[Petra5ed]

The other day I was out and noticed my T eating dinner with a very hot woman. I don't think he noticed me at all. I'm fairly certain he was on a date or this was his girlfriend because they were holding hands across the table smiling and looking flirtatious. I didn't approach him, I just felt embarrassed... I don't think he saw me. This has shattered my entire view of him and our therapy. I feel foolish for thinking he would like me, since he clearly dates women who are completely out of my league.

[HazelGirl]

That would sort of make me gag, haha. But that's because I have a lot of maternal transference with my T.

[Lauliza]

I can imagine how hard theat mucst have been. I don't have anything really helpful to say, I'm just sorry you had to experience this

[junkDNA]

i guess i feel the opposite. my T has a girlfriend and i know her. he talks about her and her kids and stuff. it doesnt bother me. it makes me happy for him that he has a romantic partner and a little family almost. i want T to be happy.

[grimtopaz]

I am sorry seeing your T on a date was such a difficult experience for you. I think as patients we know in the abstract that our therapists have S.O. and a personal life, but it is different to see it.

I think that what their therapists think about their significant other is independent of what they think about us. For example, I love my husband but it doesn't prevent me from caring/liking other people.

I also know what you mean about hard it is realizing (or at least believing) that a T would never be attracted to you. My T is a straight woman (I'm female), so I know she would never harbor any sort of romantic countertransference.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

The other day I was out and noticed my T eating dinner with a very hot woman. I don't think he noticed me at all. I'm fairly certain he was on a date or this was his girlfriend because they were holding hands across the table smiling and looking flirtatious. I didn't approach him, I just felt embarrassed... I don't think he saw me. This has shattered my entire view of him and our therapy. I feel foolish for thinking he would like me, since he clearly dates women who are completely out of my league.

Hey petra, a guy friend once told me, for every beautiful woman, theres a guy getting tired of putting up with her b.s.

[lunatic soul]

I'm sorry you had to see it

[sweepy62]

Sorry you felt that way, that would have been awkward for me too. I saw my t out of the office the other day as well. It was not awkward , had she been with her husband I suppose.

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[harvest moon]

I'm sorry you found yourself in this unfortunate situation. I completely understand how you feel. I would absolutely have felt the same. Do you plan to bring it up? I mean the part about seeing him.

((((Petra5ed))))

Maybe these will cheer you up. People aren't what the seem...







Look At This...: Celebrities Without Makeup

[feralkittymom]

(((UGH))) that's all I can say.

[RTerroni]

If I saw my Therapist on a date with another guy I probably want to get up and kick his *** (just kidding of course).

Although with my current Therapist I'm not really close with her right now so I probably wouldn't care much.

[Irrelevant221]

I'm sorry to hear that. I can understand why you would be feeling somewhat hurt and uncomfortable I once saw my ex-T walking with her then-fiance (now husband). She had wrapped her arms around him while snuggling up to him as they were walking. I did discuss it with her, but only in regard to my shock at seeing her in public. I definitely didn't go anywhere near the topic of how much a part of me wished that she could have been snuggling with me instead.

[always_wondering]

So sorry. I would feel just the same as you.

[Myrto]

I'm sorry. I would feel crushed too. But not because I want to date her or anything romantic, just realizing that she has that whole life I'm not a part of while I desperately want to be part of her life and not just a patient she sees once a week.
Do you think you'll bring it up to him? Would you have felt differently if he was just out with a friend of his? Would that be as awkward?

[thickntired]

I'm sorry! I don't use men for T because I feel uncomfortable for that reason.

[growlycat]

It would bother me if T were out with someone super attractive or a lot younger than he is. It would make me wonder about him. (does he only find younger women attractive?? Does he only date supermodel types? Ugh, typical.) that kind of thing.

If they seemed like a sweet dowdy old couple I might feel a soft spot for them both.

I saw on my therapist's girlfriend's page pictures of them together in Paris, at some weird fetish ball, and at Disneyland. I was hoping his girlfriend would in fact be a dowdy old woman, but she's four years older than me (I'm 28, she's 32) My T is 68 years old! I wanted to be the only younger girl interested...

So yeah, it upset me horribly and sometimes I can't take his advice seriously when we talk about relationships. He is anti marriage and basically hates it (exaggerating a bit, but he seems to encourage people to be single and get "healthy.") But his girlfriend wrote on Facebook, "if/when _____ proposes..."

Makes me wonder if he's only with her cause she's hot and young. I'm nowhere near as cute as she is. He tells me all the time he thinks I'm attractive, but obviously he is more into the Kim Kardashian/Megan Fox types. I'm more Sarah Jessica Parker.

But yeah I can't imagine how you feel having witnessed that in person! Are you going to tell him what you saw?

[Petra5ed]

Thanks for all of your replies! I don't know how to bring this up. I'm sure I should, but I will sound jealous and I'm not sure what I'd expect him to say.
Obviously he has a life and can date whomever he chooses. Obviously it's healthy for him to date vs the alternative id prefer where he sits at home alone jerking off to fantasies of me and only me.
If say she was much younger, at least 15 years younger...

[SoupDragon]

I saw my T walking along holding hands with his partner and in the last few weeks I have noticed a ring in his ring finger left hand which he sometimes holds on to and twists. I found it really painful for a few weeks, bottled out of discussing it - but the impact has lessened over time and now I see T differently. In fact maybe it has been helpful to me in the long run, I feel less dependent on him and more adult in the sessions.