Admitting that your therapist means something to you

So this old thread from about 6 weeks ago has been revived. I'm so surprised to see what I wrote 6 weeks ago. I didn't quit and things have really moved on for me, I feel really positive about my relationship with myT and the way she speaks to me is fine. I have a feeling I might not be the only one for whom things have moved on since this thread began?

Actually as soon as my transference spontaneously disappeared I let myself tell my T I genuinely cared about her and didn't care anymore if she felt the same (I mena that I didn't need her to care for me to keep caring) Ironically she has expressed her care more and made me feel cared for more than ever since then.

My t is a central figure in my life right now. She means quite a lot to me. I have trouble expressing any emotions/closeness towards people so it's a big thing for me, learning to trust someone.

Only once did I tell my T I cared about her. I care about her immensely! But it was in an Email, basically stating "how could I NOT care about you?" She's told me she holds me in "deep regard." which I think is about the same thing.

I always tell my therapist that she means something to me. She appreciates it She tells me she cares about me and that means a lot to me. And I know a lot of therapists just say that but I know she means it. so that makes me grateful

speaking of caring though, I just had a session last week where I brought up relationships and friendships (well, maybe she did). She told me I have extraordinary relationship skills, and people around me prove that. She'd said this previously. She listed off some people for examples, including my doctor, and her. I flat out said that I cannot be friends with these people, so really, those relationships don't matter or count. I was trying not to come off as angry (I wasn't,) but I don't hold myself in high regard (kinda using my T's words), and I flat out told her that I am here with her, I have a relationship with her, because she is my T, and I asked to come, and she allowed me to. That she is not my friend. That no matter how much I'd would ever wish for her to become my friend, she isn't. She actually took that better than I planned. I told her that, if not for this therapy environment, had she met me on the street or somewhere, I would not be someone she'd look at and think "I'd like to be friends with her." Sad story, but true. She went on about how friendships like those I listed are possible, but only if I learn to be a friend to myself first. Um no, to my understanding, I cannot be friends with my therapist.

I think it's a great compliment she paid you, musinglizzy. We're in relationships of one kind or another with everyone in our lives. That doesn't mean they're friends or will be friends, but they can have a meaningful and friendly quality to them. Many people haven't got a clue how to have good relationships.

I think I get what your therapist is saying about your relationship with her. There are different kinds of friendships. You have a friendliness between you that's qualitatively different than just a working relationship.

As for me, if I like a therapist or pdoc and they mean something to me, I just say so.

I am very thankful for the therapist I have. I see her twice a week.... so she's quite a regular part of my life. It's hard not to care about her.

I'm relatively new to therapy. My first therapist left the office I go to for a better paying gig that focused on a certain type of client. It was the pdoc who informed me that this was happening. That was a few years ago now, and I wish I could've said, "Thank you," or "So long" before he left. I miss him. But I do like my new T...

I haven't told her that she's important to me. It makes me cranky even to write it here, though it's true of course, she is important to me. I'm not sure how much I believe that she cares about me. I used to have an easier time with this when I first started. I felt more liked. I felt like she cared to know me better. I'm not sure I how she's changed but it seems like she's more distant than she used to be. There was a kind of freshness, an openness, a willingness, and it's hard for me to describe exactly what it was or what is different now. But I don't trust her the same way but I'm not sure why.

It's entirely possible that my perceptions are off and that I'm the one who has changed. Or maybe it's that my last session sucked and I'm just angry and negative. On the upside, I don't miss her at all when I'm filled with resentment like this.

My T said she's a good friend and fun. I asked "why would you say something like that when you've said we can't be friends?"!! She said we're friends - just in this setting an hour a week. I was mad for 2 days and still haven't said anything.

I think something might be wrong with me. I don't care about, love, desire, or miss my therapist. I don't think about her in the guise of "wonder what t would think of this scarf?" or "what's T doing right now?" outside session. Mainly talking about her on these boards or reciting a mantra she taught me, but nothing personal or touchy-feely.

Wonder why? I like her, respect her abilities, feel comfortable in her office, and feel challenged by her. Maybe that's all I have left to give anyone else. Maybe I'm scared to get too close because I always get burned.

I don't feel like I'm rejecting feelings for her, rather I never expected to have any and never felt that feelings were necessary.

I'm weird

I think your feelings are fine. When I first went to my T. in short stints, I felt nothing either. I liked her and all like you said, but never missed her or had feelings towards her. She just helped me with my problems. My feelings towards her started after my mom died and maternal transference started. Due to these feelings, I have told her more than ever before. The feelings are a lot less than a few months ago but still there.
It almost might depend on what has brought you to therapy. I think those of us with emotionally distant/absent mothers develop the feelings easily and those with childhood trauma. I didn't know what I was missing in my childhood until the transference started and all my longings came to the surface. I was excellent at suppressing them.

Maybe your therapy doesn't require that you develop an intense attachment to her. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact I quite envy it. I think people for whom the therapy relationship is intense and agonizing are over-represented on this forum because it can be so hard to manage how powerful and mysterious it feels. I think people for whom therapy is simply a helpful opportunity to work through stuff with a pleasant-enough, supportive guide don't need to post so much about it. That's my hypothesis anyway.

Stressed, I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. Actually, I would say you're moving towards having healthier relationships.
My relationship with T is a whole lot healthier than my relationship with previous T. And it's a whole lot easier to focus on myself when I'm not constantly reacting to triggers...

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Whoops, I derailed another thread. Sorry OP!

Thanks Shakey, Jeans, and SoccerMom. It's one of my internal lies, that I'm weird, that I'm not doing "it" right, etc.

I totally agree.

Yes. Spot on. I'm amazed that I had farther to go!