Have I Been Doing Therapy Wrong?

Hey, all:

I blush to admit I've been through many talk therapists, and grossly failed to make significant progress with them. So now I have to wonder if I've been doing it wrong.

See, I've made it a point to be inordinately "well behaved" and "polite" during sessions -- both for the therapist's benefit (why should he/she have to bear the brunt of severe emotional upset over my petty neuroses?) and mine (at the rates being charged, I literally can't afford to spend whole sessions crying and barely able to speak).

Just what's supposed to happen in therapy and how emotional am I permitted to get?

Thanks -- DSM-3.1415926

They are not consistent on what is supposed to happen and get as emotional as you want. They seem to be looking for that sort of thing.

Hello, DSM-3.1415926. I suggest you ask your therapist about what you just told us. The two of you should be able to resolve your concerns in short order.

Psychotherapy - Psych Central
How to Engage in Meaningful, Successful Psychotherapy - Wellsphere
5 Things Not to Worry About in Therapy | World of Psychology
6 Ways to Open Up and Talk in Therapy | World of Psychology

I wish you well.

Therapy is where we explore our neurosis and intense emotional instability.
I allow myself to be 'insane' in my 50mins

I treat my T's with respect, probably because I respect me and have respect for others. But I've had some awful moments when I've cried so much I couldn't speak. But it was a safe place to cry and leave it there.
Except current T seems to trigger things and I've sat in the carpark a few times sobbing for a while until I've pulled myself together. I stopped working on those days because I was too much of a mess to go back to work.

Yep. You've been doing it wrong

But really, you don't need to and shouldn't be "good". Be honest, even if it's painful and brutal and you're afraid of the outcome. Good is safe, it's predictable, and you don't have to grow or change. But it also defeats the purpose of therapy. If you're not getting better, say so. If you're angry, say so. If you find that certain thing she/he does intolerable, say so. If you don't trust him/her, say so. If you are certain he/she will eventually hate you if they saw all your imperfections and ways you're not "good", say so.

You don't need to be a "good" client. You need to be an honest and real and ready to admit you're broken and need help client.