[LibraryDweller77]

Does anybody else ever experience this in therapy or just in life in general? I have a really hard time being emotional around others or acknowledging that I have emotions to others. The primary reason I'm even in therapy is depression to begin with, and I just can't acknowledge that I'm really, really sad or that I cry a lot by myself to the therapist. I feel like I'm making others uncomfortable with my emotions or bothering them or they think I'm pathetic....I'm not sure how to explain it, really. So far my therapy sessions have been solution-focused with the therapist giving suggestions on what steps to take to better my life in terms of things like finances, education, jobs, hobbies, etc. That's great to a degree, but I didn't schedule an appointment so a therapist can give me his opinion on how to be an adult. I scheduled an appointment because I'm depressed, except I can't bring myself to be like, "Dude. I'm sad. What can you do about it?"

[ThisWayOut]

I can relate. even when others show emotion, show and say that it is ok to feel strong emotions of one type or another, I can't seem to let myself feel it. Even when I try to admit how bad things are, I'm very flat and emotionless in my presentation. it helps with people not understanding the depth of it all...

were you able to express that depression was the main reason you sought therapy? if so, would it be easier to say something along the lines of "hey t, remember the reason I started seeing you? yeah, it's crappy right now"...? If you didn't disclose that to him at any time, is there anything that may make it easier to address? I tend to use really dry, sarcastic humor the few times I'm verbally able to admit to something embarassing or difficult. Other times, I use art or music to give an impression of how things are (at least with the music, if I get freaked out for any reason, I can change the interpretation of why I relate to the song when telling T, or I can brush it off as liking a particular lyric or sound of it)...

dunno if any of that helps...

[wotchermuggle]

Yes - I also find it's difficult not to be embarrassed by emotions. In therapy, I think it's more difficult because you're sitting there with someone staring at you who isn't likely going to give you physical comfort. IT IS JUST SO AWKWARD, in my opinion.

I try really hard to keep things in check and then release them in private.

[roimata]

Are you talking about an embarrassment in expressing emotions, an embarrassment by having specific emotions, or an embarrassment in admitting you have specific emotions? Maybe a composite of all three? Sorry if that's confusing, I just want to make sure my reading comprehension isn't missing anything, because we're just now exploring the same topic in my own therapy.

I am very frozen in an unfeeling stasis, and my task for this week was to think about whether I'm fearful of emotions, and if not, what's keeping me stuck in a place of non-emotion? How can we resurge some demonstrative feelings? Or some variation of that. The word "fear" replaced "embarrassment," though I guess a synonym of that word was used.

Here's how I interpreted my own behavior and it's also how I tried to explain it to my therapist (in a document to take next wk):

"[...] it's like how animals always stifle sickness and distress and don't indicate that they're in pain. It's because if they do, they're hot on the menu. They're vulnerable –* completely open to attack. It's a biological imperative for them, and a learned behavior for me; an evolutionary trait of pattern recognition where one avoids an action to avoid its negative consequences. The same reason children usually only touch a hot stove one time. Evasion is the path of least resistance, or in this case, the path away from humiliation and what I perceive as systematic rejection."

No idea if that relates to what you're feeling at all (just thought I'd insert it here bc its sort of apropos to your question) but it's an insight I came across trying to explain why expressing/working in tandem with emotions, instead of letting my brain fight me every step of the way, is such a challenge.

Okay sorry for the wordiness, hope you can gather what I mean from it :>

[JustShakey]

Yeah. I learned early that my feelings were not important and that my purpose was to be there for others. Having my own emotions and expecting my overburdened mother to be there for me was selfishness. I had *such* a bad reaction to previous T when she was accepting of me. I felt like she was patronizing me and pretending not to be disgusted at my pathetic whining.

it's like how animals always stifle sickness and distress and don't indicate that they're in pain. It's because if they do, they're hot on the menu. They're vulnerable –* completely open to attack.

I understand completely. This is something I perfected in my marriage. Rather than comfort me when I'm upset my H will attack me. And I have to hide my emotions well - he's like a shark smelling blood in the water.