Upset because hospice t might be crossing the lines into my business with my therapy

People can be a LCSW and never practice in a clinical setting. Bereavement is a very specialized area and she's probably taken some special post-graduate training sessions to get a certificate in Bereavement Counseling. But that doesn't mean that she has ever practiced as a clinician in a clinical/clinic setting. Bereavement counseling/therapy is very focused on the issue of dealing with grief, death and dying. It's not trauma therapy in the sense that you are in trauma/in-depth psychotherapy. Bereavement therapy is usually pretty short term, especially if the therapist is from a hospice program. If a client has more long term issues related to grief and depression from the loss of a loved one, the hospice counselor will usually refer the person to a long term therapist.

This woman has overstepped her boundaries. First of all, she has ignored your frank and honest boundary stating that you have a therapist and are only present at the sessions because your husband has asked you to be there. Dumping on you AND your therapist as being inflexible when you clearly have a good relationship with her is not okay! It is a newbie mistake. She doesn't understand the importance of not invading or stepping into the therapeutic space of a client who has an individual therapist. She is setting up herself as your husband's champion and you sit on the other side. Not healing or good in any situation! Good marriage or family therapists know how to walk this tight rope with skill. They have sessions all the time when one or both of their clients have individual therapists and they know full well that things will tank if they side with one client against the other client and his/her therapist.

I think you just need to be firm with her, Sweepy. Let her know that you have the right to privacy and you have a very trusting relationship with your therapist . . . okay, you have to stretch the truth here a bit because your therapist has let you down a bit lately, but I sure wouldn't let this woman know that If she doesn't honor your boundary, just get up and leave. Your husband is using a bit of blackmail (all partners do at some time or other) by stating he won't continue if you don't participate. If he's getting something out of the sessions and it sounds like he is, he'll stay even if you don't. I hope things work out for you.

I forgot to mention (sorry, I know I get long winded!), this bereavement therapist is WAAAAAY out of line telling you what you're feeling. That kind assessment only comes after a client has time to get to know and trust their therapist over time. You know that because you've dealt with that because you've had three different therapists over a short period of time.

This woman hasn't earned the right to make this assessment of your grief or any other emotion you might be feeling. Bereavement therapy is about allowing a client to explore and talk about their feelings and emotions around the issue of someone passing or their own serious health issues. Telling someone how they feel or how they're suppose to feel is not okay. The fact that she thinks it's okay, after a few conversations, indicates she's pretty inept at her job or she's pretty new at bereavement therapy.

Thank you very much, that makes alot of sense. She has overstepped and it does not seem that she has alot of experience . As h kept complaining about my t and my therapy, I was waiting for her to step in and say , that she was here to discuss grief and veer off that topic. Instead she agreed with h that my t was not flexible, and should be calling him and inviting him to my sessions without having to make appt, just show up with me to my sessions.

My relationship with my t is not up to par right now, but I know it will get straightened out. Thank you for your input.

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Wow this is really, really, really not OK! I have a very open and honest relationship with SO we are both in therapy and talk with each other about it frequently. But I would never ever expect to see any of his therapy records. In fact I know that he has some therapy records that he got from the school consoling center after we graduated, and he has them in the house, and I never even dreamed of looking at them. I have called his T once because he was acting very upset and strange, and I was concerned, but I never wanted to find anything out...and it the T did tell me anything about the sessions or what it says in her notes I would tell SO to get out and find a new T. That just isn't how therapy works. You don't share what goes on in there with anyone but the T. Personally I would let your T know what has happened and be very clear with her that you do not want anything released, and perhaps ask her to talk with or write to this bizaro wakadoodle T. Therapy is for you, and no one else, and if you choose to share it that is up to you.

P.S. you may wish to contact your T in writing saying that you don't want anything released, so you have legal proof it comes down to that.

I would never give anyone full access to my medical records!

Besides as my T said, I'm his patient, if my husband wanted to be in it, we would have to go to someone else for couples counselling. He won't even see my husband separately.

The bereavement counselor needs a refresher course in HIPAA. Maybe shes not used to dealing with it because usually one of her client pair is dead

As of right now, all he has is listed as emergency contact, and my t agrees with this as well, hell will freeze over if I ever gave him or anyone complete acess to my records.

Lmao, hanky, you are so f$%^ing funny, yes, she seems kinda slowish, I should mention the word HIPPA LAW lol. I did yell out "what in the hell kind of therapy is this" lmao, that is when she started asking me what I ate during the day, after , they stopped talking about my t not being flexible. WTF!!!! so I said, what the hell do you mean what do i eat, what kind of therapy is this, lmao my h said, honey honey calm down, and the hospice t said, its ok, she is a bit anxious , she is in grief, I said, NO, Im not in grief, I am in need of a damn cigarette right now, because im confused, the hospice t said, its ok, you are not use to this kind of therapy. I said, apparently not. and by the way, I eat fruit roll up, peeps, and ben and jerrys lately. lol. then i went out and had a ciggy, left h and her to figure out the rest.

Youre not used to THIS kind of therapy?! I bet hospice t has not been in real therapy herself. That is why she and your h are bonding - you have knowledge that they do not. At any rate, it is an ugly threesome. i love how you speak up for yourself. But you dont need her to take your MIL's place - that is what she is doing!