[someone321]

I tried to keep it short but I think I didn't manage...

As last week I was not sure if I can come on Tuesday, T scheduled me for Thursday and asked to let her know whether I can make it on Tuesday. I could but after the session I realized that I had no idea if I could come also on Thursday as I was scheduled, as well. Thus, I sent an e-mail to T. In the morning I got the response that, we'll have next session next week. I was pissed a bit but immediately just responded "Ok". But it was not ok as I really hoped that I could come... It was like a good trigger so I barely managed to keep myself in one piece but when I eventually calmed down, I sent T the e-mail to simply let her know that I was struggling a lot but was okay and calm now, so just to simply let her know what was going on (we agreed to do that) and it absolutely wasn't my intention to ask for the session when I was writing it...Somehow my T misunderstood the fact that I'm okay with not coming tomorrow and sent me a response:

Ok, you can come tomorrow at 3.30, is that ok?
Sorry I don’t qualify in mind reading….. You are invited to ask me frankly ..:-)
See you tomorrow?

And it just really pissed me and again threw me out of my window of tolerance, like I am a burden and that T is annoyed and frustrated with me and now there is just no way I could come tomorrow. Not at all... But what should I do in this case? I could ignore this e-mail and simply not come (not nice) or I could respond something (e.g. what??) to let her know that I won't come... But honestly I'm afraid that she'll just think that I am extremely moody and am bothering her without any reason...

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

I tried to keep it short but I think I didn't manage...

As last week I was not sure if I can come on Tuesday, T scheduled me for Thursday and asked to let her know whether I can make it on Tuesday. I could but after the session I realized that I had no idea if I could come also on Thursday as I was scheduled, as well. Thus, I sent an e-mail to T. In the morning I got the response that, we'll have next session next week. I was pissed a bit but immediately just responded "Ok". But it was not ok as I really hoped that I could come... It was like a good trigger so I barely managed to keep myself in one piece but when I eventually calmed down, I sent T the e-mail to simply let her know that I was struggling a lot but was okay and calm now, so just to simply let her know what was going on (we agreed to do that) and it absolutely wasn't my intention to ask for the session when I was writing it...Somehow my T misunderstood the fact that I'm okay with not coming tomorrow and sent me a response:

Ok, you can come tomorrow at 3.30, is that ok?
Sorry I don’t qualify in mind reading….. You are invited to ask me frankly ..:-)
See you tomorrow?

And it just really pissed me and again threw me out of my window of tolerance, like I am a burden and that T is annoyed and frustrated with me and now there is just no way I could come tomorrow. Not at all... But what should I do in this case? I could ignore this e-mail and simply not come (not nice) or I could respond something (e.g. what??) to let her know that I won't come... But honestly I'm afraid that she'll just think that I am extremely moody and am bothering her without any reason...

It doesn't sound at all like she is burdened by you or doesn't want you to come. It sounds like she didn't realize you were asking about whether you could come on Thursday and assumed you were just clarifying that your next appointment was next Tuesday. Her comment about mind-reading was simply an explanation that she didn't know you wanted to come on Thursday because you didn't directly ask.

[someone321]

Ooo, actually I got the idea right now (writing down the story usually helps). I thought about something like:

Wow, point taken, no more silly e-mails from my side.
Yesterday I asked about the session as I wanted to come when I still felt the connection to go through the triggering part together. However, after your response I already lost the connection totally and I went through triggering part by myself (I guess I am still triggered) so there is no need to have a session tomorrow. I'm sorry if my e-mail was misleading as it wasn't my intention to schedule an addition session after you had let me know that the next one is next week. I'll come on Tuesday.

Is it too "strong"?? I guess I'm still to angry to write something polite but I definitely should write something soon (it's already an evening here)

I would just reply. Yes see you tomorrow.

It is important to ask directly what you want.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It doesn't sound at all like she is burdened by you or doesn't want you to come. It sounds like she didn't realize you were asking about whether you could come on Thursday and assumed you were just clarifying that your next appointment was next Tuesday. Her comment about mind-reading was simply an explanation that she didn't know you wanted to come on Thursday because you didn't directly ask.

Hmmm... You think so? Usually if I tell someone "sorry I don't qualify in mind reading" I am frustrated with this person... But it's possible that I am just over-sensitive... For some reason also at the beginning of the "ok, you can come tomorrow" I can imaging a big sigh and resignation...

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

Ooo, actually I got the idea right now (writing down the story usually helps). I thought about something like:

Wow, point taken, no more silly e-mails from my side.
Yesterday I asked about the session as I wanted to come when I still felt the connection to go through the triggering part together. However, after your response I already lost the connection totally and I went through triggering part by myself (I guess I am still triggered) so there is no need to have a session tomorrow. I'm sorry if my e-mail was misleading as it wasn't my intention to schedule an addition session after you had let me know that the next one is next week. I'll come on Tuesday.

