[Bells129]

Last night I had a really long dream about T. I woke up a few times in the middle of the night but I continued dreaming it when I went back to sleep.

Basically, (now this is really trippy and doesn't make much sense) my sessions with T revolved around us jumping off balconies with balloons attached to us and talking as we 'flew'. One time my balloons broke but T gave me hers and for some reason, her bra too. This is where things start to get weird (or weirder) we have really intimate talks together while we're walking around a parking lot and she randomly gets into a fight with a group of men and I worry about her and try to help but end up getting knocked out. I wake up in T's arms and she goes on about how we're falling in love with eachother, but we need to keep it secret (what the hell is that all about?!) and whenever someone I know gets suspicious I'm filled with this feeling of dread, but this whole time me and T are being sort of intimate but not really at the same time. God that's long winded and doesn't make much sense, sorry. Does anyone understand what this means? or have any advice for me since I feel really on edge for some reason after this dream.

[harvest moon]

It seems to me that balloons are your hopes/frustrations etc. and maybe you flying on them together symbolizes the sense of trying to 'rise above them'. But because they sometimes are 'unbearable', yours pop. Maybe this also shows the dynamic of a T-patient relationship. She is there to lend you her 'strong balloon that won't pop' during this journey of yours. Her lending you her bra, I think symbolizes your need for her to be maternal and nurturing.

The fact that she's saying 'we are secretly falling in love, let's not let anyone know' and that this fills you with dread, maybe shows something very common for all of us being in therapy: while we so very much seek a deeper connection with our Ts, their love and acceptance etc., when and if this starts happening, we feel guilty and shameful. Because we never got it and we feel like we don't deserve it (even though we desperately want it?) Or because it feels as we are 'betraying' the people that raised us and our painful way of relating with them, no matter how hurtful and even abusive?

Just some random thoughts; hope they helped! Will you share your dream with your T? I think you should!

[Bells129]

Originally Posted by harvest moon

It seems to me that balloons are your hopes/frustrations etc. and maybe you flying on them together symbolizes the sense of trying to 'rise above them'. But because they sometimes are 'unbearable', yours pop. Maybe this also shows the dynamic of a T-patient relationship. She is there to lend you her 'strong balloon that won't pop' during this journey of yours. Her lending you her bra, I think symbolizes your need for her to be maternal and nurturing.

The fact that she's saying 'we are secretly falling in love, let's not let anyone know' and that this fills you with dread, maybe shows something very common for all of us being in therapy: while we so very much seek a deeper connection with our Ts, their love and acceptance etc., when and if this starts happening, we feel guilty and shameful. Because we never got it and we feel like we don't deserve it (even though we desperately want it?) Or because it feels as we are 'betraying' the people that raised us and our painful way of relating with them, no matter how hurtful and even abusive?

Just some random thoughts; hope they helped! Will you share your dream with your T? I think you should!

Wow this is so helpful, thank you so much. I think I'm going to try and tell her, fingers crossed I won't seize up when the time comes though. Thanks again for your help!

[ombrétwilight]

Originally Posted by harvest moon

It seems to me that balloons are your hopes/frustrations etc. and maybe you flying on them together symbolizes the sense of trying to 'rise above them'. But because they sometimes are 'unbearable', yours pop. Maybe this also shows the dynamic of a T-patient relationship. She is there to lend you her 'strong balloon that won't pop' during this journey of yours. Her lending you her bra, I think symbolizes your need for her to be maternal and nurturing.

The fact that she's saying 'we are secretly falling in love, let's not let anyone know' and that this fills you with dread, maybe shows something very common for all of us being in therapy: while we so very much seek a deeper connection with our Ts, their love and acceptance etc., when and if this starts happening, we feel guilty and shameful. Because we never got it and we feel like we don't deserve it (even though we desperately want it?) Or because it feels as we are 'betraying' the people that raised us and our painful way of relating with them, no matter how hurtful and even abusive?

