My Therapist is Upset

That sounds like a reasonable suggestion.

There was a small stretch in time where I had anxiety attacks upon starting sessions. I brought the xanax with me; although I'd try to hold out, sometimes I'd take it right there in session. Other times, the pre-session anxiety was so bad, I'd have to take one before session.

If I didn't have the script, I may have had to have a drink or two. My anxiety can be tortorous, its not something I can just 'breathe' away.

I wonder what happened to the OP?

I was just wondering the same thing.

Why are people replying when the OP hasn't posted any replies?

Threads often take off because the idea is interesting.

Hi everyone, thanks for all of your replies. You have given me a lot to think about, and I've taken awhile to respond because I wanted to try to digest how I think and feel after reading your responses.

I should clarify a few things from my original post:

-My therapist has known about all the times I came to sessions hungover, so this recent session shouldn't have been a surprise to him.
-Despite all the times I have gone to therapy sessions hungover/slightly intoxicated after a night of drinking, he has never made it clear that there are "boundaries." I wasn't aware that it was a big deal to show up affected by substances that I had taken the day before, as long as I wasn't falling on my face drunk.
-I do struggle to control my substance use, and he knows it. I'm not an occasional user, I drink and do drugs all the time to cope with my emotions. My therapist knows this, and knows it isn't easy for me to "just say no". I really am trying, but am clearly not succeeding.
-I'm really overly sensitive to criticism and my therapist knows this also, or at least he should, because we've discussed it.

I guess I feel like he should have handled this situation a bit more tactfully. The emotional reaction just made me feel guilty and ashamed, and it has hurt my trust. It seemed like he was more personally offended and felt disrespected because I wasn't completely sober, and that's hard for me to understand. How does my substance use have anything to do with him personally?

I'm probably being hypersensitive, but at the same time I guess I feel like he should anticipate that given what he knows about me and react accordingly. I know I should confront him about how I feel, but I'm a chicken. Any ideas about how to bring this up to him?

Hi, Glad to see you came back. We were wondering about you.

The clarification and additional background information helps provide a bit more perspective. It could have been related frustration if he felt he wasn't able to help you after some time. That wouldn't excuse his behavior, but you are asking how it effects him personally. Some people who don't have good boundaries/assert them 'save things up'. He may have disavowed his feelings about how he felt about the problem, but having not said anything, the feelings just build up and build up till they boil over. I don't know if this is what happened here, but it is very common.

I'd tell him exactly what you wrote here:

Of course any client should confront if they feel they need to. In some types of therapies, talking about how you feel is a huge component of the therapy itself, and working through these issues often strengthens the relationship. If your focus is on more specific goals related to addiction or symptoms, then I'd say to still bring it up if it bothers you. Good luck.

It's only thanks to PC it dawned on me being hungover/ still slightly tipsy could be considered disrespectful. I've done it a handful of times. My T does not care.

Once I brought a glass of wine (well, in a travel coffee mug thing) to session to drink there as I was so anxious before leaving my apartment. A few weeks ago I decided to skip lunch and have a glass of wine before session to take the edge off. I certainly wasn't drunk but I was more relaxed.

So it really boils down to the attitude of the T. I don't think you were being unreasonable at all.

I understand the differing opinions and responses to the issue (which is actually two--substances and emotional display). I can understand why a therapist would refuse to conduct a session with someone who was loaded. Also the therapist then has to consider what happens after session, if the person tries to drive...

My therapist is so low key that his sense is that as long as you can get in your bathrobe and get to the office, he will see you. I guess he believes it's better to do something than not.

Feeling a therapist's anger or feeling lectured to or scolded is to me the real problem. I agree with Stopdog that therapists do not have the right to behave this way, even if concerned. We are their bosses; they are not our parents or sponsors. That technique accomplishes nothing and may do harm, as it seems to in this case.

I understand why it is so hard to raise the issue, but if you start thinking of it less as a "confrontation" perhaps things will come to you? or it won't feel as risky? Could you say something like, I don't really feel comfortable coming today because of last session? And then go from there.

I can relate to the part about your T expressing frustration or whatever it is.... My T sort of confronted me and his frustration came out. It was not good....to put it mildly. Like you, I didn't respond with my real feelings during the session because I was so caught off guard and unable to be authentic or even know how I felt at the time. BUT during the next session I let him have it. Well....I'm sure I was still pretty diplomatic but I was honest. And my T apologized. It was a long, ongoing thing that I believe we worked out over the course of several months. He had countertransference, I think. But anyways, all this to say, it was SO important for me to tell him how I felt about what happened. And also to work on repairing the relationship over time.

As for the substance abuse and therapy: I've had a beer once before a session. I didn't tell my T. But I'm not working on substance abuse issues right now in therapy. I think the issue you describe is your Ts expression of frustration or anger or something and it caught you off guard. I'd try and start there