[ThisWayOut]

I was just thinking about my last session, and a comment t had made about some of the stuff I was telling her. We were talking about perfectionism and my level of self-deprication that stems from childhood. She commented that the expectations we were held to were impossible to attain, and how she didn't realize things were "that bad". I think I know that on some level, but other stuff sticks out to me as more intense (bothersome? Uncomfortable? Traumatizing?) from mychildhood. I guess it was good that she sees something in it all because she had a better understanding of how things were growing up, but it's not necessarily what I would point out as the really hard and intense stuff. Maybe because it was so "normal" to me?
Is there ever a time your t seems to focus on something that seems so trivial to you?

[stopdog]

Constantly until I finally got the woman to stop talking.

[HazelGirl]

Yeah, I do think that for me, it was so normal that I didn't realize it was bad.

I was both physically and emotionally abused, and although I assumed trauma talk would focus on the physical abuse, we have actually focused almost exclusively on the emotional abuse. I made the comment once that I didn't think it was "that bad" and that it shouldn't affect me as much as it has but my T said that emotional abuse is one of the most damaging forms of abuse.

[anilam]

TBH, I do think that Ts make/take things more serious/ly than the general population would. Hated it, found a T who is more normal in that regard and even he slips up from time to time and needs to be reminded I don't appreciate that. There's a theory why they do it but man, it is annoying...

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by anilam

TBH, I do think that Ts make/take things more serious/ly than the general population would. Hated it, found a T who is more normal in that regard and even he slips up from time to time and needs to be reminded I don't appreciate that. There's a theory why they do it but man, it is annoying...

Maybe they just realize more than the general population how damaging and destroying abuse is and are the only ones who take it seriously enough?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Maybe they just realize more than the general population how damaging and destroying abuse is and are the only ones who take it seriously enough?

That may be what they want clients to think, but I have never found it to be the case for me. Further in some cases where I represent people, that notion produced disastrous situations for the client and others. Therapists can be just dead wrong.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by stopdog

That may be what they want clients to think, but I have never found it to be the case for me. Further in some cases where I represent people, that notion produced disastrous situations for the client and others. Therapists can be just dead wrong.

Of course they can. They're human. But I also think that sometimes (not all the time, and certainly T's need to respect their client's opinions) clients are unaware of how the negative things in their life currently stem from the negative things of the past. I know that has been the case for me. I couldn't see the connection between how I was feeling now with how I was feeling then, but as my T has pointed out the similarities, things have started to make much more sense.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by anilam

TBH, I do think that Ts make/take things more serious/ly than the general population would. Hated it, found a T who is more normal in that regard and even he slips up from time to time and needs to be reminded I don't appreciate that. There's a theory why they do it but man, it is annoying...

I dunno, the general population seems to take things more seriously than I do... If I had a dime for every time some random person asked me if I'm okay and I'm all 'huh? I'm fine! Why?'. Something tells me it's me

[junkDNA]

well my dad was physically abusive to me and my siblings sometimes. then he died when i was 10. i hate talking about what he did to us with my T bc i feel extreme guilt and i dont want ppl to think my dad was a bad person. i didnt even consider it abuse until i told T and he said it was. he is always saying he feels very sad about my childhood. he even said that the kind of childhood i had is what breeds sociopaths. i thought that was shocking. im not a sociopath and he wasnt saying i was, he was saying it is amazing that i am so resilient and made it through everything without developing a personality disorder like that. but yeah i try to minimize things that happened to me while T thinks they are traumatic

[Perna]

It's the stuff I don't get that I'm glad T sees and gets. I remember having to work for almost a year on one incident that I thought was no big deal until I understood it was. The stuff we get "right" and know feels intense, we "know" that so there's nothing to "correct" or "fix" there?

[Lauliza]

I think Ts need to be very careful about making more out of something than it is. Even if what the client experienced in the past was abuae, if a client doesn't perceive it that way it not be helpful and could be very harmful. Of course if the client has a very warped view of what appropriate behavior with others is based on the abuse that's different. But sometimes Ts can jump the gun dig up the past in great depth and can cause a lot of harm. They need to be cautious about imposing their own opinions or judgements.

[ThisWayOut]

I definitey think some t's can see problems where there may not be any, but I also think the "normalization" some of us have grown up with can be very damaging (as HG and others have said). I think it's also kinda refreshing to see my t get that some of this stuff would really warp me, and that maybe I need to work a lot harder on that stuff. I have had t's who do not understand the deree some of this stuff is ingrained. It took my last t almost 8 months to figure out that some of my self-esteem issues are harder to address than she first thought. I guess I'm kinda glad this t is picking up on it faster...
I think it's really interesting though what I focus on vs what t focuses on. She's picking up on the other stuff that I'm seeing as "harmless" and "normal" (really? not everyone is like that??) but maybe not understanding some of the stuff that I see as having more of a negative impact... is there a way to convey to t how hard some of the other stuff was? I feel like I can't get the emotion across because I have so much trouble expressing emotions in general. Most of what I say is either very detatched and clinical in presentation, or I dissociate and the emotion is lost back where I am, never making it out to tell t...