How to Handle this Situation

Blur , are you a mind reader or am I? Lol

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The powers that be let her do their dirty work for them. Its no accident. She has friends in high places - in my case, my nemesis' brother was a lawyer, so she was never going to get fired, as she tortured coworker after coworker. That it is psychologically trying for you - is not a reason for the u to accommodate you, but an opportunity for you to show the u how you solve or deal with a difficult situation. With the least involvement.

I would say you need to document all the incidents. I don't know the level of confrontation you are comfortable with, but consider actually recording all your interactions with her when you are alone, voice or video. Notify her when you do this of course. Make explicit requests to not be touched. Like this, no matter what happens, you have evidence of what has been happening.

Consider this, if she is inappropriately touching you and has now started stalking you outside the workplace it might (soon) be sufficient for a restraining order which doesn't depend on your faculty's interpretation of things. It might sound over the top now, but maybe not so anymore at one point in the future.

Document everything, at the very least that would make it hard for her to slander you when she feels too rejected.

The tenure process is tricky and not entirely (and in some schools just barely) based on merit. Politics are often vicious. Negotiating such a thing is often extremely tricky at universities.

I would suggest eliminating all contact. By that I mean, if she sits down next to you, say "excuse me," get up and move. Initiate no conversation with her. If, in the course of your work, you must engage her, only do so publicly and about work matters--absolutely no personal chat. You have to frame her actions in public in the position of an aggressor. You also need to document the incidents and put them on file with HR. This is a must because she is senior to you, so if you haven't done so and push comes to shove, you will have no support to fall back on.

You seem to have boundary problems; it's happened before, and you've posted about such issues with friends. I think it's likely that your perception of your actions is skewed. You may think you're being direct, but I suspect you are not being read that way because of your discomfort with confrontation. But in situations like this, you cannot leave any room for interpretation of your actions. And frankly, you have to be extra careful because you have to do more to prove your case against a woman (especially a married woman) than you would have to against a man; it may not be fair, but that's the perception you're up against.

If she's behaved in this manner with others, there should be a record with HR. Don't assume that there isn't; at least in my experience, HR has been extremely careful about confidentiality in these matters. All your efforts should be through HR, outside of your department. Within your department, you must be scrupulous about avoiding engagement with this woman--and you shouldn't act out against her in any way. If you do so, I can almost guarantee it will be turned back against you at some point. She has the power of her position and seems practiced in using it. You have to be above reproach.

If this woman is as unbalanced and calculating in her behavior as you've portrayed her to be, then you need to start viewing her as a predator and act accordingly. If you haven't already, you also need to be cultivating at least one powerful senior ally who you make aware of your achievements (not confide in about this issue) to be in your corner when issues of promotion come up, to counter any retaliation she tries to enact.

The reason to take this to HR and to keep it out of department politics is because the less you make of the issue in house, the more crazy this woman will appear if she chooses to continue or escalate her behavior. Your only leverage in this situation, because she is senior, is the public face of you being the consummate professional who is not engaged with her. If you continue to engage with her as you have, and it becomes a public struggle between competing interpretations of actions and intentions, being senior, she will win that competition. She's tenured so a much bigger hassle for the Univ to deal with; you are expendable, and Univs will choose the path of least resistance in these matters.

I talked to a trusted colleague tonight about this situation (someone who is "peer" to me) and whether he thought I should go to HR and his immediate response was: "Don't you know about what happened 3 years ago?!" I did not. Apparently, the department tried to fire her (for reasons I'm not entirely clear on) and she went to HR and claimed the department was mistreating her-- she made friends with the HR lady-- and she ultimately won the case. Now, she regularly has the HR lady over for dinner. In fact, I've heard her talk about "first name" but I did not make the connection that she was the "HR lady." Presumably, there is an entire HR department but, from what I understand, this woman is in a senior/important position. So, clearly, my colleague does NOT think I should go to HR. My colleague thinks I should be direct, be cold, and avoid her-- but not involve HR. He also said that, when possible, he would "rescue" me if he saw her cornering me at work. So, at least I have some back-up-- but it definitely feels as if there is no one safe in an authoritative position for me to go to. I can still document what happens, but I would not give that documentation to anyone unless a situation occurred that absolutely demanded it.

ETA: My trusted colleague also confirmed that he has heard me say "do not touch me" to her at work and witnessed her continue to touch me after that. So at least someone else at work has witnessed it-- if it comes to that.

Holy immersion Batman! Does she have friends in the CIA or FBI also? In this case I'm thinking it's even more imperative to document AND record when possible, and take her stalking and inappropriate touching to the police. It really blows that it has to be that way, but when you're the "low man" and she's endeared herself to everyone from janitorial to the Dean's office, what choice do you have?

