the real relationship (part 1)

We talked about this Friday, will continue Monday when I go.
Having been adopted and my adoptive mother telling me she wasn't my real mother, I have spent my life in search of this elusive relationship.
It's almost like a cellophane membrane exists between myself and the world.
T said, though that was the language of the time, it is none the less shocking.
She asked about how I feel regarding my husband and children. I said, now, because of the amount of therapy I've had, I no longer question the realness of those relationships, but still question our one - T and I - T said how about if we replace 'real' with authentic? She has me there, I can't find fault with her authenticity, but I added I question mine with her?
She said I was more authentic within therapy than perhaps elsewhere? I questioned thst, she said, what about the times you are distressed, isn't thst authentic?
Yes, she got me again. But, still, because of my early experience I struggle with letting myself feel real. Or even understand it fully.
T said, yes, My early experience with being told my adoptive mother wasn't my real mother lies underneath my confusion.
I shall continue this topic next week with T.

I'm so sorry your adoptive mother said that too you. I really hope you can work through this with T. For different reasons, I understand a disconnect in relationships.

This reminded me, I told my t one time that "therapy is not real life". She seemed to be kinda hurt by that statement. I couldn't really explain myself at the time. Later I wrote a paper about it - why therapy is not real life - funny thing was by the time I got to the end of it I had circled back around to recognizing that it is actually a microcosm of real life and so therefore what I set out to prove what I felt, disproved it to myself. That was an interesting experiment that I never shared with her. Perhaps I should have.

_Mouse - Your post made me come out of lurking! I'm adopted, too, and struggle with authenticity in all of my real life relationships. It comes up in therapy a lot, of course. Unlike how I imagine how most people feel, I like the fact that the relationship with my therapist is not a friendship and never can be. He is very real and authentic and when I feel us getting too close I'll say something I know will be hurtful to push him away. Thankfully he knows it's just one of my defense mechanisms and we talk about it.

Like you, the relationship between my son and my husband are the most real relationships I have. I was so worried that I wouldn't feel what I was "supposed" to feel with my son, but I think I do. Unfortunately, being adopted makes me constantly question those feelings and my relationships. It's so hard to be real when I don't even know who I really am.

Thanks for your thoughts, Mouse. This sounds like it will be very fascinating to continue exploring!

I wonder if people with disabilities feel that disconnect from their families too? I'm deaf, so I'm different from everyone else in the family. But in my own family, husband and daughter are deaf too, and the relationships I have with them feel different to the relationships I have with other family members