Is it too "strong"?? I guess I'm still to angry to write something polite but I definitely should write something soon (it's already an evening here)

I think you're too angry, and are distancing yourself because of it. I think you're misinterpreting what she is saying.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

Hmmm... You think so? Usually if I tell someone "sorry I don't qualify in mind reading" I am frustrated with this person... But it's possible that I am just over-sensitive... For some reason also at the beginning of the "ok, you can come tomorrow" I can imaging a big sigh and resignation...

But those are things you are filling in with your own thoughts and opinions. She didn't say any of that.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I would just reply. Yes see you tomorrow.

It is important to ask directly what you want.

I absolutely agree with you, and normally when we schedule a session that's exactly what I write but this time I didn't want to schedule a session and I don't know why my T understood my email in this way, but if I write just: "No, I don't want a session tomorrow", T will probably think that I am extremely moody and annoying while I didn't just change my mind, it was not my intention from the beginning (i.e. from writing today's e-mail)

[HazelGirl]

Maybe it would be good to show up at tomorrow's appointment and talk it out with your T?

[someone321]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I think you're too angry, and are distancing yourself because of it. I think you're misinterpreting what she is saying.

And if I delete the first sentence? Would that be okay?

[someone321]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Maybe it would be good to show up at tomorrow's appointment and talk it out with your T?

I guess I'd be too angry and defensive, I don't want to frustrate her even more...

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

I guess I'd be too angry and defensive, I don't want to frustrate her even more...

Sometimes the best work can happen when you're feeling this way.

[Bill3]

I would delete the first sentence.

Hmmm... You think so? Usually if I tell someone "sorry I don't qualify in mind reading" I am frustrated with this person...

I don't know if T is frustrated, but I do think the mind reading comment was insensitive. Perhaps it was an effort to be humorous?

But it's possible that I am just over-sensitive...

I don't see that here.

For some reason also at the beginning of the "ok, you can come tomorrow" I can imaging a big sigh and resignation...

To me, it sounds like T welcomes you tomorrow if you want. I agree with HazelGirl about considering talking it out with T.

[someone321]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Sometimes the best work can happen when you're feeling this way.

Originally Posted by Bill3

I would delete the first sentence.

I don't know if T is frustrated, but I do think the mind reading comment was insensitive. Perhaps it was an effort to be humorous?

I don't see that here.

To me, it sounds like T welcomes you tomorrow if you want. I agree with HazelGirl about considering talking it out with T.

Wow, how do you do that? From being pissed and thinking about not writing anything or something much worse that posted here, now I think that maybe actually I'll write that I'll come and I will come tomorrow. Still not sure if it won't be too embarrassing to show up tomorrow but maybe it's worth considering?

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

Wow, how do you do that? From being pissed and thinking about not writing anything or something much worse that posted here, now I think that maybe actually I'll write that I'll come and I will come tomorrow. Still not sure if it won't be too embarrassing to show up tomorrow but maybe it's worth considering?

It won't be. She will be glad to talk about it. She offered. Take her offer and use it to your advantage.

[someone321]

Okay, I just wrote:
Okay, yes, I'll come tomorrow - thank you.

My stress level just increased a lot, I only hope that that it will be high also tomorrow, otherwise I'll feel really dumb for making so big drama

Thanks

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by someone321

Okay, I just wrote:
Okay, yes, I'll come tomorrow - thank you.

My stress level just increased a lot, I only hope that that it will be high also tomorrow, otherwise I'll feel really dumb for making so big drama

Thanks

I think that's a good indicator that you needed to take that appointment.

[PeeJay]

With email, so much can get lost in the translation.

This T seems a bit passive aggressive in saying, "sorry, I don't qualify for mind reading," or whatever she said. That would set me off, too.

But, it's probably better to show up and talk to her about it, rather than go back and forth so much.

[pmbm]

I think that the fact she put the smiley face in says that she is not frustrated. I don't think I would take the mind reading thing as any other than what it is. It's true. Therapists are no more mind readers than the rest of us and one thing that I am sure that therapists work on with people is letting people know it's okay to ask for what you need. The answer in the end may not be what you want, but it's always okay to ask. I hate trying to e-mail or text with my therapist sometimes because there is only one tiny part of communication there ...you're missing tone of voice, facial expressions, body language...and therefore, my mind and her mind tend to add things not there and we both end up a little confused.

[stopdog]

I would have told her I had not expected her to be a mind reader and in fact it was best for all involved that she was not. Then reiterated my request or clarification. They don't get to be all snotty at you

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T tells me a lot that she's not a mind reader, she doesn't have a crystal ball, she wasn't given the book of knowledge when she graduated with her doctorate, and she has no magic wand. I turn it around on her no we when she doesn't know something and pick on her for not, lets say, having a magic wand.

And the smiley face is a good indicator that she's not frustrated with you (like another poster mentioned).

Don't worry about any "drama" you feel you will cause. Go in and just be yourself. Even if you think it sound pathetic, it's not. If it's effecting you, then it's important.