Why do you believe what the therapist says?

Now I have the talking heads stuck in my head


(now back to that happy music thread!
http://forums.psychcentral.com/books...ml#post3865718
Feel free to join!)

Banjo music - can't be sad when a banjo plays.

That is true. If anybody dares to hold a wake or memorial service for me, there better be banjo music playing.

Oh, great, from Julie Andrews to Deliverance; dueling banjos, can't do that alone!

I do understand the dueling part as a metaphor around therapy. I don't believe therapists, but dueling with them has its benefits.

And I have all sorts of transference for Julie Andrews. I have ever since Mary Poppins. I thought she was way hotter than Bo Derek in 10.

Why should I believe anything I say to myself? I'm just some stupid kid who is technically an adult but can't seem to figure out how to be an adult or do the most rudimentary things to take care of myself. I'm not qualified to talk about anything except for maybe classical music but even in that niche, I discover more that I don't know every day.

I don't believe everything that LCM says. Sometimes she says some pretty crazy crap and she buys into Freud a little more than makes me comfortable. But she also says good things. It's really like my music lessons. Teacher tells me what he knows. I try everything and throw out what doesn't work. Ultimately, her advice and interpretations of my life are really just suggestions. Suggestions that she does have some authority to give. She has spent a lot more time than me learning about this stuff and has put the things into action and seen it help other people. That might not mean it will work for me, but it does mean that she knows more than me.

As for encouragement, I love seeing her happy. I love doing something to make her happy. She encourages me, I continue because I made her happy. And that is good.

Oh wow I didn't read the end of this. I got caught up because I love Julie Andrews. I got "the safety dance" stuck in my head from the conversation. And you mentioned crumhorn which made me think of my friends who play sackbut every now and again and I laughed because I'm not mature enough to handle a name like "sackbut"

I don't think that is about believing what your T says. I think that a good therapist is a lot like a good editor. I trust a good editor to look over my piece closely and do their best to understand what I have written. I also trust them to make good suggestions about how to improve my work. But I often don't implement all or most of the suggestions that they make. Instead I use the suggestions as information about what my work means to an outside observer, and use that information to make the right changes.

Therapy for me is very similar. I really don't want direct suggestions from my therapists, but often find that the information they give me changes my internal thought process. For example, my T recently asked me if I know that I'm worthwhile. And I said that I didn't. And she said that I am. But this didn't really do anything to change the way that I felt about that. But it did point somethings out to me. First of all, I have a hard time admitting that I don't have healthy emotions. I always tend to know what the right ones are, and try to feel them, but I don't thing that I feel them for real. So that helped me realize that I must not think that I'm worthwhile, and it got me thinking about what would have to happen to make me think that I'm worth while. And it caused me to think about what was stopping me from thinking that I'm worthwhile.

I haven't really changed my mind about this issue yet, but it has caused me to think more about it from time to time. Which I know for me means that my idea about the issue is in the process of changing. You don't need someone to tell you what to believe, but you do need some one to reflect back to you what is that you are putting out, so that you can have the opportunity to think about it for yourself. Without my therapist I never would have started thinking about this issue. Just like with a good editor, I never would consider the issues without them speaking up. I need the outside voice so that I can change my internal process. Otherwise I just go about with my blinders on.

But the thing about this is that you have to be willing to let the T close enough to understand, just like you have to be willing to let someone read your writing. If you never give her the chance to understand then she can't give your process back to you enough to help you change it. I worry that this might be an issue for you stopdog. The way that you post on here make me think that closeness is hard for you. And that it might be hard for you to let someone else see you as you are. If this is the case I would hope that is a topic in therapy.

I would also add that just like with an editor, you need someone who is more able to intuitively able to understand the way that you work, but still able to raise some serious objects. If you don't have this kind of balance in therapy it is bound to fail. Perhaps you might also consider if your therapist is likely to be able to understand you.