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IMHO I would document everything AND send her an email explaining your boundaries again and how she is violating them. I'd save all texts you get from her, especially if they are weird in any way. If she is stupid enough to respond to the email save it. Speaking from experience you want as much confirmation and evidence as possible if you ever need it.

You could also play the overreaction game with her. You said that she has fallen to the ground in despair when you have tried to separate from her. So she touches you scream NO!! Start to cry. Make a BUTT of yourself and draw attention. And then as you continue to sob explain tearfully that you no longer can stand to be touched. If you draw enough negative attention to her when she misbehaves she might stop. Or at least move on to her next target. Good luck to you. Very sorry you have to put up with this at work.

OMG brilliant! How very evil bwahahahaha!!

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another way of looking at this is that your dept realizes this lady is a liability and still wants to get rid of her if only they could. if HR gets repeated complaints then HR is going to wise up and realize this lady is a real legal liability for the uni. it doesn't sound like you need to worry about looking like you are the problem at all. they know she's the problem and want her out and they just might love it if you fight this and she has to leave. so, she has a friend in HR who has power. go directly to the head of HR. the fact that you have a witness to her behavior is great. i'd still go ahead and consult with a lawyer or mediation counselor before doing anything at all though. if you schedule an appointment with the head of HR and show up with a lawyer they will get the message.

Under no circumstances should you make a scene. It will only reflect badly on you, and you'll get a reputation for being unstable which ultimately will undermine any case you make.

I don't know what you should do but I'm sorry you're in this horrible situation with this woman. I don't understand how she can make friends at all! What if you talked to that HR lady as a person, not with a formal complaint? Say "I'm concerned about your friend". Which is true! I don't know what else to suggest except going to the head of HR like someone else suggested. The woman harassing you has too much power which doesn't make sense even if she's chummy with the HR lady.

Document EVERYTHING. And keep this in mind: if they fire you for complaining or making a report, SUE THEM. Sue them for damages from her sexual harassment, for their refusal to handle the situation, and for wrongful termination.

Wow, scorpisosis, this is a really complex and difficult position. I totally understand why you're reluctant to go to HR due to the "harasser" making a calculated "friend" of a senior HR official. I would make sure all your ducks are in order before going that route. Reality is, you're probably going to have to go that route at some point if this woman feels confident that her tenure position is well protected.

I agree with the suggestion that you contact your harasser in written form, detailing her continual violation of your boundaries. I wouldn't do it by email, I'd do it with a registered letter. Yes, it will probably enrage her, but this lady's track record seems to indicate that she isn't getting the message and the only reason you're contacting her is to document her transgressions. This is for your benefit not hers. Keep an ongoing journal with detailed notes on any retaliation from her at work. Keep all her emails and/or texts. Allow her phone calls to go to voice mail so you can have a recording of her messages. She might get so angry about your refusal to engage with her that she might trip herself up by leaving angry voice messages and/or emails.

As someone else said, if she approaches you at work, calmly get up, excuse yourself and move to another location. I think it's great that your fellow colleague is willing to keep an eye out to come in and help out if she corners you. Unfortunately, you're the one who is going to have to remain cool, calm and collected through any encounters with her. As the junior staff member, you're going to be under closer observation. I would imagine that others in the department are well aware of this woman's wackiness, but they probably don't want to get involved. As someone else mentioned, the junior staff member is easier to sweep under the rug than the senior tenured member. Not fair but reality. However, if you document and keep your distance, you have a good chance of getting out of this situation intact. Don't allow her to push your buttons, although I totally get how the whole thing gives you the willies!

I don't think you're going to be able to keep her from "bad mouthing" you to others. But that kind of stuff happens at the workplace all the time and you know that. If you are well liked and respected by others in the workplace, you're a target by other petty individuals who resent your skills. Just hang in there and remain cool to her viciousness. I'm so sorry this has happened. Toads like this never seem to get their due because they are so skilled at manipulation.

This really is on the same level as stalking. While, keeping a record of text messages is a good idea, if she is interfering in your life with calls and texts, changing your number could be one small thing you could do to cut her off more. I understand your fear of retaliation. At the same time, I think there must be enough people to see your side, that you'd have people who would stand up for you. Sorry to hear you're having to go through such a hell of a situation, with your boundaries being constantly crossed. It seems like you've been given a lot of good advice and I hope it ceases soon.

I agree, document document document.

I like to see a person stand up for herself. Listen to caring voices.

This is what I was saying too.

Normally you can only go through regular channels with reasonable people.

You might want to consider going to security or the police to at least start a file. Even if they can't investigate without a threat, the police will likely have to document something.

Good luck.