How have you worked in T to deal with Shame?

Thanks! This really stood out for me!

i find shame really difficult to deal with and have only scratched the surface of it. i have read parts of a small workbook called shame: thief of intimacy. i learned a lot from their explanations about how shame forms and did find some of the exercises helpful. (fyi: it's a christian workbook.) also, doing things like listing my positive qualities or successes tends to shift me out of my negative thinking about myself. i think a lot of it is retraining our brains so it's a discipline and i struggle with that.

relationally, i like what mouse said. i have found it is sharing with very safe people the stuff we are ashamed of and receiving their unconditional positive regard and acceptance in return. i think it isn't just the sharing but the acceptance that is also key. i have been a part of a couple of churches and a 12-step group where people can share really private things they are ashamed of and are just totally accepted. environments like that are pretty incredible as they are so not the norm.

i remember hearing that "shame is taking on the blame of another". so, it's not we who have done something wrong but someone else and they've tried to lay the blame at our feet. unfortunately, too many times we have accepted that blame which resulted in our feeling ashamed. so, for me some of it is reminding myself what is mine and what is others' stuff to own and not taking that on. focusing on the positives about myself instead of always the negatives. finding environments where i can share these things and know i'll be accepted. sometimes i just have a good cry and get the shameful feelings out. it's so hard to deal with though. i totally shy away from it.