Couch 78: Put your feet up and stay a while

Happy Monday all.

my hubby bakes bread every sunday and uses it for the week at work. and a loaf for home also .yummmm

Trigger warning for discussion of impending death of my elderly horse at the end.



My ride went reasonably well, so thank you all for the good wishes. My horse was better when we finished each day than when she started, and that is the best thing that can happen when you're training. I got to ride with my daughter again, and she did her longest ride in the last 5 years! Her horse is one I trained that we sort of share, and the horse was amazing. Kind, patient and considerate with my D and with my horse being ballistic behind her a lot of the time. She kept her cool when my horse was in front and walking way faster than her (something that this horse used to find super upsetting). The poor horse sighed a lot and kept giving me the 'get it together, Woman' look, but stayed calm and mellow. My D got 1st place in the limited distance junior division. My horse and I were 4th, despite having time penalties (we went slowly to be sure she kept her cool). She only lost 1/2 of a point on anything other than time! She is going to be a great competition horse once we get her brain engaged.

Today is supposed to the day we put my elderly horse to sleep though. I'm feeling quite sick and second guessing myself because he seemed really good yesterday, although his eye is still swollen. My D says not to second guess it. His eye does hurt, he is way too thin, and even if he feels okay yesterday and today and maybe even tomorrow, there are huge storms coming, and he will not feel well then. She is urging me not to wait until he's bad again. I don't want him to suffer, but I don't want to do it too soon either and deprive him of some enjoyable days.

got invited to give a talk. While generally I have no problems at international or US conferences, talking to British people seems somehow more scary. I guess I should spend some hours on practicing my pronunciation in front of the mirror

Or watching Downton Abbey! Congrats!

In pdocs waiting room. A little boy just emerged from the back and announced "it reminds me of The Shining here."

Indeed.

Ok, this made me really LOL

Hello, everyone. I could use some advice and I'm not really sure where else to post this.

I saw my psychologist today and we talked about a whole lot of different things. For a while we talked about my social anxiety and how anxious I am about my oral presentation next week. The psychologist told me she doesn't think it's a good idea for me to do the presentation in front of people since me getting all panicky and just surviving the whole thing won't help (it hasn't helped before). She said it's not good to keep avoiding things but that it's much better to do this whole thing right. To start small and work my way up to bigger things (things I'm more afraid of). I agree. I mean, I get all paranoid and think that people look at me and judge me when walking outside and that's a relatively "small" thing, so standing up in front of people and speak for 15 minutes is horrible for me. It's better to start small.

So, the psychologist told me she thinks I should speak to my professor about it since I've got the right to get certain support at university. The things is I don't know what to say and it also feels really stupid since I talked to him about this last week and we agreed that I'd do the presentation (even though I'm really anxious). He gave an example of some other student who had almost fainted or something because she was so scared of giving presentations. She had practiced her presentation with the professor and then she'd presented in front of the class. My professor said the student later told him that she's now OK with presenting stuff. Well, that's not how my life works. That's not how things work for me but I don't think the professor gets it.

1. Do you agree with what my psychologist said?

2. Do you think I should talk to my professor? If so, what do I even say? I'm really afraid of confrontation and things like that so I'm not even sure how I'll be able to muster up enough courage to actually speak to him about this again. I hate being the annoying student with "special needs".

omg I am getting into a soap opera .someone shoot me now I need to get a real life

I cancelled my horse's appointment for this afternoon. When I went out to feed him this morning, he was trotting around and nickering to me. I just cannot do it right now.

you will know when the time is MKAC .it is such a hard decision

I have departed the Overlook Hotel. Had an interesting moment. Pdoc and I were discussing the upcoming weekend. We found out that we're both going to the same concert on Friday night. We're actually sitting in sections that aren't too far apart, at a small venue. So it's a bit nice to have fair warning. I assume he felt safe telling me where his seats are because he knows how anti-social I am. I won't exactly be elbowing my way in between him and his wife.

As someone with anxiety, I'd ask myself which is worse - giving the presentation or talking to the professor. It's a tough choice.

So I did some sorta-homework for therapy over the weekend and emailed it all to t, and made sure we have one more appt to talk about it before I take a bit of a break. She responded that I had done some exceptional work, and that she is as always in awe of the process, but that it takes a devotee like me to work it. Somewhere along the line I did become quite devoted to this whole "process", as frustrated with it as I was recently. I can't NOT do this work. It has become part of who I am. So I realize that even if I take another break from t, it won't be a break from the work. But I feel ok about that.

Of course, me being who I am and my relationship with t being what it is, I am going to tease her about trying to butter me up so I don't take a break haha. (Actually I read her response as being quite sincere.). I think I'm about over being frustrated, but still think a break is a good idea.

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Practicing in front of your professor sounds like a good idea.

I think the professor is just trying to help you. If the help he is offering is not useful to you, then go ahead and use whatever accommodations are in place for you. When I have students who have some situation like this, I try my best and offer extra assistance to the student but if it is not useful, I don't get all worked up over it.

I wish I had a better camera on my phone so I could post the beautiful birds around my place. I have been up since dawn just watching them.

Stolen from a friend's FB page. "You gotta list 5 songs that the writer reached out and grabbed you by the throat when you heard them. "

My five:
1. Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll-Bob
2. It's a Hard Life-Nanci Griffith
3. Closer to Fine- Indigo Girls
4. In My Hour of Darkness- Gram Parsons
5. Ft. Worth Blues- Steve Earle.

Ike:

1. Do you love me (now that i can dance)? - The Contours
2. If you could read my mind - Gordon Lightfoot
3. I'm not in love - 3 degrees or some funny name like that
4. Something from Broadway from the 50's-60's
5. Something by Dylan, the Beatles, the Stones, or the Temptations

I loved that bird pic you posted yesterday. You are lucky to live where you do. I see or rather hear! the occasional oriole - such a sweet song! The birds here will soon be migrating - i love the way the swoop and swirl and fill the sky.

I always think of Miss Jane when anyone mentions birdwatching

I am tired & stressed out & i am feeling depressed

#3 I think was 10cc.... I so love that song still.....

well i've been putting in my 2 cents all over the place this evening so I guess i'll go to bed now! night couch!!

Hello everyone.
I am feeling so upset. My H is ignoring me - it's worse that being yelled at. i think he might have read some things I wrote. I'm afraid and feel really alone.
I see T tomorrow but she just doesn't understand. I can't communicate to her just how bad things are - my H my boys, issues with school/college, problems with parents, friends - I'm a mess. She just sits there and then gets rid of me as soon as she can.
I can't afford to see her anymore anyway so it's going to end soon.
I just feel so low and ashamed of myself for posting.
I'm sorry.