Transference

This. These days I can usually figure out why I'm anxious instead of feeling like I'm stuck on the spin cycle or something. I didn't realize, but not knowing why I was anxious was making me even more anxious.

I told my T about all this, and she basically said that's how things are supposed to go, and that it's important that I take time to process how I'm feeling, by journaling or writing letters, and then bringing that stuff into session to talk about. Ugh. I don't like all this.

At least you *can* talk about it, even if you hate it. That's a huge step in itself.
Me, I'm stuck on 'mmph' and feeling like my T can't help me with those needs because he's a guy. I'm finding myself randomly getting attached to the T who owns the practice because she will often be up front and will greet me when I come in. Argh! How desperate for maternal attention can one be?!

I have a hard time as well. All I've done is fought the attachment and now I'm in. In some ways it's nice but it scares me - the vulnerability, the limits, the heartache. Just reminds me what I didn't have with my mom and now T. can't be that person either. Due to the transference, I feel like all we talk about is my feelings towards her but it's all wrapped up in the death of my mom. So, I guess I'll keep talking about it. I have so many issues to discuss that I now don't know which one to talk about Monday. I wish she would chose and lead sometimes.
Hang in there. It will get easier. While I still have all these emotions, they aren't as intense.

Yeah, talking is always good. It definitely helps. Even if your T is male, I think he could probably help you with your feelings.

As for desperate, I know what you mean. It feels absolutely terrible.

Yeah, it's a phase I know, and he's encouraging it I can tell - he makes lots of random comments about women having greater emotional intelligence. He wants me to talk about it, but like I say, I'm stuck on 'mmph'. Well, not quite I suppose... I did tell him that saying that men suck at emotions made me angry.

Hmm. Interesting that he said that. I don't think that's true at all.

I've had a maternal transference with my therapist. It was a journey for me to learn that I could trust her. Right now, what she's doing is giving you a different experience, but it sounds like its bringing up some raw pain. You have to go through that in order for it to stop affecting you and your relationships. Feel the pain, grieve that you'll never have the mother you should have had, and let the relationship your therapist is offering give you a different experience to overlay the one that was lacking.

That's how it worked for me anyway.

I said as much to him. I get angry at him for it too. I'm pretty sure he's saying it to highlight my maternal transference issues. It's working too, bloody sneaky man

I know. It's really, really hard though. I feel like my heart is being torn to pieces.