Do you have a gender preference when picking a therapist?

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sidony said:
Transference, what a mess. Good thing therapy's helpful even with that entanglement. :-)

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Sidony, I think therapy is helpful, at least in part, because of that entanglement.

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sidony said:
Curious if other folks have a gender preference for their therapists. When I decided to try therapy, a friend of mine who is a psychologist offered to help me pick a therapist. I specified that the therapist had to be male. For some reason I find it easier to talk to men than to women and was actually repulsed by the thought of talking to a female. (No doubt that's due to some psychological reason involving my overbearing mother or something like that. ). But I didn't mind the idea of trying to talk about my problems to a male.

I'm curious if other people also have a gender preference and whether you prefer the same gender or the opposite (?).

Just curious,
Sidony

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I prefer female, both psychologist and pdoc. This is only the past two years. Before that only males. Now I would only have women. I too have an overbearing mother. But my psychologist is so caring and warm.

I used to go to only male physicians also; male gynecologist, male internist, etc but maybe now I am a bit older too I just seem to feel more comfortable with women. I love my gynecologist; she is so funny and she and I can relate to one another ( a good thing!).

Off topic alert:
This is very off topic, but it's interesting to me that a number of people cite their "overbearing mothers." I wonder why I never see fathers described as "overbearing fathers." I think there are a lot of overbearing fathers out there but I think also society doesn't see being "overbearing" as a negative trait for men. If there is a problem with a father, we often see him described as a "weak" or "ineffectual" father. I don't see "problematic" mothers described as "weak" because I think society sees weak as a perfectly acceptable trait for females. The stuff I ponder....

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sunrise said:
Whether people in general prefer a same sex therapeutic dyad or a mixed sex dyad is a question I'd been thinking about for a while, because I see my T's clients in the waiting room before me and after me. There were often solo men, or couples, sometimes a parent and older child, or sometimes two parents and a teen, sometimes just a male teen, and I began to wonder, am I the only solo female who sees this guy? Is it weird I am seeing a male T? Do most females choose female T's? I was always kind of pondering this as I would see the other clients. Then for my last session, the person before me came out and it was a woman! And I felt kind of unhappy about that, like I wasn't "special" anymore. That is so dumb, I know. Plus, this woman was younger and more attractive than me, with long blonde hair. I didn't like that at all. She reminded me of this woman I was forced to deal with daily for a month last Fall and I could not stand her. LOL, how's that for transference!

Anyway, it is good to read here that there are other women who prefer men for T's, like me. I actually didn't know that, since my first T was a woman, and at that time, I had wanted that. Then I started with the male T almost by accident and found that was a much better fit, not only because of his therapy orientation, but because of his gender. Maybe it is good to try both genders to see what works best for you, since you may not know unless you try.

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How interesting... I know exactly what you mean. The place where I go to therapy is an psychoanalytical center, so there are many Ts there-- I don't know who in the waiting room is for my T. Actually, I just go straight upstairs into his room when I get there, so I don't encounter any other clients of his. But I tend to have this fantasy that he has no other clients, lol. I guess it's that "special" feeling you were talking about. I think female clients would make me feel worse, but I have decided he has NO clients at all. Sounds funny when I type it all out. Wow, a viking. I never used these smilies before. Made my day, lol.

I know this s kinda not related but kinda is. The baby dancing around was in a show I used to watch. I liked watching it because the baby was only seen by the lead role car actor and she would imagine things that her subconscious really wanted to do. And both those things the baby and the visions ( for the lack of a better word ) do pertain to psychology and I even think she saw a psychiatric as well. Anyone do you remember the name of the series on TV.I think they were all lawyers and the name of the show I think was the womans name. And I know for sure that they all had a unisex bathroom.

Smilie

Yes I agree my first therapists was a male and he helped to supply some of the nurturing I had not gotten from my step father. And now I have chosen a woman and she gives me some of the nurturing my mother didn't know how to give me. So I highly agree with you.

