[starfish]

Hello,
I'm new to this, but thought you might have some insight that would be helpful. I've never been in therapy, but am considering it. I'm not sure if I really "need" therapy and am afraid my issues aren't "bad enough." I'm terrified to make an appointment.

So, I guess my questions are: How did you break through and initially get help? What happens at the first appointment? I think I'll have a very hard time expressing why I'm there and I have this vision of sitting in silence or of running off. Does the therapist tend to ask a lot of questions, or am I expected to take the lead? Do you have to wait in a waiting room with other people?

Obviously people's experience will vary, I'm just trying to gather some information. The more I know beforehand, the less anxious I think I'll be.

Thanks!

[Talulah]

Hi Starfish!
Umm, I've been going for a year and a half with a 6 month break. Initially, what brought me? Something completely unrelated to where I'm at now, ha ha. Umm, I wanted help "coming out" to my grandmother, that was the big reason for me. Also, as a result, I had significant anxiety surrounding it which led me to belive I needed some "help" or a safe place to talk.
So, I am lucky in that I loved my t from the getgo. An instant chemistry and everything clicked. The inital meeting was set up over the phone free for 20 minutes. Simple easy stuff, whatever you want to say to introduce yourself and maybe explain what has led you to this point (symptoms, like anger, crying, anxiety etc) I liked her voice, she seemed kind and so I agreed to a first session.
Whe i met her, she was much younger than i expected and i had my reservations about her ability to help me.
We agreed we needed to see if this would work for us both, in other words, we had to connect or like one another to move forward or I should go elsewhwere. It was as much for her as me though, she said it was like we were interviewing eachother. She told me about herself, her education, what kind of things she helps ppl with etc.
I told her easy stuff like, where i work if i liked it, do i have friends, family etc. Once she sensed my ease, she asked me more personal stuff, and always said I never had to answer if i was uncomfortable or didn't want to. These were questions about my current realtionships with ppl and so on.
They might ask family history type questions and ask what brought you there. No problems are too big, or too small. They are your problems and they are cause to bring you there so they are viable. No worries on that, it should be a safe, and non-judgmental environment okay?
I think you should check it out, and always know that it's a little like dating, if you don't feel some sort of chemistry, it's ok to meet someone else, and maybe yet another until you find a good "fit".
Let us know how you fare....Good Luck!!

[starfish]

Thanks Talulah,
It's funny - the age thing is something that I've thought a lot about. I really don't think I'd be comfortable with someone my age or younger. I live in a small-ish city and work at a hospital where a lot of therapists either work or were trained at. With my luck I'd run into her at a party or something.

Anxiety is an issue for me too, and lately, cutting has become a problem again. The idea of talking about that stuff makes me feel a little sick. It's hard for me even to imagine myself saying it aloud.

Anyway - sorry to ramble. It sounds like you found someone good to work with. Maybe I'll work up the nerve soon. Thanks again!

[Talulah]

Don't get discouraged by all the fears you're feeling. Take it slow, baby steps, nobody says you have to go and gush your deepest emotions right away.

The small community can be scary, but with a good and ethical doc these issues will be addressed in a way you'll find agreement with.

I'm pleasantly surprised with my t (5 years older than me), so preconceived notions should be ignored until you can meet face to face.

I started cutting too (again). very sensitive issue even with an established relationship with my t.

Go when you're ready and know we/I am here if the road becomes scary......

hey, welcome to psychcentral :-)
i think that a lot of people vaccilate a bit on getting help / not getting help; wondering if they need help or not...
i guess the issue is: could you benefit from therapy?
that is something that will be assessed in your first session.

with respect to practicalities...
i've heard the best way to try and find someone suitable is to go with a referral. do you know someone else who is finding benefit to therapy? would they be willing to pass on the name of their clinician? how about going to your GP to ask for a referral to see someone?
if you want your health insurance to cover the cost then typically health insurance providers have a list of the clinician's who they will reimburse. you would need to contact your health insurance provider to get hold of that list.
sometimes people look in the phone book under 'psychologist' or 'councellor'. sometimes people just start making phone calls and sometimes people call the people who describe themselves as having an interest in the areas that the person wants help with.

how will the first session go?
i guess... you phone... ask for an appointment / ask how much it will cost. in the initial appointment the therapist will likely try and figure out what kinds of issues you want help with and they may also ask you some questions about yourself (how many people in your family, what you do for a living etc). you both get the chance to get to know each other a little. you should feel free to ask them about their qualifications and about what sort of therapy they provide (i.e., what they think will be involved in your treatment, and how long they envisage it taking). you should be able to negotiate / sort out such things as frequency of sessions, cost of sessions, method of payment, timing of sessions etc if you make the decision to work together. in a way it is a mutual interview. you should be able to say 'no i don't think we can work together' (as should the therapist) and you should make sure you have the opportunity to cancel sessions without payment if you cancel 72 hours prior or something similar. sometimes people find they need to interview up to around 9 people to find someone they really feel enthusiasic working about.

it would probably help things along if you could think about what sorts of things you want help with. it is fairly much a safe bet that the therapist will indeed ask you about that. it could be handy to make a list before going even.

therapists do differ... but generally speaking most seem to understand that first sessions are hard and that it can be hard to talk in them. if you click with someone i guess you should feel like they are trying to put you at ease and they are relatively successful with that. they are able to coax you into saying some stuff that you feel is important. if you really feel like you couldn't disclose anything to them or they weren't very sympathetic then that is likely to indicate that you aren't well suited. i guess it is a bit like trying to find a car... i really think that you are at an advantage if you are able to shop around a little and find someone that you really feel happy about working with.