[BeGentle]

If there is a T reading this, please explain what the big deal is about limited self-disclosure from the therapist, used only to benefit us in a certain situation. The detriment; I don't understand. Why can't I know more. My T has no family stuff in the office, but many knick knacks that do tell a bit. I peaked into the office next to his and she has family photos all around. I do know a lot more about his life than he is aware of via internet, etc. and wonder if I was to tell him, would that change the whole relationship dynamic. I think he would have a heart attack. Or, would he be pissed at me? Knowing more about him has helped me to know he is really authentic and I have grown to trust him, slowly; which I though impossible. He does share a fair amount with me, but is oh so guarded. What for? Would the professional line blur. Would I begin to feel too special or friend-like. Would I become jealous (I already am and have told him) He has stretched the boundaries often with me and I feel we have a unique bond. He has told me he has to "handle" me in a certan way and has adjusted his normal approach and it has really worked well for us. Maybe I need a clinical explanation, cuz I just don' get it! I do get the fact the therapy is all about the client. But, in reality is all about the connection and quality of the alliance. So two people are really involved.

[TheWell]

The definition of “blank slate” refers to a technique that was once used heavily in psychoanalysis and is still employed by some therapists today. When using this technique, the therapist is careful to avoid revealing any personal information about himself. Instead, the therapist becomes a “blank slate” onto which the client can project his or her own needs, desires and beliefs.

By being a blank slate your therapist leaves you to transfer onto them your needs. It's part of the psychodynamic format.

[CameraObscura]

Two people are involved, yes, but only one of those people is the focus of the relationship. In friendship, both people know a lot about the other, what they like, don't like, what their fears and vulnerabilities are. Part of friendship is taking into consideration the needs and feelings of the other person, based on what you know about them. Is your friend terrified of spiders? Don't talk about the wolf spider with all of the babies you found on the back porch that morning, etc.

In therapy, I don't know much about my therapist, so I don't have to take his fears and wants or opinions into consideration. It leaves me free to talk about my pet snakes even he's terrified of them, to talk about the way my mom screamed at me if his mom did the same and it is hard for him to hear. If I know those (totally hypothetical) things about him, I'd feel like I should hold back talking about them to protect him. At that point, it is not a therapeutic relationship anymore.

Does that make sense?

[CameraObscura]

I'm sure there are lots of other reasons, too.

-Therapists work with people with obsessive or abusive tendencies, and those are not always visible at the beginning. They're protecting themselves and their families.

-The therapist talking about themselves a lot on session is unfair since the client is paying (and usually paying a lot) for the time.

-The development of transference like The Well says.

Many therapists adjust the amount of disclosure on a case-by-case basis.

[HazelGirl]

Your T doesn't want therapy to be about them. It's about you and your life. If they talk about themselves too much, you start to become worried about them, their responses, etc... in ways you should not be, and that will get in the way of therapy.

[BeGentle]

I kind of feel like the blank slate approach is outdated. Just my opinion. But I did do some reading on the subject from professionals and have a better grasp. It really has to be determined by the type of client and some other important factors. Case by case seems to be the clincher because it can backfire. It has for me, but I've always learned so much from the negative things that I have experienced in thereapy. Thanks for your replies

[msxyz]

There isn't one right way for therapy to be conducted. Some therapists are fine with more self-disclosure, but some clients aren't and vice versa.

[stopdog]

I mostly think of the payment as keeping the therapist back. I would not like a therapist who thought it was a two way exchange of personal information. Payment keeps me safe from the therapist. I buy her distance and she has no stake in me.