[precaryous]

I fear i am too much for my T. My problems are too big, my needs are too many.

Early on I *told* her that if she invited me to leave phone messages that I feared I would leave too many... Yet, she said, "We ( the office ) will handle it." "Call me if you need me." "I want you to talk to me every time you want to."

But today she mentioned the many messages made during the week... and she sighed. I hadn't asked her to call me back, either...it's just a way for me to get my anxiety outside of myself and put it away. I want her to know the questions that come up and how I am feeling.

Ok, well, I'll stop calling. Not in a pouty way, either. I think she will be great for me and I don't want to lose her.

I guess I can make notes of thoughts and bring them in each week. But that keeps me holding on to the anxiety/depression all week. Issues and memories get stirred up when I see T and it makes me anxious and depressed. Real life issues happen and it makes me anxious and depressed. Talk about specific abuse issues during therapy and tell me if you don't hold on to remnants of it the rest of the week? It's like having a nightmare and still being scared for a while after you wake up. And, sometimes, new bad memories tumble out.

We are still getting to know each other.
But I still fear I am too much for her.
Sometimes I feel like a bad patient.

[stopdog]

I am pretty boring and garden variety so I cannot imagine I am even a big blip on the woman's radar.

Did the therapist say anything about the calling or did she just sigh? If it were me, I would ask her what the sigh meant.

[kororain]

I understand. I almost offed myself a few times from the stress and anxiety between sessions. But I only called once. It was to tell her I wasn't coming back because I couldn't handle the stress in between.

Did she offer to help you find some coping techniques for in between? Do you have a safe place to go when it gets to be too much?

[HazelGirl]

Did you ask what she meant?

Could you have been interpreting a sigh when it was just a breath?

Don't jump to conclusions. Ask about it.

[healed84]

I would be sure you for sure knew that she really meant you are calling too much.. If she hasn't overtly said it, don't assume it.

I think most of us and one time or another has felt like they are too much for our Ts to handle.. It is important, though, to really ask you T and not just go off of a feeling or something. I have overtly asked T if who I am with my particular issues, and needs (I email, text on occasion outside of sessions) is too much for him, or if my emailing and or texting too much. He reassured me, I am not too much of case to handle and if the emails and texting get too much he would let me know.

Looking back I'm pretty certain I was for my first T.

It wasn't until seeing this forum that I realized it's not usual to have regular contact with the T's supervisor.

I also realize that she may have been a touch young and inexperienced to deal with a low functioning BPD.

She said I made her cry once.

[ThisWayOut]

I tend to feel that way a lot. And I can relate to wanting to expresses my worries outside myself. With my last t, I was able to write to her on a private blog between sessions. I could write as much off as little as I needed to, and she would read as she had time. We only ever discussed it in session, and I was expected to call her if there was anything pressing that I needed to address between sessions. It worked out well because I have trouble reaching out even if invited to do so. I tend to feel like a bother.

I think other have brought up a good point:ask outright if the messages are too much. Her sigh may have been just a breath, or an acknowledgement of how tough things seem to be for you this week. Sometimes reality checks are a good idea. I try to do that with peOple in general (not just my t) because I know I often interpret things incorrectly. (Hugs)

Yes, I sometimes feel (and even know) I'm too much to handle ... It's all part of therapy though, and your therapist will help you figure out how to put the brakes on a bit so that you aren't overwhelming yourself or him/her between sessions ...

[SoupDragon]

Yes - my T told me that I was the only client he had, where he had to make different contractual arrangements - never knew whether that made me special or a pain in the axxx

[AllyIsHopeful]

It's not too late to ask what the sigh meant. It might be a good thing to bring up next session, because if it helps you to call and leave her messages, she should know that. Maybe she will set limits or something but doesn't mind you calling. After all, she's the one that said she wants you to call when you need her.

I'm sorry you feel you are too much for your T. I'm sure that is not the case at all and I hope you will ease up on yourself a bit. You are there to work on a bunch of stuff and their job is to help you with that--no matter how many or how few issues.

If it were me, I would bring this up in session. Not just the sigh, but "feeling like I'm too much" for my Therapist.

"We are still getting to know each other.
But I still fear I am too much for her.
Sometimes I feel like a bad patient."

