[HealingTimes]

I have posted a thread about this before, but I am just so frustrated that I STILL cant cry in therapy, in front of my therapist.

Its been 4 years and I just cant do it!

I would actually really LIKE to cry in therapy, but when I am in there I just cant feel the feelings (sadness and anger mainly). I have no problem feeling them and crying when I am alone, but I am like an emotional statue in the therapy room

I feel it would be really cathartic for me, but its just yet another thing that I cant do.

Does anyone have any experience of this inability to FEEL emotion or express emotion when in the room?

[LibraryDweller77]

I used to always cry in therapy, and lately I never do. I'm not sure which is worse! Bursting into tears the moment the therapist says, "How are you feeling?" is embarrassing, but I feel like the therapist doesn't take my concerns seriously if I'm straight-faced and unemotional the entire time. I'm not really sure what determines when I do and do not cry. There's not much rhyme or reason to it from what I can tell. :/

[ThisWayOut]

I can really relate to this. I have only cried in front of another person maybe a handful of times, and never in therapy. I actually tear up sometimes, and when my last therapist told me she was leaving the field, tears spilled out of my eyes, but I had no connection to the emotion really, and it was just water pouring down my face, nothing else (couldn't control it and it frustrated the hell out of me at the time).
there's a song that I think describes my inability to feel much emotion in therapy (or around people n general)... It's called Sudying Stones by Ani DiFranco.

"Studying Stones" by Ani DiFranco
I am out here studying stones/Trying to learn to be less alive/Using all of my will/To keep very still/Still even on the inside/I've cut all of the pertinent wires/So my eyes can't make that connection/I am holding my breath/I am feigning my death/When I'm looking in your direction//'Course numb is an old hat/Old as my oldest memories/See that one's my mother/And that one's my father/And that one in the hat, that's me/It's a skill I'd hoped to abandon/When I got out on the open road/But any more pent-up emotion/And I think I'm gonna explode//There's never been an endeavor so strange/As trying to slow the blood in my veins/To keep my face blank/As a stone that just sank/Until not a ripple remains/I am high above the tree line/Sitting cross-legged on the ground/When all of the forbidden fruit has fallen and rotted/That's when I'm gonna come down//'Course numb is an old hat/Old as my oldest memories/See that one's my mother/And that one's my father/And that one in the hat, that's me/It's a skill I'd hoped to abandon/When I got out on the open road/But any more pent-up emotion/And I think I'm gonna explode

I dunno. I relate to it a lot...

[Partless]

HealingTimes, this trick works magic:

Just as you are walking in, just casually throw yourself against the wall pretty good or maybe even slam the door on your fingers. If the therapist is cooperating, ask him/her to punch you real hard in the face. It really works, that pain makes most people cry.

[Freewilled]

I recently cried in therapy, but struggled to stay with the emotion so it was very brief......up until then, I didn't cry in therapy for like 1.5 years....has anyone ever asked your T what his/her impression is regarding a lack of crying?

[musial]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I recently cried in therapy, but struggled to stay with the emotion so it was very brief......up until then, I didn't cry in therapy for like 1.5 years....has anyone ever asked your T what his/her impression is regarding a lack of crying?

I have talked about it indirectly with my T and it helps me to feel like he understands that I have strong emotions that might not show up the way I want or expect them to in therapy. Just because you don't cry doesn't mean your T can't understand the depth of your painful feelings. You can talk about crying other times like when you're alone after a session or whenever it is. I think it's a great topic to explore.

In my experience in therapy, I can cry about some feelings and memories and definitely current-day hurtful stuff, but there are some really deep painful things that I talk about where the feelings are so buried and protected that I can't cry and it stresses me out.

I am the opposite. I cry constantly. It's horrible. I hate it. For me, it isn't cathartic at all and I feel out of control and manipulative for doing it, but I can't seem to NOT do it.

I think for you it would probably be helpful though because it would be some kind of good breakthrough.

[bipolar angel]

I have not cried in this round of therapy-been back in since 2/14. If I think of past therapy yrs, did not always cry either. I would like to be able to cry but I think I'm keeping myself too controlled... and I think because we are currently talking about a lot of things I think not that I'm feeling yet. I think part of me is has not moved into feeling it yet...also since psych md increased meds, feel more even, not flat but not able to cry...hope I too can cry at some point...

[StressedMess]

For me crying sucks. I did it once in session because I was talking about things I'm very ashamed of. I always cry when revealing my shame.

I really can't cry anymore, not about mental pain, not about physical pain. I can blame the meds but honestly I've had a very flat affect since I first got depressed, over a year ago.

