[IDstar]

So I had a therapist who I thought I was getting along well with. I was never late or had to reschedule my appointments. Then one day, there was a large party that I was invited to that was a once in a lifetime thing. I called my t and explained to her that going to the party would be a giant step towards my future goal of being a pilot, and I thought she would be understanding. Before she had told me that if something big like that came up, she would be happy to reschedule. That was not the case. She told me, "I don't think you'll be able to go to that party because there will be so many people and you will just get nervous and leave." I told her I wanted to try anyway and she said, "Well, if you don't come, you'll never get better and your OCD and social anxiety will rule the rest of your life, and you'll never go to college or be an engineer or a pilot." I got angry and hung up on her, which was rude of me, but I felt justified at the time. It wasn't like I was never going to go back, it was just the one time, and she said before that she would be understanding and reschedule when I talked about the possibility of going before. I feel like she can't be the one to tell me what I can and cannot do like that. I am just wondering, was that rude of her, or is it just me?

[Fuzzybear]

I don't think it's you! What the T said sounds strange to me..

[JustShakey]

No, she is definitely not supposed to be telling you what you can and cannot do with your life. I'd rip her a new one the next time you see her. Being brave enough to get out there and go to social events is exactly what you should be doing to help you with your social anxiety.

[HazelGirl]

What the...??? That is totally wrong of her. Any good T would be jumping for joy at your enthusiasm for that party!

[IDstar]

JustShakey- I'm not going back. If I did, I would only get angry and make things worse. I've decided to find a different T. The party was fun by the way and I met a lot of other pilots!

[someone321]

I'm also very surprised by her statements, she was not only not understanding but she also almost threatened you that if you don't come to this one session, you will never be fine... That's weird... Do you plan to discuss it with her next time? Do you "work" with her for a long time already?

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Uh yeah, that was definitely rude of her. And not her place to tell you things like that. Don't believe people when they tell you "you'll NEVER" be able to do this or that. It's destructive and the exact opposite of what a therapist should be doing.
It's not just you!!

[someone321]

Originally Posted by IDstar

JustShakey- I'm not going back. If I did, I would only get angry and make things worse. I've decided to find a different T. The party was fun by the way and I met a lot of other pilots!

I'm glad that you are looking for another T and even happier that the party was fun

[JustShakey]

Good for you for getting another T.
Your old T deserves every bit of your anger though, you have every right to be furious at her.
I'm so glad you had fun at the party. Here's to many more like it

[Xenon]

If that's really what she said verbatim (not, say, a possible misinterpretation) then that is just bizarre and ridiculous.

I am really disturbed by all the bad therapy stories out there...

[growlycat]

It's strange for a T to discourage social engagement---and your T was very negative about your abilities to handle it!!! I would need more of a supportive and encouraging T if it were me.

[sailorboy]

She ducks. You deserve better.

Wow. My T would have done flips and cartwheels if I told him I was doing something social for myself. He would have insisted I miss my appointment for that kind of thing actually. I find it disturbing that your T would be so discouraging and catastrophic. Glad you are moving on.

[Solepa]

I am glad you are looking for different T. This is exactly opposite of what T should do be supportive, encouraging etc.
This is behaviour that I would never tolerate my T guilt tripping me... never!
I also think client should be able to cancel session without having to explain why. My Ts rules are that as long as I cancel 24h before hand I am fine. If I cancel after that I pay for the session. Clear that is and fine with me

[Ford Puma]

I am beginning to think some T's act like tweets in order to provoke a argument or something!

[blur]

wow. her comments were so invalidating and discouraging. that is nuts. so glad you went to the party and met people. sounds like you did awesome, and i'm glad you're looking for a new T.

[missbella]

Unless she is omniscient and clairvoyant, she was practicing beyond the bounds of her expertise.

[Perna]

It sounds odd/rude to me. Are you a minor or living at home? That is the only thing that I could think of that might change the situation for me somewhat. I do not see how a party can help you become a pilot (any more than I can see how going to the party would mean you would necessarily get stuck in such a way that you could never get rid of your OCD).

What is important, I think, is what this does/makes you feel about your relationship with this therapist and if you can change therapists if you decide you do not want to work with this one anymore. The next time I cancel a session though, I would just cancel it and tell the T the next session all about the party/what you were doing instead of attending that session.

Neither you nor a therapist can predict what is going to happen, it could be your therapist was just pointing out what they thought could happen. I did not hear what they said so cannot comment on just how extreme the conversation may have actually been or what the therapist may have been trying to say/express, etc. But you were there and if you did not like it, thought it inappropriate/rude/not something you want to discuss/deal with then I would go with that and find a therapist you felt better about.

[NowhereUSA]

my t would have been like 'go! go! for the love of god go!' because he is constantly trying to get me to have good, positive experiences.

idk. your t sounded odd and rude (and maybe a bit controlling) to me. i mean, isn't this the goal of therapy? to get you doing things like this?

btw did you have a good time or has it not happened yet?

[Polibeth]

My t would have tap danced if I said I was cancelling to go to a party! Your t sounds backwards {to me}.

[IDstar]

Originally Posted by Perna

I do not see how a party can help you become a pilot (any more than I can see how going to the party would mean you would necessarily get stuck in such a way that you could never get rid of your OCD).

The party was for instructors and potential students. It was sort of a dinner thing at the airport. It allowed me to meet instructors and decide which would be best to work with because I was having a hard time finding one, but thanks to the party, I have.
Thank you all for your responses. I have decided to find another t because I cannot see myself going back to that one.