[HazelGirl]

I have almost no reason to believe this is actually going on, but...

My T has several children, and they're about my age. One is slightly older (only know that because she just got married) and one is slightly younger (just graduated high school), and I think there might be a third in between those two.

And I wonder sometimes if my T sees me in a similar way as her children. Not the exact same of course, but sort of motherly. Like she cares about me in a similar way that she cares about her kids.

I know, I know...transference...talk about it...blah, blah, blah...

But I don't find it bothers me. I'm not obsessed about it or anything (maybe because I do talk about it occasionally?), and I rather enjoy it.

But is it weird to wonder and hope that she sees me like that? Because I think it might be.

The only thing that has ever made me wonder if she actually does was something she said a few weeks ago. I was talking about how some people see me as a good kid, and make comments like they wish their children were like me and stuff like that. And I talked about how it bothered me because I'm not perfect or even all that great. But those people only see the good side of me. They don't see the struggles. And while trying to convince me it's supposed to be a compliment even if I don't like it, she said she tries to avoid saying that type of thing to me. And it made me wonder if she does actually care about me like one of her kids.

I know it's stupid to think that might actually be possible, but I find that it's sort of comforting that she might think that positively of me.

[glok]

Hello, HazelGirl. For me,I the question is whether you benefit from her guidance during therapy? Is your speculation an impediment to achieving a good result?

[CantExplain]

Not weird at all.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, HazelGirl. For me,I the question is whether you benefit from her guidance during therapy? Is your speculation an impediment to achieving a good result?

Absolutely not. In fact, I think it helps me, whether it's a fantasy or not. It makes me think that I matter to her more than I can accept, and maybe in a different way than would be "normal" in the T-client relationship. It doesn't bother me nor does it make it difficult to talk about hard things.

[HazelGirl]

I mean...sometimes I just want to go curl up next to her, lay my head on her lap, and let her stroke my hair. It's so childish and silly, but even just imagining it is so comforting to me.

[unaluna]

I go back and forth between considering myself my t's kids' sibling, and their (next) stepmother He often refers to "his kids", by which he means the school he consults for as well as his patients, and i think some neighbor kids. And maybe other relatives? It sounded like "Jerry's kids" ie Jerry Lewis. I think he has a big heart.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Not weird at all.

Thanks. I am wondering about saying something to her about it, because I think she would want to know. But it does make me feel a little awkward. I don't think she would change anything, and she might already know. But it's still not something I can easily say. I don't express my affection and fondness of people very easily at all, out of fear that they don't feel the same way.

Originally Posted by hankster

I go back and forth between considering myself my t's kids' sibling, and their (next) stepmother He often refers to "his kids", by which he means the school he consults for as well as his patients, and i think some neighbor kids. And maybe other relatives? It sounded like "Jerry's kids" ie Jerry Lewis. I think he has a big heart.

I think my T is the same way. She doesn't say that, but she says and totally shows she has a really big heart, big enough to love and care for all kinds of people. And maybe that's part of why it's believable. Because I believe she has a big enough heart with enough love to make it possible if she wanted to.

[Leah123]

Not weird at all. My T isn't a mother, but she's very close to her neices and nephews. On my birthday, she said to me "I'm going to sing you happy birthday like I sing to my neices and nephews." I felt so special and touched.

We are in quite a close relationship: not the same as family, but therapeutic family, where she's in the 'good enough' mother role, and I do have similar feelings to yours sometimes about it. It's lovely to be cared about in a maternal way. I know the difference between an actual birth mother and my therapist, and I appreciate it for what it is.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Not weird at all. My T isn't a mother, but she's very close to her neices and nephews. On my birthday, she said to me "I'm going to sing you happy birthday like I sing to my neices and nephews." I felt so special and touched.

We are in quite a close relationship: not the same as family, but therapeutic family, where she's in the 'good enough' mother role, and I do have similar feelings to yours sometimes about it. It's lovely to be cared about in a maternal way. I know the difference between an actual birth mother and my therapist, and I appreciate it for what it is.

Yeah, my T is always encouraging me to reach out to others and to create a sort of "family" of people who aren't from my messed up, broken home. She believes that it can be very healing to have those types of close relationships with those who are healthy.

[InRealLife45]

not weird, in my opinion. I think of course some clients remind t's of people they know...friends or family, and the affection is real, its just...constrained by therapeutic boundary

[stopdog]

From things I have read by them, it is not unusual.
I would not want and luckily it does not happen with me, but I imagine it is not an uncommon occurrence in clients.

[Bells129]

No it's not weird to want that. I actually think some T's might feel a bit maternal towards patients who are of a similar age to their own kids, a few of my old T's who had kids the same age as me treated me like I was a niece or something... my current T has no kids and I don't get the maternal vibes from her at all towards me, it's a different kind of affection, but it's something I've noticed.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

not weird, in my opinion. I think of course some clients remind t's of people they know...friends or family, and the affection is real, its just...constrained by therapeutic boundary

Thanks for this. You're right. It might very well be there, but funneled through the appropriate channels in therapy. Hmm.

Originally Posted by stopdog

From things I have read by them, it is not unusual.
I would not want and luckily it does not happen with me, but I imagine it is not an uncommon occurrence in clients.

Well, your one T is so harsh and awful, I wouldn't want it to happen with her, either!

Originally Posted by Bells129

No it's not weird to want that. I actually think some T's might feel a bit maternal towards patients who are of a similar age to their own kids, a few of my old T's who had kids the same age as me treated me like I was a niece or something... my current T has no kids and I don't get the maternal vibes from her at all towards me, it's a different kind of affection, but it's something I've noticed.

Interesting. I definitely get "maternal vibes" from her. I find it comforting.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Well, your one T is so harsh and awful, I wouldn't want it to happen with her, either!

I don't see the woman in those terms.
But I meant with any of the 3 I have seen. The other one, in the middle, was so nuts and I only saw her for a few months, that I don't think it fair to add her into the mix.
I am happy it does not come up for me at all - but happy it does for those of you who find it useful.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't see the woman in those terms.
But I meant with any of the 3 I have seen. The other one, in the middle, was so nuts and I only saw her for a few months, that I don't think it fair to add her into the mix.
I am happy it does not come up for me at all - but happy it does for those of you who find it useful.

I do find it useful because I have trouble trusting and being able to talk about what I need to. If I believe she cares, I can more easily believe she will accept what I have to say.