I Am Awful

If I can, I would prefer to eat everything with my hands. I hate forks, knives, and spoons.

can you reframe thinking you are weird to just being different? it's okay to be different although i know it can be hard at times.

i think as you are delving deeper into all this family muck it is good to also focus on your good qualities so you don't just see areas of your life where you feel flawed. for me making a list of my good qualities has been really healing and affirming. sometimes we have a hard time even seeing our good qualities and have to work a little to realize not everyone else has those qualities we easily take for granted in ourselves.

I have tried this before, and the only good qualities I can ever come up with are smart, honest, teachable. Other than that...I'm not mean, or evil. I just don't see what I contribute positively.

you are really artistic. so there's another. also, you are always willing to help others here so you are obviously caring. i know you are spiritual too. maybe ask your T for some more. it's really easy not to be aware of our own positive qualities especially when we have one of those personality types that is so rare in our society. i find that is where the personality type descriptions can be helpful too as they point out strengths.

For you, I would add Kind and Helpful. Thoughtful. Wise. You contribute a ton here.

I guess I can always find exceptions to those, so I don't like calling them strengths.

You're human. We all have bad days. In general, we have seen you be all of those things more often than not. But I get what you're saying. I do the same thing to myself. Just know that is the way others see you, whether or not you self-identify that way.

it's how you are most of the time, probably the vast majority of the time. kick that inner critic to the curb. perfectionism is not allowed here.

My daughter (nor an adult but old enough) eats her pizza exactly the same way! She also has a memory foam pillow she squeezes at night and is extremely sensitive to all textures and fabrics. It's not typical but doesn't make you weird - just highly sensitive. It certainly not a bad thing really effects you more than it affects other people.

I love rubbing my feet on surfaces for the texture. I think everyone has their thing. Doesn't make you awful.

How do you know your t doesn't like wearing silky underwear for the texture or rolling in the dirt? Heh heh

That's mortifying... And definitely TMI... My maternal transference keeps thinking eww, I don't want to know that....

It wasn't meant to be mortifying, it was meant to be light hearted in relation to people's thing with textures.

Are you familiar with "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Aron? It is on amazon.

I know. It's just the maternal transference makes the idea of my T wearing silky underwear (which is often considered sexy lingerie) kinda gross. And it's a reminder that there are certain things I will never want to know about her.

I love that book, and I really relate to most of what she writes about.