[Soccer mom]

I saw my T. on Monday and cried afterwards through the next morning but couldn't pinpoint why. I was supposed to have a joint session Wednesday but took it for just me. It was the first time I REALLY said what was on my mind when she asked, talked about my feelings the most and my mom and her emotional distance. I told her I felt like I was 4 years old which we attributed to my first memory of seeking attention from other women at age 6-7 years old. I thought she was frustrated with me but figured out it was transference and I left in a better place.

I still had the longings and heartache after Wednesday's session and yesterday. I always get very nervous seeing her out in public - I've run into her a few times but she didn't see me. I went walking at the park with a neighbor last night and we first saw my T's husband, her son and then her and her camera was pointed right at me trying to get a picture of her son running behind me in a cross country meet. I had teased her that her husband follows me everywhere because I see him ALL the time. So, while walking past her I said "see??!!" and laughed and she laughed too and returned to cheering on her son.
For some reason I feel the most content I have felt in months. I know I should go with it and be happy but I'm wondering how that interaction could have changed me so much. And, unfortunately, I'm aware that tomorrow I may feel completely different.
Anyway, just another strange bump in the road to my better self and getting rid of my neediness of my T. Hopefully I'm not just suppressing my feelings.

[unaluna]

Literally seeing us is a lot of what a t does. I read recently that a nursing infant's focal point is 8 inches, which is mom's face/eyes. If mom wasnt paying attention, we missed something. So her seeing you now? Like a jolt. I ran into my t about 5 times while ive been seeing him, and each time was like a quantum leap, where you get flang into another dimension

Is it the fact of having connected and laughed together over something?

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Is it the fact of having connected and laughed together over something?

Maybe. Although we do that at most sessions. Maybe I was worried she would react negatively if she saw me and she didn't. Maybe it's everything I was able to tell her the night before. I have no idea. On one hand I hope I continue to feel content because it's much better than upset. On the other, I'm supposed to tell her my feelings about her next session (which I can't describe) and why it bothers me that she matters to me. I'm not sure I'll get the true answer if I'm content. LOL My best friend was going to have a "feelings workshop" for me before my session to help me articulate my feelings - something I'm not good at doing past "sad, mad, happy, etc".

[substancelessblue]

Maybe having connected with her on another level, in a different context? Maybe it's a little confusing or jolting for you seeing her not just as your T but as an everyday person. I have the seeking attention from other women/looking for maternal figures too and it can be tough. Maybe you need to go through this happiness to be more okay with your neediness.

[coolibrarian]

I have seen my T at various events several times. We have some common interests, and mutual friends, in fact, although I haven't told them that I know her or in what capacity I know her (Fortunately we haven't shown up at the same parties at the same time.). Yesterday I saw her with a man, who I'm assuming (yes, I know not to do that, but, whatever) is her boyfriend. It didn't feel weird at all, and I did get to speak to her for a few moments.