So stressed out with T...am I being unreasonable??

So I have been trying to make an appointment with T...I see her ad hoc when I feel I need to because she lives 2 hours away, so I don't have regular appointments anymore. It costs too much money and is a logistical nightmare with sorting the kids out while I'm gone etc.

So I asked T about a month ago to roughly give me the dates she is free on my usual Wednesday morning for the summer (just incase she was going on holiday for a month or so). I thanked her and said that I understood that the dates may change at any point. So I did a couple of phone sessions recently as I was going through a crisis. I then asked T 3 days ago if she is still free next Wednesday morning. She replied for a phone session? I said no I would like to come and see her if possible but understand if it's too short notice. A day later I still had heard nothing so I emailed again and said, "it's okay if you aren't free, I can come another time". She then replied and said sorry for not coming back to me but she was waiting to hear from another client that had booked a time that morning and would let me know asap. I replied immediately and said no worries, I can come on another day or time in the next few weeks if it's easier. I expected a response to this, maybe a few different dates or something. I then heard nothing for 2 days. I was getting increasingly wound up because she knows how difficult it is for me to arrange to go and see her and I am trying to make other plans for the summer and needed to let my SIL know when I could take care of my nephew etc. So I sent T another mail saying, I don't know what's happening about next week but I am assuming that I can't come? I just need to know as I need to make other arrangements. I then saw that our mails had crossed and she had just sent one saying she is not free in the morning at all but could see me in the afternoon or any time the following Wednesday. Aaargh! Why the hell could she not have told me that 3 days ago?? Why did she not at least give me the other dates and times so that I could put something more concrete in if I wanted to until she could get back to me about Wednesday?? Why did she not just say in the first place, no I am not free that morning. All she had to do was check in her diary and say no, I have clients, I will let you know if anything changes.

This has been SO stressful for me and has left me SO annoyed. I now don't want to go and see her at all. It has totally ruined my feelings about seeing her. I wanted to see her to digest this latest crisis and make sure my head is straight for the summer hols with my kids and then take a break till September. But now I am so resentful and annoyed that it will be a complete waste of money to go and see her because it changes everything.

I am SO frustrated with this. I know that usually T goes out of her way to accommodate me and that's why this is so annoying because I feel wrong to be so angry with her. But I can't help that I feel this way and that it will change the whole tone of my session if I were to go.

I don't know how to politely tell her I do not want to come now and will get in touch if I want to come in the future. If I talk to her about how upset I've been about this, I don't want her to get defensive or annoyed with me.

What do I do?? I know I am probably overreacting and being unreasonable and please tell me if I am because I could do with hearing it and being able to feel less angry with her. I just feel it shouldn't have taken 3 days to get a yes or no! Help!

I don't believe there is such a thing as over-reacting We react. Feelings aren't right or wrong they simply are

That sounds really frustrating. It's hard to do and you probably know this already but it will help to tell her how frustrating it was for you and that your mad at her. It might have been out of her control to let you know sooner or she just didn't remember how much planning it takes on your end to make the trip but either way it would still be useful to talk about. I have the feeling if you don't go see her now and put it off it will be hard to go in the future. At least it would be for me anyway.

I do understand how frustrating that is. But it sounds like she was waiting to hear from that client, so that's why she delayed telling you. It sounds like this is something to talk to her about.

I did sound like she was waiting to hear back from another client hoping it would work out, like she really thought that spot would open up for you.

It sounds like you are setting up scenarios in your head that T is not part of that are confusing you more. I bet you apologize too often/much? Try not to be so accommodating when you are asking a question; "Are you free 8-9 a.m. on Wednesday?" does not need, "It is okay if you aren't, I'll understand, I can come on Thursday two weeks later or at 5:00 in the afternoon of the 29th. . ."

Ask a single question and wait for the answer to that one before continuing on? Another person does not have your thought processes or problems with scheduling and can only focus on one thing at a time, your initial question and how it affects themselves.

Thanks so much for this Perna. Makes so much sense and had me laughing out loud You are right, I am way too accommodating. Infact after I was getting all wound up about it, my husband asked if he could read the emails (as he knows how I misconstrue things often) and he was surprised and said that I had really made it sound like it was no big deal to me if she was free or not or when I could go. I need to learn to just ask for what I want...