^^^This seems pretty important to discuss with your T. The best way to rid of the fear is to dive in. It just seems it would be healing to have your T help you reach a conclusion as to where the fear is coming from, what makes you feel like a bad patient, and where you got the idea you are too much for her. Sounds like a really good place to start to prevent future assumption because we feel bad when we assume and mind read.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am pretty boring and garden variety so I cannot imagine I am even a big blip on the woman's radar.

Did the therapist say anything about the calling or did she just sigh? If it were me, I would ask her what the sigh meant.

It was a slightly exasperated sigh. I remember that I commented, "I told you!(I tend to leave a lot of messages.)"

You're right, I need to ask for clarification. She didn't tell me to stop. I will ask her next week.
There were a lot of messages, I think, because she was on vacation..so she had a weeks worth to listen to. Also, last week, I went to the cardiologist and I was having anxiety about the answers he gave me. So I left her voice mail about that.
But I'll ask.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by kororain

I understand. I almost offed myself a few times from the stress and anxiety between sessions. But I only called once. It was to tell her I wasn't coming back because I couldn't handle the stress in between.

Did she offer to help you find some coping techniques for in between? Do you have a safe place to go when it gets to be too much?

She asked about when I feel the most anxious...
She further described how she wants me to "hold" the "inner child" when I am hurting.
I shared the CD, "Songs For The Inner Child" with her. She had never heard of it, so I let her borrow the CD. I played a bit of two songs to give her an example. I told her if things are rough I play the songs as I try to sleep.

She did say that when we plan on doing trauma work we can schedule a longer appointment so we can process more. I was glad to hear that.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Did you ask what she meant?

Could you have been interpreting a sigh when it was just a breath?

Don't jump to conclusions. Ask about it.

I will ask for her to clarify if she thought my calling was too much.
Her comments, though, around the sigh was like, "I listened to all the many calls you made (sigh)." To which I said, "I told you!"

She didn't correct me and say, "That's not what I meant."
But I'm going to ask.
I don't really know what happened at this point.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I tend to feel that way a lot. And I can relate to wanting to expresses my worries outside myself. With my last t, I was able to write to her on a private blog between sessions. I could write as much off as little as I needed to, and she would read as she had time. We only ever discussed it in session, and I was expected to call her if there was anything pressing that I needed to address between sessions. It worked out well because I have trouble reaching out even if invited to do so. I tend to feel like a bother.

I think other have brought up a good point:ask outright if the messages are too much. Her sigh may have been just a breath, or an acknowledgement of how tough things seem to be for you this week. Sometimes reality checks are a good idea. I try to do that with peOple in general (not just my t) because I know I often interpret things incorrectly. (Hugs)

I like your private blog idea. That sounds great.
T doesn't email, etc. but I have done this before: I have c/p some of my comments on here...( not anything you guys said) and sent the string of comments to myself in email. I take my iPad with me to session and have read the mess to her.
That has it's good points, but it still doesn't give me the same relief of vm her..and getting the anxiety out of me. I also find I reveal more through email and voice mail than I do in person.

We will figure it out.

[sweepy62]

Yes and for the first 2 months I tested her on it. She reassures me all the time that I'm not. I do have lots of hurdles to overcome and we haven't started on them yet, due to current stressors in the home.



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[junkDNA]

ive felt like i am too much for my T a lot. but he has always been constant in his support and care. i tested my T a LOT when we started working together. we have worked together for almost 4 years now. sometimes i feel like he might be fed up with me. or mad at me. so i just ask him. and he always says no. my former T sexually abused me. and my T now is a male. so i think it was natural and wise for me to test him so much. i am actually pretty amazed that he didnt refer me to someone else. there were times when he would ask me if i thought i wanted to see a different T. because he said he didnt feel liek he was being helpful. but i trust my T a lot now and i know he cares.

[tinyrabbit]

When my T sighs like that it means he is frustrated and sad about how much pain I am in, not by me. It's really worth checking it out...

[iheartjacques]

I have a private blog to put all my thoughts in. I don't get to email or contact T outside of session, so I dump it all in my blog. That gives me somewhere to put it until I see him and talk to him again.