Smilie

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Smilie said:
I know this s kinda not related but kinda is. The baby dancing around was in a show I used to watch. I liked watching it because the baby was only seen by the lead role car actor and she would imagine things that her subconscious really wanted to do. And both those things the baby and the visions ( for the lack of a better word ) do pertain to psychology and I even think she saw a psychiatric as well. Anyone do you remember the name of the series on TV.I think they were all lawyers and the name of the show I think was the womans name. And I know for sure that they all had a unisex bathroom.

Smilie

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Was that Ally McBeal?

Not sure how that's related, but I like having the thread move back up as I love hearing all the responses. :-) Most responses so far seem to be women who prefer women therapists. With just a few (like me) who prefer male. I don't think many men have weighed in (I can't always tell from the name), but I think this board probably has more women in general. I think.

Sidony

Ally McBeal! I remember the famous dancing baby.

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sidony said:
Most responses so far seem to be women who prefer women therapists. With just a few (like me) who prefer male. Sidony

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I thought there were quite a few females who preferred males too (me, you, alexK, others too?), maybe not quite as many as prefer females, but quite a few.

Yeah I should read back through the responses. There were more than I remember! I'll see if I can find any male responses in there too. I seem to remember there was at least one....

My T is a male and my pdoc is a female. I would like to have a male Pdoc but the ones that are at my clinic are jerks. I like my pdoc but really miss my old one. Dr.Clay rocked. I have had a few female T's but just didn't click with them. I'm not sure why I like having male docs but I do. Maybe I need to explore that.

Jbug

I truly think this is so individual, dependant upon the actions of the adults around you as you grew up, and the actions of the professional adults who are there to help you.

I have just the right therapist for me, and I didn't do the picking... I think God did

A lady if i have to be good friends with her and talk a lot. A guy if I was really having bad symptoms and needed a diagnosis and meds.

Wow, Sarah, that's REALLY interesting that you see it that way! If someone said that 30+ years ago, I would have expected it, but I thought that times had changed. This isn't criticism in the least, Sarah; I am just kind of blown away about the modern perceptions of medical professionals and patient preferences!

Oh well that's neat, thanks.

I go to a female T & pdoc. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a male, because I'm having some problems in my marriage (sexual & otherwise) & I couldn't talk to a male about it. I think females generally have more of an emotional involvement with sex. Men seem to just want to "get it" when they can so I don't think a male would understand me.--Suzy

I'm a female, 54, and I always prefer a male in any professional business I have. All male doctors, all male therapists. When I was selling my house, I insisted that our realtor be a male. This comes from my upbringing; but from the father. He had an awful opinion of women; thought they should all stay home and cook and clean. And that's how I find myself thinking. The ironic thing is that for 20 years I worked in a male dominated field. Most times I was the only female. And I loved it. And if I had been in the position to hire, I would have never hired a female. But when I applied at places and I got this feeling like they were holding against me that I was a female; that I didn't get hired because of it. Then I was mad. It's crazy. I'm a female, yet I have no confidence in them. I told my new tdoc about this and he finds it very interesting. We haven't explored it anymore yet.

Muffy

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muffyvanderbear said:
I'm a female, 54, and I always prefer a male in any professional business I have. All male doctors, all male therapists. When I was selling my house, I insisted that our realtor be a male. This comes from my upbringing; but from the father. He had an awful opinion of women; thought they should all stay home and cook and clean. And that's how I find myself thinking. The ironic thing is that for 20 years I worked in a male dominated field. Most times I was the only female. And I loved it. And if I had been in the position to hire, I would have never hired a female. But when I applied at places and I got this feeling like they were holding against me that I was a female; that I didn't get hired because of it. Then I was mad. It's crazy. I'm a female, yet I have no confidence in them. I told my new tdoc about this and he finds it very interesting. We haven't explored it anymore yet.

Muffy

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My husband calls me the anti-feminist. I see we have some things in common!

yes...women therapists only due to bad childhood.

<font color="green">For me, I have been working with a lady therapist and I am doubtful I could have done as much or as well with a male. However I am working with a male pyschriatrist, there was no other choice but we seem to be able do what we need to do. He has me on Welbutrin and Lexapro and I am not as miserable as I was before this.</font>

I prefer a male therapist. That might be due to the fact that I had an awful experience with a behavioral therapist in West Seattle named Jenny Snell. Maybe, maybe not. Not sure.