away from therapy, and life becomes a "Stop the world I want to get off!" declaration. Only you, GenCat, can figure out if you should stay or quit therapy, or find someone else. Maybe star with the question, "What do I want out of this life?" Then ask if therapy is the route to take, and if yes, is this the therapist that can best help me at the moment? And, if no to the first question you have a, "then what?"

Just make sure you are not repeating a pattern of running away!

I'm cheering you on from the sidelines as you make the decision that is right for you, GenCat. Good luck!