[Soccer mom]

I am having a hard time accepting that my T. really cares about me - it seems she's changed. When my mom was sick, she allowed me to text with her, texted sweet things, etc. After my mom died, she allowed me to keep texting. In June - she wouldn't respond all the time but most of the time. She told me she may not always respond esp if she doesn't understand or thinks it should wait until session. She told me to text anytime and I'm one of the few she texts with. In late June we figured I had maternal transference towards her. In July I texted once how upset I was and she wrote back something that made me feel better. In August, she didn't respond and I got upset. I told her it was the first time she had never responded and I was really upset at the time. She said texting can be complicated especially with transference.
Last week I told her I feel things have changed. She asked if I thought she was caring, etc. back in May/June (before transference) and I said yes. She asked what had changed and I mentioned the texting changed.
She said due to the transference, I've been looking for ways she's letting me down, not caring, etc. I had figured this out a week before and she's right. However, I just can't let this go. I feel like she's pushed me away and, in a way, I'm being punished for being honest that the lack of response hurt me. Now, I am only supposed to text for appointments. Keep in mind, she doesn't text or email with any other clients.
I hate to keep bringing it up to her but I just can't get past it. I keep telling me the transference is what is blocking me from feeling the caring/compassion/etc in sessions. I feel like if I can get secure in our relationship, then in between sessions will be easier and I can open up more. Last session was great and I felt the best I've felt this past week. This is the one issue that keeps coming up in my head/heart.
But, I feel like I'm beating a dead horse....

[roimata]

Is it not the purpose of therapy? To go over and over and over something as much as you need to until you're desensitized or able to cope with the anxiety (or whatever is bothering you) and move forward as an individual? At least in the instance of therapy, I do not think there is such a thing as "talking too much about it."

[HazelGirl]

It is definitely transference impacting your perception. It's okay to feel that way, but don't quit or do anything drastic as a result. Feelings are not facts.

[SnakeCharmer]

It does sound like transference is interfering with your perspective and your T is doing what she can to deal with it in a healthy way.

She doesn't text with patients. She texted with you during a time of crisis. Losing one's mother is a major crisis in anyone's life and she broke her rules about texting because it was the right thing to do at the time.

She's not punishing you by going back to the original rules. She's setting a healthy boundary. And, naturally, you don't like it! I mean, I wouldn't like it either. You just lost your mom and now it feels as if your T is pulling away. But she's not.

I don't know what you're feeling. But I know if I was in an identical situation, my abandonment issues would be triggered all over the place. First, by the loss of my mom and then by my T setting a boundary on me. That can feel like a rejection, but it's not. It's a good boundary, IMO.

Talk to her about whatever it is that you're feeling and, as others said, don't do anything rash out of hurt feelings over text messages and transference. It just takes some time for any of us to adjust whenever rules change or boundaries are set. It takes time to process and accept and it isn't always easy. Well, at least not for me. I don't think it's easy for most people.

I wish you the best.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

It does sound like transference is interfering with your perspective and your T is doing what she can to deal with it in a healthy way.

She doesn't text with patients. She texted with you during a time of crisis. Losing one's mother is a major crisis in anyone's life and she broke her rules about texting because it was the right thing to do at the time.

She's not punishing you by going back to the original rules. She's setting a healthy boundary. And, naturally, you don't like it! I mean, I wouldn't like it either. You just lost your mom and now it feels as if your T is pulling away. But she's not.

I don't know what you're feeling. But I know if I was in an identical situation, my abandonment issues would be triggered all over the place. First, by the loss of my mom and then by my T setting a boundary on me. That can feel like a rejection, but it's not. It's a good boundary, IMO.

Talk to her about whatever it is that you're feeling and, as others said, don't do anything rash out of hurt feelings over text messages and transference. It just takes some time for any of us to adjust whenever rules change or boundaries are set. It takes time to process and accept and it isn't always easy. Well, at least not for me. I don't think it's easy for most people.

I wish you the best.

I didn't think about it as she broke her rules for me. Good way to think of it although she did tell me she has a few client she texts with and I was one of them. Yes, I have felt rejected and overall hurt. I've felt I shouldn't have told her that not responding to that 1 text bothered me - it changed everything. And, I hate that I regret telling her something considering I should be comfortable telling her anything.
I did think about quitting last week and sent a text saying I needed encouragement to keep going. She did a little but then reminded me she wouldn't discuss these things via text and did I need to come in.

[stopdog]

I believe one should talk about something as much as it takes.