[ombrétwilight]

I thought my depression was lifting but apparently not as it's gotten worse again, with the additional burden of anxiety this time round. I don't know how long more I can do this and I feel so tired of it all. Not just physically but also a bone-weary mental exhaustion. It's gotten to the point where I am afraid of the night/early morning just because my mood takes a further dip southwards.

I want to cry but I can't even do that because I am so bad at releasing emotions. All I can do is to curl up like a ball on the floor to clear my head. I need T more than ever now but I can't even convey this to her as I'm unable to show dependency either. Haven't seen her in a month and will be terminating in a few more sessions. I'm at a loss as to what to do especially since I'm deep into transference that's not been dealt with.

Sorry for the rant - I didn't know who else to turn to. There's a lot going on with A Levels around the corner and I seriously cannot study in this state. Anyone has any advice? Thank you all in advance.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Hey ombretwilight, sorry you're feeling so low and sad. Depression is so taxing and tiring. I know how hard it is to motivate yourself when down, but can I suggest you do something nice for yourself. Taking a walk, sitting in a garden with sunshine, buying and eating some of your favorite foods, whatever you like to do. My t tells me that sometimes it's good for you to do the opposite of how you feel (eg. if you feel like withdrawing, make sure you socialise). i use distraction a lot to get through. When it's really bad -like for weeks or months on end - I just focus on getting through each hour, and try to remind myself that I shouldn't make myself worse by feeling ashamed of how I feel. Be kind to yourself, do something nice for yourself and pm me if needed

[ombrétwilight]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

Hey ombretwilight, sorry you're feeling so low and sad. Depression is so taxing and tiring. I know how hard it is to motivate yourself when down, but can I suggest you do something nice for yourself. Taking a walk, sitting in a garden with sunshine, buying and eating some of your favorite foods, whatever you like to do. My t tells me that sometimes it's good for you to do the opposite of how you feel (eg. if you feel like withdrawing, make sure you socialise). i use distraction a lot to get through. When it's really bad -like for weeks or months on end - I just focus on getting through each hour, and try to remind myself that I shouldn't make myself worse by feeling ashamed of how I feel. Be kind to yourself, do something nice for yourself and pm me if needed

Thanks for your kind words TWF! (: I would like to watch a movie or something but I can't as I have my A Levels (the British/Commonwealth equivalent of the SATs) soon. Think I just might screw up in this state!

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by ombrétwilight

Thanks for your kind words TWF! (: I would like to watch a movie or something but I can't as I have my A Levels (the British/Commonwealth equivalent of the SATs) soon. Think I just might screw up in this state!

Yeah, it sounds like you're in no state to study at the moment. I'm sorry it's come at such a bad time. Maybe you are better off taking some time for yourself to try to clear the mind first? A couple of hours for a film? A levels is hard enough for most without the added complication of mh issues.

Sorry you are having a bad time, could this be related to the fact that you are terminating with your T soon?

[ombrétwilight]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

Yeah, it sounds like you're in no state to study at the moment. I'm sorry it's come at such a bad time. Maybe you are better off taking some time for yourself to try to clear the mind first? A couple of hours for a film? A levels is hard enough for most without the added complication of mh issues.

Good idea! Maybe I'll take a few hours off because there's no point "studying" when I'm rather stuDYING. (sorry for the really bad joke from a fried brain)

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Sorry you are having a bad time, could this be related to the fact that you are terminating with your T soon?

Yes it definitely has to do with that. The horrible thing is I'm not even sure whether she's sorry to see me go. She's probably quite glad to be rid of me and my antics and I am certain she won't miss me the way I will her. Strange isn't it, how we grieve for someone who's perfectly well and in close geographical proximity but may for all intents and purposes be on another planet.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I liked your pun

Have you talked to your t about how you feel about finishing up?

[ombrétwilight]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

Have you talked to your t about how you feel about finishing up?

I don't think I'm ready to emerge from my shell of seeming self-sufficiency yet. It's too entwined with some of my past issues which we also haven't dealt with in depth. I wish I could put off termination but I can't as she works for my school and I'm graduating.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by ombrétwilight

I don't think I'm ready to emerge from my shell of seeming self-sufficiency yet. It's too entwined with some of my past issues which we also haven't dealt with in depth. I wish I could put off termination but I can't as she works for my school and I'm graduating.

I'm sorry neither of you seem to have any say in the matter. I think that makes things even more frustrating and, for me, I'd feel kind of helpless - like there's nothing either of you can do about it. Having said that, if you can't continue with your current t, seems like you really need to find a new t - as you still have a lot you want to work on. Might be worth taking a look to see what services you can find in your area.

Oh, and I hope you enjoy your film!