Maintaining a Connection

I'm struggling with this myself, and I have read how others are struggling with this especially when their T is on vacation.

I feel like I don't know my T anymore!

I remember many of the positives of our relationship, but I feel like the past was all a dream. When I see her again, do we pick up where we left off? Do we start fresh? Is she still safe? Did she change?

I am SO excited to see her again...and SO terrified! I want a hug; I don't want her to touch me. I want to start working on my issues again; I don't want to say a word to her. I'm happy; I'm angry. I want her to be my T; I never want to see her again.

She gave me a hand written letter before she left to help me feel connected. It did help, but it didn't. I still feel disconnected. I worked on the "tasks" she gave me: utilizing coping skills whether I was struggling or not, started reading a book she told me to read, "attending to my own needs". I didn't SI. I haven't had to take my anxiety PRN. And yet, I don't feel like my T is real anymore.

This happened during Christmas vacation too. When she came back she was my T: looked like her, talked like her, acted like her, hell, even smelled like her. But it took me 3 weeks to reconnect with her!!!

What are your all experiences with this? Do you ever feel disconnected especially during a break? How do you try to maintain the connection both during and after the break? Are there steps you take to reconnect faster/easier?

i'm having trouble maintaining connection between sessions right now. I found with my old T, I was able to maintain that connection by writing to her between sessions. I'm having trouble finding anything to maintain that connection with this T. Is there anything that helps you have that connection between sessions? Maybe you could expand on that for when vacations roll around?

Write in a journal to her. Or have imaginary conversations in your head. What would she say how to handle this or that?

I do the imaginary conversations in my head thing. It helps.

I'm not supposed to write/journal.

I often have imaginary conversations in my head with her. But because I feel disconnected, I always get into a fight with my imaginary T which adds to feeling disconnected.
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I wasn't necessarily looking for answers. Technically, the best answer is to remember my relationship with her, and do my best to ignore the feelings of wanting to push her away. Realize it's a defense mechanism I use to protect myself. Force myself to go to my next appointment with her, and over time I'll get past this.

But the feelings are still there, they are real, they are frustrating, and contradictory to logic.

I could have written this. I feel exactly as you do. I told my T last week that while she was on a two week break, it felt like she'd died. And I struggle to keep a positive connection to her week to week. I think it just takes a long time to really internalize the " good therapist".

During breaks, my T kept in contact with me by sending me either a letter or a card with a short message. It really did help to reassure me for at least a couple of days. Before her presence seemed to dwindle out my brain again.

Maybe you and your therapist can make a list of things to work on and think about together rather than her giving you a list. My therapist and I do this. It really helps keep the discussion going. Before we started this I often had no idea what to discuss. I find it helps me feel a lot more connected to my therapy.

My t is gone. Nothing can bring her back.

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There is no lack of discussion/topics between my T and I. We probably will never run out of topics. When she's not on vacation, I have a great connection to my T (actually, too strong).

I guess I wasn't clear (sorry!). The only task my T gave me was to "attend to my needs" by using my coping skills during good AND difficult times. That's it.

My T doesn't give me "homework" anymore...lol. I'm an overachiever and wound up overwhelming her

Reading the book was a suggestion. But she probably figured I'd follow through with it.

I'm having a hard time with the connection while CBT T is on vacation. I can relate to wanting to eagerly greet him back yet I want to be angry with him for not helping me prep enough for 8 weeks.

Wish he would send me a postcard, or leave me a sealed envelope with an encouraging message inside to open halfway through his vacation. The end felt rushed. We should have spent more than 15 minutes talking about it.

Hugs to you, Scarlet.

I have imaginary conversations with both my Ts (in my head) sometimes, although I think that might be more my OCD than my need for connection! I argue with one of them in my head sometimes, too. I always win.

So did your T tell you not to write/journal? Just wondering because writing is an excellent way (generally speaking) for overachievers to deal with their feelings, especially when they are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. I have discovered things going on for me under the surface that I don't know if I would have figured out otherwise.

Remember, the "feeling" of connection is all in your head? It is similar to worry, which is always about something in the future, which we cannot know. I always try to use my imagination to substitute a "good" outcome for something I am worried about instead of a bad one. Or, I see what I can do that is literal and practical and will help me with what I am worried about.

Your Christmas experience reminded me of when I was 7 and my father was away in the military for 8 months. He came back and, as you say: looked like, talked like, acted like, smelled like, etc. but I knew he was an impostor and not my father! Then he started handing out presents. . . and I decided to accept him but I still did not quite trust him like I had before. My mother died when I was 3 and he married my stepmother when I was 5. So I am sure there was a lot going on with my mother going missing/dying and my fears he would, etc. still.

Did you have any childhood experiences when you were away from your mother/care giver for awhile? Even going to summer camp and not being happy or something like that. Situations can cause "repeat" feelings such that not feeling connected in the past will make the whole not feeling connected now happen? Just realizing that makes me feel a bit better. The feelings are just feelings and are mere helps to let us know what is going on with us. Remembering how T worked with the adult you before, you can "connect" with that feeling with your adult self when she gets back?

If I were you, I would immediately tell her the Christmas connection story and how you do not want to repeat that and why you dislike that feeling and where you think it may have come from, etc. Get into the "adult" work with T right away and make that connection and maybe your adult self and Twill be able to help your child self feel better?