I tell T the only emotion I still feel physically is raging anger. I notice with my mind if I'm annoyed/pleased/amused/bored but it's a fleeting thought. The anger is a boiling over breath heaving hand shaking face red and loud voice, everything else is an expressionless mask.

She wants me to feel the hurt and sadness under the anger, but I can't manage to do it yet.

Crying doesn't connect to my pain, it connects to my shame, and I wallow in that enough already. I even asked T if crying was a prerequisite for sessions, because I would have to excuse myself!

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[IndestructibleGirl]

Bah. I sympathise. I'm in a weird stage at the moment where I'm about to cry and then capsize in fear. It's frustrating and scary, I know.

[bounceback]

I have been in therapy a long time and it has taken me (get this) about 10 years to be able to cry and feel emotions. Before that I was pretty much frozen. I could talk about abuse and everything else and not feel anything. The only time I cried was when my therapists retired or left. After working with my 5th or 6th therapist I started getting in touch with emotions. Now I cry whenever I need to. I like the onion analogy. You start peeling layers of the onion and when you get to the core of the onion you start feeling emotions but it takes awhile and a lot of trust to get there. I have also been in group therapy and it took me even longer to trust in there enough to be able to cry. Those of you who can't cry I tell you this. You will get there just keep trusting and being honest.

[bounceback]

I forgot to add. I would get mad at myself when I finally started to be able to cry because I always felt crying was weak. It was something I only did by myself. I learned though that it actually takes quite a bit of trust and courage to cry in front of somebody.

[JustShakey]

I used to be like that in therapy - completely numb. Having a very gentle, emphatic T has helped a lot. My T has worked a lot with kids and he's very patient. Previous T seemed not to understand my inability to be emotional. She tried to force me and wound up shutting me down even more.
I needed a T who could show me that it's okay to be emotional in my own time. Previous T just scared me silly.

[stopdog]

I often feel like my brain is mired in cement at appointments. I have never cried near a therapist, and do not have particular urge to do so, but I do understand the feeling of having my brain freeze up.

[MaybeYes]

I haven't cried yet in therapy, but I've come close twice. When I'm talking about CSA or other difficult issues I tend to zone out or be very matter of fact. My T has brought this to my attention and we discuss why. He's told me that he'd like for me to cry because he thinks it will be a relief and very healing. He's probably right, but it's difficult to be that vulnerable.

One time that I did come close to crying was after I was telling him about a particular incident that I had never told anyone because I didn't think I would be believed. Not only did my T believe me, but he acknowledged how awful it must have been. I noticed him start to tear up and I truly felt connected to him. I didn't want to cry because it happened to me, but because it was such a relief to be believed and understood.

And this is rather vain, but when I do think about crying I think about how awkward it would be to leave crying or looking like I had been crying. I have to take an elevator from the office and it would be horrible to be stuck in the elevator with other people knowing that!

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Hi. This is something I too experience. In my very first session I nearly cried because it was only a couple of days after a beloved pet had died and there had been a couple of deaths in the family not so long before that as well. However as you do in front of a stranger I sucked it up and fought through the 'breaking voice' phase, never actually crying. We are now a year down the line and despite having covered some pretty rough topics I've never again even come that close. However My T and I have been working on the issue of me not particularly trusting him or the process , and given that crying is about allowing yourself to be vulnerable it makes sense that the trust issue is one of the things stopping this. When I eventually do cry in front of T I will take it as a positive reflection on where our relationship has got to. Just hoping it doesn't take too much longer.

Originally Posted by Freewilled

has anyone ever asked your T what his/her impression is regarding a lack of crying?

Yes. My T's opinion is that crying is not mandatory in therapy and that it is not the only way you can display strong emotion. It is perfectly possible for him to see that I am in a lot of pain even though I do not cry, and there is no "wrong" when it comes to crying or not crying. You do or you don't. Sometimes it might be better if you did but that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you because you don't.

My opinion is that crying in front of another person - any other peron - would be wrong, but T is gradually winning me over to the position that it might be okay to do it in front of him. I hope I won't though, because I can only see that leading to me feeling much worse afterwards.

[sweepy62]

Last time I shed tears for the first time in therapy when t2 told me she was leaving 5 months ago.

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[rainbow8]

HT, I think you know I relate! I could have written your post. I want so badly to cry in therapy but I can't. My T and I have discussed reasons. I think it's basic inhibitions probably because that's how my family was. She tried something new in my last session that made me feel.supported and I felt the urge to cry. I stop it, though I want to cry. She says it will happen. I can cry by myself but not with most others. I cried recently in front of my h about his illness but even crying with him seeing me is rare.

[Soccer mom]

I have the same problem! Last week I cried in the waiting room, she came in and the tears stopped and I couldn't do it again! So frustrating!

