[ThisWayOut]

I realized yesterday after session that I respond to my T like I resond to my parents. I had known I was uncomfortable with her lately, but I chaulked it up to lack of connection, tough issues, etc... but yesterday something else clicked. I find myself reading my parents' responses, attitudes, and motivations into her style. I don't know how to really change this. I will be talking to her about it next week, but until then, it's kinda making me really not want to go back. I'm not 100% sure what is triggering this transference. I haven't noticed any with therapists prior to the one before this one (I've seen a ton over the years because they were students). Transference with last T was all warm & fuzzy, happy, mommy stuff. The one with this T is the scary, want to run away, I know you think I'll never be good enough kind. What do I do with it when it's so negative? I literally freeze in session and have lots of trouble talking or even shifting position. I don't want ot be seen. I don't want to "get in trouble" for anything, so I can't force myself to tell T when I disagree with her or when she gets something wrong. I tried to tell her that I wanted to run out of the room yesterday, but at the time I couldn't figure out 1) why & 2) why I didn't. It wasn't till after session that my brain started functioning again.
Has anyone had this really negative reaction to T that was so heavily based in the past, and not necessarily T her-/himself? I left her a message last night telling her that I realized I am reacting to her like I do to my parents. I'm not sure if she knows how to deal with it. She's still technically a student also, so I'm hoping she will have time to get supervision around it if she doesn't have ideas. Last T never addressed it when I brought up the happy stuff, thoguh this T addresses a lot fo stuff other T had glossed over...
I dunno. I don't like feeling so unsafe with T. It's supposed to be my one safe place, and it's just not right now.

[growlycat]

I work really well with my CBT T but he is louder clumsier and less gentle than my psychodynamic T. So there are two times where he set off a bad parental transference.

I have a driving phobia and sometimes we will do an "in-car" session. While I was driving it was getting close to the time when we had to get back to the office…I almost missed my turn and he raised his voice. I had a really really bad reaction to that. Yelling was a regular part of growing up in my family's house. T and I talked about it later and we mostly worked it out.

Recently, he wanted me to try a technique of self-talk that involves asking myself in response to despairing feelings "what are you going to do about it?" which sounds too much like the unsupportive feedback I got as a kid. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps crap. So I am not reacting well to that.

The only answer I have is to be honest with T how their words or actions negatively affect you and the reasons why.

[HazelGirl]

Yes, it used to be worse. But it still comes out when I feel like she will dislike something I have said or done.

Like I just recently told her that something she says all the time always sounds so awful to me because, although I know she doesn't mean it this way, it comes across to me in a mocking tone. And that's because my mother used to say the same thing while mocking me.

[JustShakey]

Yeah, it happens. I had awful negative maternal transference with previous T. It's good that you recognize it for what it is - you should be able to work through it. It took me a good six months after I had term'd with previous T to finally start figuring out what had happened and I'm only really getting a handle on it in the last few months.
Being a student, your T may not know how to deal with it, but it is something that she's going to have to learn. Negative transferences and resistances are not rare. In fact, I'm thinking they are absolutely necessary to one degree or another for successful therapy. I wouldn't worry about your T, she has her supervisors. You just have to keep showing up and believe me, with negative transference, that is *hard*.

[Soccer mom]

Keep going! I have had both positive and negative transference with my therapist. My brother is a clinical psychologist and said that transference is a sign therapy is working. She needs to see this side of you because you might be reacting the same way in other relationships. Once I started realizing what I was doing, I would point it out to her. I just got to the part of telling her I hate that she affects me in any way because I was determined not to let my mom think she could affect me in any way. All of my positive and negative reactions to my T. have helped her see what my childhood was like and what I was missing. And, yes, you can realize it's happening one session and not realize it in another. Sometimes I can totally point it out and sometimes I don't realize it's happening. It's pretty fascinating.
Keep going and talking to her about it. Most T's have seen this before and, as I said before, it allows them a glimpse into your past.

[guilloche]

(((ThisWayOut))) - oh gosh. Yup, I sometimes react this way with friends even - out in the real world!

I think you've already got some great advice (re: talking to your therapist). In terms of dealing with the feelings now... can you think about things your T has said/done or ways she's reacted that were very different from your parents? That might help ground you to the present reality, maybe?

And, as far as being in therapy and unable to disagree or respond, I am like that alot I kind of wish we could make little cards or flags with messages to hold up at times like that... like...

"Help! You're scaring me, and I can't say anything!" or
"My brain is not responding at the moment... can you be a little gentler?"

Hmmm maybe I should make them and sell them online

Take care...

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by guilloche

"Help! You're scaring me, and I can't say anything!" or
"My brain is not responding at the moment... can you be a little gentler?"

...

I could've used a t-shirt of these when I was seeing previous T I didn't have the presence of mind for cards.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by JustShakey

I could've used a t-shirt of these when I was seeing previous T I didn't have the presence of mind for cards.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Mind reading would be goods for me at times like that. I can't even move to hold up a card! She recognized that as a flashback when I told her about it, but I didn't really put too many pieces together till this week... it's still really bugging me today. I don't know if I should call and leave her a message about how bothersome it is, or hope it quiets down again til session. I know she won't call back, so it's kinda pointless to leave a message I guess. :/

Thanks everyone for your responses!