This sounds pretty accurate to me. I get weird dreams about my T too and I'm too embarrassed to ever share them with her. But if I remember correctly they involve her adopting me and us snuggling on the couch watching TV or going shopping - basically doing mum-daughter stuff. I think I have attachment issues and was never close to my own mother, so that's possibly why. A lot of therapy patients start out distant from their Ts and as time goes on become progressively closer, often ending up seeking a closer/personal relationship that is of course impossible. We then feel guilty, ashamed and like we're creepy stalkers intruding upon our Ts' lives especially when they always respond so professionally.

[Bells129]

Originally Posted by ombrétwilight

This sounds pretty accurate to me. I get weird dreams about my T too and I'm too embarrassed to ever share them with her. But if I remember correctly they involve her adopting me and us snuggling on the couch watching TV or going shopping - basically doing mum-daughter stuff. I think I have attachment issues and was never close to my own mother, so that's possibly why. A lot of therapy patients start out distant from their Ts and as time goes on become progressively closer, often ending up seeking a closer/personal relationship that is of course impossible. We then feel guilty, ashamed and like we're creepy stalkers intruding upon our Ts' lives especially when they always respond so professionally.

I am close with my mother though, could this still be the case? thanks for your reply!

[ombrétwilight]

Originally Posted by Bells129

I am close with my mother though, could this still be the case? thanks for your reply!

I think we experience transference for a lot of different reasons. In my case, it may be because I long for a maternal figure to fill my void, but for others it could be due to other expectations that they project onto their Ts. Anyhow, it's usually very easy to feel attached to someone who shows us so much concern and is all about us for that 1 h, and it's only human nature to want to know more about them when they know every little thing about us yet reveal nothing about themselves.

This is all my take though - not meant to be professional advice or anything (:

[Bells129]

Originally Posted by ombrétwilight

I think we experience transference for a lot of different reasons. In my case, it may be because I long for a maternal figure to fill my void, but for others it could be due to other expectations that they project onto their Ts. Anyhow, it's usually very easy to feel attached to someone who shows us so much concern and is all about us for that 1 h, and it's only human nature to want to know more about them when they know every little thing about us yet reveal nothing about themselves.

This is all my take though - not meant to be professional advice or anything (:

Thank you, that makes sense.

[Soccer mom]

Definitely tell your T. I had a dream once about my deceased mom and my T. loved hearing about it and trying to figure it out. Yours would probably too.

[RedSun]

Is the secretly falling in love bit indicating a confusion about intimacy? That to be so close to someone must be falling in love?
If I start panicking in my sleep, sometimes t appears and says things like 'take it slowly' or 'can you feel your bum on the chair?' Like in session. Then I usually wake up in flown blown panic!
I did have a dream that I had to go down to a dungeon to see Caitlin Stark from game of thrones. When I went down the steps, it was t, with her throat cut though she seemed fine with it . She said 'can you feel your heart rate going up?' Woke up with panic attack!

[Bells129]

Originally Posted by Red75

Is the secretly falling in love bit indicating a confusion about intimacy? That to be so close to someone must be falling in love?
If I start panicking in my sleep, sometimes t appears and says things like 'take it slowly' or 'can you feel your bum on the chair?' Like in session. Then I usually wake up in flown blown panic!
I did have a dream that I had to go down to a dungeon to see Caitlin Stark from game of thrones. When I went down the steps, it was t, with her throat cut though she seemed fine with it . She said 'can you feel your heart rate going up?' Woke up with panic attack!

That's a good point, it definitely could be. God, if I had a game of thrones dream involving T I'd have a panic attack too! Scary dream though, eek. Thanks for your help!

Sounds like as you go on in normal life outside therapy (carpark) you still feel the connection and you love that part of you that is growing in connection to her???

[Bells129]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Sounds like as you go on in normal life outside therapy (carpark) you still feel the connection and you love that part of you that is growing in connection to her???

Thank you, that's a good way of reading it and I think could be on point. I do love the connection we have.