[pmbm]

I had a really hard session today. My therapist kept saying things that made me mad, but she really wasn't saying them to make me mad and had no clue that I would be angry at what she said. I tried really hard to express what has been going on in my present day life and what kinds of memories that recent events have triggered. But I couldn't say the words, I didn't want to say the words. I am really afraid of talking about some things that happened to me as a teenager and that I actively participated in as a young adult. Well, the session was about to end and the words just popped out of my mouth. There wasn't even time to explain what I was talking about. My therapist was really calm and said that she wished she had more time, but she didn't and she helped me with a visualization to put the information away for now. She said that she hated ending this way because we will not see each other next week. I will be away for 8 days. But, she commented that I seemed like I was just raw. And that was how I would describe myself. I feel like all of my nerve endings are exposed. I have crazy anxiety. I want to be okay for my family. I hate the way I left things for myself. I kind of wish I had not gone to therapy today. Ugh.

[CANDC]

pmbm sounds like you had a breakthrough even if it was at the end. Sometimes writing things down in a notebook gently pries the door open. At least your therapist is staying calm. Another thing that may help is recording our dreams.
Talk therapy can dredge up old unresolved issues.
Sometimes yoga (youtube beginners yoga adrienne) can take us beyond the pain. It does not have to be a battering ram approach but can just be a gentle trickling around the problems.
healthy diet helps mood swings. eating ever y 3-4 hours - high protein low carb no sugar helps keep the rollercoaster on low levels

[pmbm]

I feel like it will be really hard to wait the 13 days until I have therapy again. I actually left my therapist a message last night asking if she could see me today. I've never asked for an extra session before. I've also not heard back from her at this point and now I am going through the crazy thoughts about, what I'd she's dead, what if she's sick, etc. I am obviously not going to see her today. But now, I'm going to leave for vacation thinking she's not okay. Aaaarrrggghhh. I don't like this. What do you do to get through a period like this?

[guilloche]

Hi Patty... I'm sorry you ended up so raw and triggered and anxious before a break with your therapist... and sorry that your therapist didn't get back to you today for an extra session.

Not sure if it will help, but here are some things I'd try:
- writing/journaling - if it doesn't trigger you more. Sometimes this helps me feel like I'm getting stuff "out of my head" - putting it on paper, and then I can tell my brain, "ok, it's out, it's done, you don't have to worry about it anymore - let it go, and we can pick it back up when we go to therapy". But, sometimes it can trigger more, so if it makes you feel worse, don't do it.

- distraction, distraction, distraction is the only other thing that works for me. TV, especially TV shows that I love and have on DVD, movies, reading, online games, games on a tablet, music, singing, anything that occupies my brain so that I can stop playing attention to the thoughts/memories.

Again, I'm sorry you have to wait so long to see her again... is your work business or pleasure? Will she call back on your cell? I wonder if she would be open to doing a short phone session with you (if you're ok with that) when you're away? (I had a T once who let me do my session over the phone when I was sick and didn't want to leave the house... if she could do a shorter "session" on the phone, and if you could fit it in, I wonder if it would help you contain things better?)

Hang in there... and if you don't hear back soon, I'd call again (!). Just say you were worried that the message didn't get through, and even though you're traveling, you'd still like to hear back from her (again, assuming you'll be able to take the call).

(((hugs)))

[pmbm]

Thanks, Guilloche. Now I'm convinced something is wrong with T because no response to message or email. There's probably not. But I have a tendency to be a little. Irrational about these things. I always expect the worst. I will be doing quite a bit of journaling. I'm going to a cottage on a lake with my wife and kids. T will call me back on my cell phone (if she is alive!). She is usually so responsive that this stuff is scaring me. I'm actually much calmer than I was and I've been working on putting everyone in my rowboat out at sea. I really can't wait to spend some time journaling and maybe reading some healing books.

[guilloche]

I'm glad you're feeling a little calmer... I know what you mean about worrying, I do it with that with friends. I try not to, but sometimes... it happens. Hopefully it's just some stupid technical glitch, like her phone's battery died!

Enjoy the lake... that sounds really relaxing and nice!

[RTerroni]

Sorry to hear about that, it seems like vacation always comes at the worst possible time.

[pmbm]

Leaving in a few minutes. I want to know just how much stuff does a family of 5 need for a week at the lake. I probably overstepped my therapist's boundaries today. But I asked a friend of mine who is a friend of It's if all is well with T. Yup. T is good. Taking a child to college with a little vacay of her own. Much relief on my part.

I've ended sessions before a break like that in the past. I think it was an attempt to keep me at the forefront of T's mind during the break, afraid that just chillaxing in the last session wouldn't be enough.
Of course, this all happened unconsciously at that time.

[guilloche]

Glad to hear that your T is ok!

[pmbm]

And I just got an email from T telling me that she was away with no technology. I feel so much better. And she reminded me she is not leaving and we have plenty of time to discuss whatever I need to. And she reminded me not to let the past interfere with my present family. That is what I work the hardest on....being the best possible wife and mom.