After my last sessions, with the strong emotions and dissociation, I find it hard to just 'walk in' to the next session.
.I feel like T has seen me naked or engaged in sex.
It feels that embarrassing to me.

But why?

Any thoughts?

[Perna]

Maybe it is like when T or we are away for a week or two and then meet again and it takes a bit to figure out if they have changed or we have or if it will be okay, etc.

[InRealLife45]

sounds like whatever happened last time left you feeling incredibly vulnerable. but that happens in therapy. just put one foot in front of the other and go back. im sure your t understands how hard it was for you

[Wysteria]

Dear Mouse,

I struggle with these feelings often as I get very vulnerable in session and then dissociate and feel overwhelmed. Then for me it seems to take days before I begin to "cover up" some of the nakedness and rawness of the event. Then to have to turn around and go back in to face him can be really scary for me and uncomfortable. I am very shame-oriented but my T does not shame. In fact, over time, dissociating in front of him is the only place that I feel safe when it happens. I know he will not hurt me while I'm "away".

Often times, I have to reach out by email or something to "touch" T and say, I am feeling vulnerable and anxious. Sometimes still, walking down the hall to his office is a shaky venture. But once back with T, it seems to melt away after just a few minutes. I know he cares and is safe and so is his office. Keep it that way in your mind. T's office is almost "sacred" in that it is a place for authenticity which means vulnerability but also safety. There is nothing they haven't heard or heard of or maybe dealt with themselves.

If you need to reach out and it is okay with T, then do so...sometimes that in between contact will ease the feelings you have. If not, know that it was a very intense healing moment for you and you should actually be proud of yourself for being so brave and opening your heart up.

Take good care of yourself and wrap yourself in the knowledge that your T is safe and you are working hard towards healing.

Wysteria

Thanks for all your thoughts on this.

I've had this feeling often, but never paid it any attention. This is the first time I felt ready to admit to it.

I told T how I felt this morning, she said is this because of Monday?

She said, on Monday there were 2of you here, you and baby you.
You don't want me to see you the baby.

We talked a lot about it today. It was hard, vunrabilty is definitely what lies at the routehere .

Wysteria, your reply was great, spot on for how it feels.
Thanks.