[lightcatcher]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

I have posted a thread about this before, but I am just so frustrated that I STILL cant cry in therapy, in front of my therapist.

Its been 4 years and I just cant do it!

I would actually really LIKE to cry in therapy, but when I am in there I just cant feel the feelings (sadness and anger mainly). I have no problem feeling them and crying when I am alone, but I am like an emotional statue in the therapy room

I feel it would be really cathartic for me, but its just yet another thing that I cant do.

Does anyone have any experience of this inability to FEEL emotion or express emotion when in the room?

Yes I do too. It is becoming undone however and at times I have cried. In my last session with T I started crying straight away . That doesn't usually happen! And I think T was surprised too as they asked what had happened etc (because I don't cry much and crying straight off the bat would mean something big!). I've been working hard though trying to bring down my barrier to crying. It has helped that I feel so much pressure from every angle that I use it to help me blow in T office.

[bipolar angel]

I wish I could cry now at home...even here, alone right now, I can't cry. I think subconsciously or consciously I won't let myself. But I do feel that I need to do it, need to let go.I think...I'm afraid I Will fall apart, which cant happen right now, I have 2situations that I have to deal with. Plus I really feek since psych doc increased meds I can't

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by LibraryDweller77

I used to always cry in therapy, and lately I never do. I'm not sure which is worse! Bursting into tears the moment the therapist says, "How are you feeling?" is embarrassing, but I feel like the therapist doesn't take my concerns seriously if I'm straight-faced and unemotional the entire time. I'm not really sure what determines when I do and do not cry. There's not much rhyme or reason to it from what I can tell. :/

I can imagine that feels awful for you, but oh I would LOVE to do this, just once though
I know my T can see how much I am hurting, so does take me seriously, but still I'd love to be able to cry.

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I actually tear up sometimes, and when my last therapist told me she was leaving the field, tears spilled out of my eyes, but I had no connection to the emotion really, and it was just water pouring down my face, nothing else.

This is often the kind of crying that I do at home when alone. I don't often make a noice when I cry either, like I am scared someone will hear me.

Originally Posted by Partless

HealingTimes, this trick works magic:

Just as you are walking in, just casually throw yourself against the wall pretty good or maybe even slam the door on your fingers. If the therapist is cooperating, ask him/her to punch you real hard in the face. It really works, that pain makes most people cry.

I think I'll pass, thanks!

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I recently cried in therapy, but struggled to stay with the emotion so it was very brief......up until then, I didn't cry in therapy for like 1.5 years....has anyone ever asked your T what his/her impression is regarding a lack of crying?

No, not really. I mentioned it once and she said not to worry because she had been in therapy for 5 years before she ever cried. I kind of felt competitive then like I have to wait till the 5 year mark is up.

Originally Posted by bipolar angel

I think because we are currently talking about a lot of things I think not that I'm feeling yet. I think part of me is has not moved into feeling it yet...

I think its the same for me. I haven't got to the point where I am feeling it, just talking is overwhelming sometimes.

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

Bah. I sympathise. I'm in a weird stage at the moment where I'm about to cry and then capsize in fear. It's frustrating and scary, I know.

Sorry you are feeling the same IG. I don't really experience the feeling of fear in that moment either, my whole mind and body just go 'blank' (not sure I am making sense here)!

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by bounceback

Those of you who can't cry I tell you this. You will get there just keep trusting and being honest.

Its great to hear your story BB, thanks I really do hope that I will get there, I feel like its been 4 years already, when will it happen!!

Originally Posted by stopdog

I often feel like my brain is mired in cement at appointments. I have never cried near a therapist, and do not have particular urge to do so, but I do understand the feeling of having my brain freeze up.

Same here SD, its not a particularly nice feeling to not be able to feel anything at all.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Yes. My T's opinion is that crying is not mandatory in therapy and that it is not the only way you can display strong emotion. It is perfectly possible for him to see that I am in a lot of pain even though I do not cry, and there is no "wrong" when it comes to crying or not crying.

That's a great thing for a T to say, and yes he is right of course.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

HT, I think you know I relate! I could have written your post. I want so badly to cry in therapy but I can't. My T and I have discussed reasons. I think it's basic inhibitions probably because that's how my family was. She tried something new in my last session that made me feel.supported and I felt the urge to cry. I stop it, though I want to cry. She says it will happen. I can cry by myself but not with most others. I cried recently in front of my h about his illness but even crying with him seeing me is rare.

Thanks Rainbow, I think I remember you posted on my previous thread about not being able to cry My family was the same as yours in regards to how they reacted to crying. I either got that response, or they would fly into a rage because HOW DARE I CRY!