[always_wondering]

I have been with T for several years. He barely discloses anything, but sometimes, to use an example (he says) he tells me a personal story. Every time he does, I say "Oh, here we go", my heart sinks, and he tells me a lovely story about his life or family. I am very happy for him, but it is still hurtful. I would rather not be reminded how perfect his family is and that I am not part of it (really childish on my part).

I think he is fully aware he should not disclose, but sometimes I think he just can't help himself. He hears me talk about how wonderful my family is, and perhaps he needs to get out his share of pride about his family.

My T is human. We have seen each other long enough and have quite a good understanding of one another. Is it ok for him to reveal little bits and pieces of his life to me? I don't think he has any idea how painful it is or does he? Is he being a tad bit unprofessional when he does this or am I being a tad bit possessive?

[NoddaProbBob]

Self-disclosure is a hot topic and most people are divided on its effectiveness.

I think that when used in the right situation, it has the power to create strong bonds and great meaning for both the client and therapist.

However, each therapist is different. If it is hurting you, you have the right to ask your T to stop sharing. But if you don't tell him, he won't know.

[UnderRugSwept]

It's not unprofessional at all in most cases, assuming it's relevent (one of my Ts discloses quite a bit and I usually find it very helpful). They key is whether or not you find it helpful or not, and it sounds like you don't. You should tell him how you feel; he won't know unless you tell him!

[wotchermuggle]

Occasional disclosures should not be an issue and are not unprofessional. You said yourself that it rarely happens. I doubt his family is "perfect". No family is perfect.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I don't think I would ever get anywhere at all therapeutically with someone who did not self-disclose, or who only shared perfect little snapshots of their own lives (that's what Facebook is for, right? ) so I need somebody willing to admit to their own mess and pain and whatever.

It sounds like your therapist's particular disclosures are distressing for you. Do you think you could bring it up with him?

[growlycat]

Disclosures are meant to help a patient…if you are hurt by his stories you can tell him why they hurt. That may help open up a very therapeutic discussion!

[HazelGirl]

No, it's not unprofessional. But it sounds like it's having a negative effect on you and you need to bring it up.

[stopdog]

I don't find it inappropriate. I find it a waste of my time and money. I don't find the therapist using stories about themselves as especially compelling.

[Petra5ed]

I don't think it's inappropriate unless it becomes the main focus of therapy. I kind of wish my therapist talked about himself more because I like hearing his stories and getting to know him. Sometimes I have been jealous, but I've never been mad that he had great experiences so much as I've mourned my own lack of experiences. For example, my therapist seems to have many friends and acquaintances, he is much more extraverted and outgoing than me... I've always been jealous of this but at the same time I love that he is not isolated as I have been, I just hate how it reminds me that I'm weird. It makes me feel like more of a normal person when he shares things about himself. It makes therapy seem less clinical. It helps me form a picture of who he is, I think it would be hard for me to self disclose anything to a blank slate.

[always_wondering]

You all have a point here. It would be quite boring if I was talking to a blank slate. I guess I want to avoid the never-ending attachment I feel, especially when he brings in his personal life to the sessions. The best advice is to continue our work and let him know when I'm uncomfortable. Then we can get to the route of what's really bothering me. This sounds like the grown-up thing to do. Thanks for all of the advice, it is truly appreciated.

[Lauliza]

Its not necessarily inappropriate, but it should only be done if it serves a purpose in your therapy. So if he's sharing just to share and on fop of that it's bothering you, you should bring it up. Otherwise I think it stops being therapy and becomes chit chat which could be A time waster.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

Its not necessarily inappropriate, but it should only be done if it serves a purpose in your therapy. So if he's sharing just to share and on fop of that it's bothering you, you should bring it up. Otherwise I think it stops being therapy and becomes chit chat which could be A time waster.

I second this!

Any self-disclosure should be made to benefit you, not the T.