[DavidStrong]

My psychologist has been trying to get me to change the way I think about myself. She tries to get me to think positively about myself, but it just doesn't stick. Does anyone else have experience working on the believability of positive thoughts?

[Talulah]

Oh man do i ever have a problem with that too! It is a major focus of my therapy. I struggle to change my negative thoughts and feel shame when I try to replace with positive ones. I also have a very difficult time with compliments and praise. I assume you may suffer the same?

As far as what I'm supposed to be doing to work on it: since saying positive things was too hard for me. I'm supposed to curb my "negative self talk" instead. We are trying this first.

My t told me that whenever I have a negative thought about myself (I'm ugly, fat, unworthy, etc) I'm supposed to stop myself, and try very hard to trace where and when this first came about to me in my life. She tries to get me to examine the root of the original thought and who or what event placed it there. I can do that well and fine, but have found it doesn't stop me from ruminating about it, and may even make me angrier! Sometimes it confuses me further since I tend to "agree" with the negative talk regardless of how it got there. Anyway, she then attempts to discredit the source for me. Honestly David, it hasn't worked that well.

What I have incorporated for myself, is that whenever I start negative self talk I scream "STOP!" in my head over and over and them try to distract myself with something else.

I know this isn't mcuh help, but I'm working on it too....

[LMo]

[Calm]

I have trouble with it a lot. I've worked at the positive self-affirmations but in the end, I still struggle with those ever gnawing negative beliefs.
Seems easy in theory but hard to make it take hold.

Good luck to you with the hard work you're doing.

Calm

I think it takes a lot of work and a lot of time. Keep practicing.

I also think you can't believe it "just because". The attempt at believing it should lead to discussions about why it can't be believed and an exploration of what's 'there', what gets in the way. To expect you to just believe it is unrealistic to me.

[Talulah]

That's why they don't "stick" (the positive thoughts) so easily. It's easy to just say them, but beliveing them is a whole new deal.....buying into the negative is the danger and is soooo easy.

I often don't belive I'm worthy of the positive things my t wants me to say etc, but she says go on "blind faith" for now. If you at least stop the negative maybe some blind faith will take hold and trick you into beliveability of the positive or something like that. I dunno if I buy that either I think she's just asking for me to give it a shot.

Exam the cause and see what you but into and if it conflicts deep down ya know? Its at least a starting place.

[sunrise]

We don't really work at all on getting me to think positively about myself in therapy. We tend to work on the root causes of my problems rather than current thinking. I think the idea is if we can get at the root, from my past, that understanding will contribute to greater health/happiness/insight/change in the present. It is an approach that works for me. I don't think just working on changing my current thinking "just because" would work at all for me. David, if it's not working for you, ask your T for a different approach.

I think we need to tell our T's more when something does and doesn't work in therapy (not trying to single you out on this David).

[OliviaC]

I struggle with this all the time in and out of therapy. I feel as though I am worthless, no good, no redeeming qualities, etc. Sometimes I feel it is futile and I am wasting my wonderful psychologist's time because what I believe is really the truth to me! How do I change that?

I have only been seeing this new T for a couple of months and we seem to have a connection already (takes me a long time usually). I only hope I can overcome these feelings that I have a hard time accepting are not *fact*.

[Perna]

Doing the "as if" thing or asking multiple sources what they saw in me helped me. I didn't have as much trouble just "suspending" my disbelieve and knowing that other people saw a certain thing in me and then looking for it for myself? Just accept that the other people think you are "kind," for example and then look for evidence of kindness. They must be looking at something to have the opinion they do? When you can say, "oh, yeah, I went out of my way and gave Aunt Sally a ride to the drugstore to get her prescription" and realize that you didn't have to do that, that that was "kind" of you, you'll start seeing "kind" things you do all over the place.

When your therapist says something about you, ask her why she says whatever it is, to give you an example, and then instead of refuting the example (focusing harder on refuting than seeing :-) just take the example with you and look for others. Eventually you should come around to seeing some things about yourself as others see you that are pretty darn neat!

If you think about it, we all have the "capacity" to be all the good things there are to be; it's not like we have to be them continuously/all the time! I'm working on being "warm" -- I decided 20+ years ago that when I grew up I wanted to be "warm, wise, and whimsical". At the time I knew I had "whimsical" beat :-) and I was coming up on "wise" but the "warm" is harder for me, probably because of my anxiety and fear of vulnerability/taking chances. But I don't doubt that if I want to feel myself as "warm" that I'll get there! I have all the right "equipment" so it's a matter of figuring out how to act "as if" and that will help it come true.

I find actively working on thinking good positive thoughts about myself doesn't work. To contrived, I agree with the other post that says positivity comes as a by-product of the other work we do.

For an example, today I was out shopping and felt ok and pretty relaxed. I suddenly became aware of to loud voices coming behind me laughing. I noticed that it didn't effect me, I noticed the absence of usual feelings I would have such as, feeling they MUST be laughing about me. I just felt "normal", I just thought I guess they're having a great time shopping. I walked on feeling ever so "together" and positive lol..

If I had said to myself before I went out today, that I am ok and not to worry about what i think others may think of me, that wouldnt have worked.

Hope I made sense?

[Talulah]

Perna, yea, I totally buy that.......nicely put.

[OliviaC]

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Perna said:
Doing the "as if" thing or asking multiple sources what they saw in me helped me. I didn't have as much trouble just "suspending" my disbelieve and knowing that other people saw a certain thing in me and then looking for it for myself? Just accept that the other people think you are "kind," for example and then look for evidence of kindness. They must be looking at something to have the opinion they do? When you can say, "oh, yeah, I went out of my way and gave Aunt Sally a ride to the drugstore to get her prescription" and realize that you didn't have to do that, that that was "kind" of you, you'll start seeing "kind" things you do all over the place.

When your therapist says something about you, ask her why she says whatever it is, to give you an example, and then instead of refuting the example (focusing harder on refuting than seeing :-) just take the example with you and look for others. Eventually you should come around to seeing some things about yourself as others see you that are pretty darn neat!

If you think about it, we all have the "capacity" to be all the good things there are to be; it's not like we have to be them continuously/all the time! I'm working on being "warm" -- I decided 20+ years ago that when I grew up I wanted to be "warm, wise, and whimsical". At the time I knew I had "whimsical" beat :-) and I was coming up on "wise" but the "warm" is harder for me, probably because of my anxiety and fear of vulnerability/taking chances. But I don't doubt that if I want to feel myself as "warm" that I'll get there! I have all the right "equipment" so it's a matter of figuring out how to act "as if" and that will help it come true.

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I think this is great advice, Perna! Thank you. You are very wise!
((((((hugs)))))

Olivia