[JaneC]

Hi all,

I have my T first thing tomorrow(it is late Sunday afternoon here) for an extra session, and can not stop worrying and thinking about it.

As some will remember, 2 weeks ago I sent T a list of past trauma, lots never talked about before to anyone, and had a bit of a melt down afterwards over fear of what he will think. I've seen him once since then but was in a really bad state after a very difficult(for me) situation at university, so I spent the entire appointment sobbing and overwhelmed and spacing out.

I know we need to touch on my fears around THE LIST. I am really anxious about his thoughts about me now...and feeling so embarrassed after the last session last week.

I'd really appreciate some support, pocket riders and also ideas on how to talk to him about him maybe thinking I'm disgusting and bad and all of those other adjectives now that he has seen the list, please.

[HazelGirl]

Sending thoughts. Let us know how it goes.

[CantExplain]

((JaneC))

I'll be there!

I'll be there!!! With my past Ts...the sessions that I was so anxious about turned out to be the most helpful.... And never as extreme as I worried they be. He'll be there for you...the same T as always.

Jane, you are doing something very courageous.
Wishing you the best in your healing.

I hope it goes well for you. Let us know how it goes. I'm not too sure about the time difference - maybe you have already gone?

[BashfulBear]

I'm afraid I don't have any solid advice, but try to be brave... just be yourself. Good luck! I'll be thinking of you

[guilloche]

Good luck Jane... I'm thinking of you too. Does it help any to remember that your T cares about you, and is on your side? He wants to be helpful... if that means going slow through the list, then that's what he'll do! Just be sure to let him know if you're getting overwhelmed!

Good luck! Lots of good thoughts heading your way!

[Aloneandafraid]

Good luck, Jane. Keep strong - you are doing so well, you are so brave. Please let us know how it goes. Thinking of you and sending healing hugs. Xxx

[Depletion]

I know that you can do it. T wants to help, and that's why he had you make the list. Try to remind yourself of this when ever it all seems to horrible.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Keeping you in my thoughts, JaneC Make sure to update us once you have the time/ processed things.

[JaneC]

Thanks for the replies!

GAH! WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT THE LIST!!!!!!!!!!! It was like he wanted to avoid that for now, and when I made reference to it and that I thought my worry about it had added to how I was feeling last week, he just nodded his head and changed tack in the conversation! siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh! (now I have to dwell on it even more)

He did reassure me that I hadn't asked for too much support or taken up too much of his time over the last week. I think I believe him, I said I'd try anyway.

The appointment was ok. More a recap of what had happened last week(I was totally overwhelmed and sobbing, with lots going on) and he wanted to make sure that I acknowledged how well he thought I handled all the 'situations', despite how painful they were for me. He seemed to really want me to know "how proud I am of you". (made me very uncomfortable though)

I'm going to start another thread, as my T brought stuff up that has really confused me.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by JaneC

Thanks for the replies!

GAH! WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT THE LIST!!!!!!!!!!! It was like he wanted to avoid that for now, and when I made reference to it and that I thought my worry about it had added to how I was feeling last week, he just nodded his head and changed tack in the conversation! siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh! (now I have to dwell on it even more)

He did reassure me that I hadn't asked for too much support or taken up too much of his time over the last week. I think I believe him, I said I'd try anyway.

The appointment was ok. More a recap of what had happened last week(I was totally overwhelmed and sobbing, with lots going on) and he wanted to make sure that I acknowledged how well he thought I handled all the 'situations', despite how painful they were for me. He seemed to really want me to know "how proud I am of you". (made me very uncomfortable though)

I'm going to start another thread, as my T brought stuff up that has really confused me.

Just a thought: he may not want to touch the list until the other stressors in your life have dimished. Trauma work can be incredibly destabilizing, and he may not want to make things harder than they currently are.

Could you ask him at your next appointment what he thinks of you now that he has seen the list, so you get that part out of the way? Also, great job bringing it up!